Author Surfer203 Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 Just a little update: STBXW is moving out this weekend. I am extremely happy that it is finally happening after talking with her about it for months and trying to get her to go she is finally leaving. I have to admit I am a little sad, it has caused me to reflect on all of the joy we shared and all the sad things I have been through. Divorce papers are being written up by my attorney and we are on our way to erasing the past 10 years of our lives. I am okay though... looking forward to bigger and better things. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 ok, now everyone start criticizing the poor guy... GO Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 ok, now everyone start criticizing the poor guy... GO :laugh: It's true - he's taken a shellacking more than most around here. Surfer: EXCELLENT news, my man. You deserve happiness; you're so due. Link to post Share on other sites
Eye of Hourus Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Surfer, Change brings change... Don't sit and mope...Take positive action and redecorate ... Change "our" apartment into your "Man Cave"... get busy and good luck. The Eye "Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken" - Frank Herbert Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 This change is good to hear! Now...no more need to communicate with her any further! At all!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lexygirl Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Just a little update: STBXW is moving out this weekend. I am extremely happy that it is finally happening after talking with her about it for months and trying to get her to go she is finally leaving. I have to admit I am a little sad, it has caused me to reflect on all of the joy we shared and all the sad things I have been through. Divorce papers are being written up by my attorney and we are on our way to erasing the past 10 years of our lives. I am okay though... looking forward to bigger and better things. Don't erase it, Surfer, see it for what it was and learn from it. We grow from our past. Good luck to you in your future buddy Link to post Share on other sites
coopster Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Surfer, Change brings change... Don't sit and mope...Take positive action and redecorate ... Change "our" apartment into your "Man Cave"... get busy and good luck. Yeah go mad!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 Hey thanks all! Kind of weird and lonely at home but it's fine. Going to move some stuff around the house and redecorate. I also have a date this weekend...... I know you are all going to get on my case and say "too soon!" but I feel I am ready, if nothing more I want to have a very mild, friendly date. I do intend to fill her in on the situation after a couple dates if that happens. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Look on the bright side... you get to cook bacon sandwiches in the nude at 3am Everyone does that when they first get the place to themselves, right? Or is it just me? OK I'll get me coat... I do intend to fill her in Just remember not to mention your ex, else your chances of filling her in will go down drastically Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Look on the bright side... you get to cook bacon sandwiches in the nude at 3am :laugh: And don't forget, you get to mutter "You're the only one who understands me, Bacon." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 PNP: What's with you Brits and bacon?! I mean... us Americans can't get enough of it either but I am constantly hearing references to salted, smoked pig fat from you guys. Haha ... Cooking bacon in the nude could be very hazardous - grease splatter and the nude figure don't mix well. On a serious note, I want to fill her in eventually (both ways ) - she needs to know about my divorce and stuff but I should probably give it a few dates. WGW: Bacon... you're my only friend! Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Love bacon. Might have a Bacon sandwich when I get home tonight now!! Not done it at 3am yet, but maybe after a night out... British bacon is much better than the US streaky stuff, erg! Surfer: Keep the dates fun and light, if she asks about your ex, just have a short explanation ready about how things didn't work out but you recognise your own weakness in the relationship and are working on them. As PNP says, dont mention her at all unless asked directly! Good luck with the house and the dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 Thank Jaymz! Never been to England, I will make a special bacon trip one day maybe. I heard you guys often to bacon on a roll with butter... that's insane. Now, you have advised too not to tell her about my ex.. when can I do this and when I do obviously I should keep it short. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Thank Jaymz! Never been to England, I will make a special bacon trip one day maybe. I heard you guys often to bacon on a roll with butter... that's insane. Now, you have advised too not to tell her about my ex.. when can I do this and when I do obviously I should keep it short. What is the hurry in your need to talk about your exW to some new gal? IF she asks - answer simply - we didn't have the same idea of what marriage is. You will surely ruin things if you have such a great need to dump all that negativity onto your new date. She really doesn't need to know - stay in "today only" and don't bring up the past. Get to know YOUR DATE! Talk to her about HER!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 2sunny: Thanks for the response! I guess my need to tell her is just to be honest, but I realize that it is not really necessary information for her at this point. I can tell her about it briefly when/if we get closer and feel comfortable that it won't ruin things. I will make sure to stay in "today only". Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Thank Jaymz! Never been to England, I will make a special bacon trip one day maybe. I heard you guys often to bacon on a roll with butter... that's insane. Its called a "Bacon butty", served with red or brown sauce and don't knock it until you try it :-) Now, you have advised too not to tell her about my ex.. when can I do this and when I do obviously I should keep it short. Listen to 2sunny, she is pretty much spot on with her advise. The only other "trap" you may fall into is talking about things you have done in the past which are great to talk about but things that were shared with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 I love when people refer to food or flavors by color... what the hell is red or brown sauce? In my mind I assumt, tomato sauce and beef gravy... am I right? Anyway, sounds good - I want some! You know, I can see myself slipping up - "oh yeah, me and ******** used to..." blah blah blah. Have to think about my life with out her to have topics to discuss, luckily there are many. I had a great and fulfilling life before marrying my stbxw and after the marriage melted down I made a point to get out there and do new things. Had a vaction and have been doing lots of cool things with friends and family. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Here's the thing... When I meet someone and they use the term "we" THAT automatically tells me they are still connected to someone else in their mind. Even a stranger - when they use "we" it indicates to me BIG TIME - that they are UNAVAILABLE, still emotionally "thinking" they are WE instead of ME or I. In my mind - I automatically rule out considering dating someone when they talk that way. Think of it like this- and see what message your mind gets from both statements... I went to the beach yesterday and had a lovely time in the water. We went to the beach yesterday and had a lovely time in the water. By using the word WE - it tells me EVERYTHING I need to know! Use sentences that refer only to YOU as an individual. It helps to send a message that you are available and on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Hey Surfer...glad to hear that you're doing so well, compadre mio! On the date with the new lady...take your time, and be honest with her about where you're at in your divorce/etc... And avoid cooking sans clothing...it can leave some scars that just don't heal... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 2sunny: I gotcha! Will have to be very careful with what I say.. I am getting excited like a teenager, hahaha. Even if it's a flop, I am excited to meet another person and talk - for their to be some potential relationship. Owl: Thank you! Going to make sure to wear a apron when I cook from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Surfer Remember the line "Girls just want to have fun". 2Sunny is right, ask her about her life, such as her favorite foods, where she likes to eat, have you ever tried the WYZ at Tuco's, what does she like to do to have fun, have you ever tried Go-Karts, you get my drift. And should you ever get her to come by your place for a BBQ try this: Shrimp not too small not to big, clean, devein, marianate in white wine over night, next day kebob them on the grill, after wrapping a slice of bacon around them. Pure Ambrosia. If she doesn't like that she is hopeless Where I live the choice of sauce is red or green. Green chili though good is not as hot as red chili, unless you add jalapena. Neither of which I would waste on bacon Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 (edited) You're still married, meaning you have absolutely no business dating, sexing, or 'cooking' up anything with anyone. Yes, it IS too soon, for many reasons. Making it even worse, you're starting it with deception. Work the plan. Work it right and you'll come out OK. Work it wrong and you'll prolong suffering or, never completely escape it. You don't need this, IMO. Edited March 6, 2012 by Steadfast Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Beef gravy on bacon?? Now THAT is insane! Gravy on chips is another matter, yum If I was dating someone and they started telling me all about their STBX, divorce and stuff, I would instantly think "baggage alert EJECT EJECT". But then yeah, I wouldn't date someone who is "separated". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted March 6, 2012 Author Share Posted March 6, 2012 I don't plan on deceiving her.. I will fill her in very shortly after I get to know her a bit. I don't want to turn her off with out her getting to know me, because I am certain that once people get to know me they won't want to forget about me. There are millions of divorced/divorcing and separated people who date. I am not an a-hole or a jerk, I am a really sensitive and caring person. I have no ill intent towards any one on this planet. If nothing more, hey.. I might make a friend at least. I am cool with that. 2.50 - That shrimp sounds killer... it's only 8:30 AM and I could go for some of that! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 It will be interesting to see what comes from your date. I hope your expectations are low - it is our expectations that get us tripped up every time. For me, I never date someone unless their divorce is FINAL! Mainly because - emotionally - they are still connected to that marriage. They just are... So - I caution you - it may not really be fair to offer your time and attention to a new woman when you are so fresh from the connection with your wife. You could be spoiling an opportunity by rushing in too quickly... Just pointing out the obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
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