2sunny Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 I think I am just and always was madly in love with her, thought she was the bees knees, she is gorgeous too.. blah. because a woman is gorgeous - she's allowed to treat you unkindly? wow - you are easy... ok - so - be sure to choose an ugly woman next time - as the pretty ones you let them walk all over you. is that what you are saying? here's a new thought - i am considered beautiful (on the inside and out) - but i would not consider harming myself or others. beauty doesn't have a thing to do with whether or not a person acts in a decent and kind manner. she's just a user and manipulator - call her what she is. when someone is ugly in their actions - it makes them extremely UNATTRACTIVE in my eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Share Posted November 2, 2011 2sunny: Calm down, you are taking it the wrong way. I was just mentioning what I liked about her to Steadfast, as he had also mentioned his wife was gorgeous. Sorry if this upset you. Sometimes I do think ultra beautiful women are twisted (not all of them) but some have this inflated ego and it makes them think they can do/get whatever they want and it is kind of true. Our society places way too much emphasis on appearance. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 2sunny: Calm down, you are taking it the wrong way. I was just mentioning what I liked about her to Steadfast, as he had also mentioned his wife was gorgeous. Sorry if this upset you. Sometimes I do think ultra beautiful women are twisted (not all of them) but some have this inflated ego and it makes them think they can do/get whatever they want and it is kind of true. Our society places way too much emphasis on appearance. and she knows she holds a ton of power over you due to her good looks. so a woman doesn't need to be decent and kind but just beautiful and a bitch to stay married to you? ask yourself why that looks out of balance... and please stop making assumptions - i never said i was upset. did you read the book The Four Agreements? if you didn't - you should! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 2sunny: Again.. I never said that! I have learned a lot from this. Next time I know what to look for. But that is not what I married my wife for, I married her because she was the complete package, she was such an awesome person in every way. Now I realize that things are not always the way they seem. Boo. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Like it or not, attractive people receive more attention (in the form of flirtation, propositions, behind the back comments, and/or popularity) because of their looks and many...if not most, capitalize on that. Some of the things my ex wife said regarding her appearance and the desire it caused made a bad situation worse. Her shallowness nearly knocked my already battered self-esteem into non-existence. Worse still was how it exposed me. She was a prize, and on more than one occasion I used her looks to my advantage in business and social situations. More to the point, her appearance (and sexual appeal) was a point of pride for me, but that was turned around to cause increased pain. That's a hard lesson to learn. Even so, looks fade and my ex-wife's fear of that was (and I suspect, still is) a major stumbling block for her. I knew trouble was brewing when our (even more beautiful) teenage daughter began pulling more admiring glances from men then she did. This friends, is when beautiful gets ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Steadfast: So true. Bound to happen, your daughter catching up/being more beautiful than the wife. Time... and gravity. haha __ So... last night, my wife had a group therapy appointment, they go until 9:30. Then she drives home, normally home by 10. It was 10:30 and I was starting to worry and was about to go to bed so I called and no answer. She calls me back 15 minutes later and wakes me up, she is crying. She says "I'm upset." - I ask "why are you upset, because of our relationship?" She says "yes". She does not want to talk about it at that point and did not want to discuss it when she got home. She was a bit nicer than normal this morning. What do yo think this means? She wants to get back together or that she is just upset about the situation and sad? I think it means she wants to get back together because if she didn't she wouldn't call me to tell me she was upset and cry on the phone (showing her weakness). Now, don't go thinking I will take her back.. I just want to get all of your opinions on what this means. Thoughts on this folks? Also, I got in touch with my father in law by email, told him I would call them and tell them what really has gone on for the past year. I think this is important to do. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Steadfast: So true. Bound to happen, your daughter catching up/being more beautiful than the wife. Time... and gravity. haha __ So... last night, my wife had a group therapy appointment, they go until 9:30. Then she drives home, normally home by 10. It was 10:30 and I was starting to worry and was about to go to bed so I called and no answer. She calls me back 15 minutes later and wakes me up, she is crying. She says "I'm upset." - I ask "why are you upset, because of our relationship?" She says "yes". She does not want to talk about it at that point and did not want to discuss it when she got home. She was a bit nicer than normal this morning. What do yo think this means? She wants to get back together or that she is just upset about the situation and sad? I think it means she wants to get back together because if she didn't she wouldn't call me to tell me she was upset and cry on the phone (showing her weakness). Now, don't go thinking I will take her back.. I just want to get all of your opinions on what this means. Thoughts on this folks? Also, I got in touch with my father in law by email, told him I would call them and tell them what really has gone on for the past year. I think this is important to do. It means nothing Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 If that's true, which I am not saying it isn't... why would she call me and say that? F'ing s***. Rollercoaster time. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 If that's true, which I am not saying it isn't... why would she call me and say that? F'ing s***. Rollercoaster time. You can't read minds. For all you know she's seeing someone else and been dumped... or she's feeling guilty... or she's conflicted. But right now none of this should matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Rob: I know I shouldn't care at this point but it's still a bit of a mind f***. I am not a mind reader, I am not a detective, I may never know. Part of me wants to know. I would love to be able to turn her down if she wants to get back with me, I would love to crush her in that way. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 What do yo think this means? It means you are failing at NC! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 jaymz: You would be right, but I am not doing NC necessarily - more like LC. However, we talk for less than 5 minutes per day even though we live together. I don't send her texts and she does not send me texts. We barely talk. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 It means you are failing at NC! Yep, he has no kids so he can NC instead of LC. It's time to lawyer up and remove her from your life Surfer. This is the second time around. You have put everything into saving this and she's put zero effort. Time to let go.. see that lawyer.. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 was about to go to bed so I called and no answer. WTF dude? Her life is her own. You are not her husband any more. Stop treating her like a wife. She says "I'm upset." - I ask "why are you upset, because of our relationship?" UH HUH... WRONG ANSWER... correct answer is, "Why is that my problem? Don't call me after bedtime. Goodnight." hang up, turn phone off. I think it means she wants to get back together Dude, why do you give 2 short ships what it "means"? Even if she does want to get back together your answer is going to be HELL NO isn't it? So who cares what is going on in her sick twisted mind? Also, I got in touch with my father in law by email, told him I would call them and tell them what really has gone on for the past year. I think this is important to do. No, it's not. Leave her family to her. They are not your problem or your business any more. If she wants to lie her arse off to them then that is up to her. They are not a part of your life any more so just forget it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Rob: I am done my friend. Lawyer contact has been made. I live with her still, so NC is impossible at this time unfortunately, believe me - I know how therapeutic it was last time, I began feeling better pretty quickly after and it got some results (not my goal this time). You are right she put in zero effort. I don't know if she is wavering on her decision or if she is just an emotional wreck. Either way, I will survive and carry on with MY life that way I want it to play out. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 What you're doing is not even LC. It is just C. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 PNP: They are still my family (kinda) and I love them and miss them. I want to tell them how shi*** their daughter has been to me the past year and let them know that I am a good guy. I need to clear my name if she is talking ill of me. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Surfer... It meant that she had too much to drink, and got emotional as a result. Nothing more than that...at all. You want proof of that? If it "meant something"...she'd have discussed it with you this morning. Did she? Nope. Instead, she was embarassed by her moment of showing weakness, and tried to cover it up by being nicer than usual this morning. She didn't show any actions that demonstrated a change of attitude. So her words (crying) meant nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 When there are 2 sides to a story, family will always side with their blood. She is the one who will be wiping their arse and choosing a nursing home in 20 years time, after all, when you're just a memory and a photo in the album. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Owl: I don't think she was drunk as she was at her therapist and then drove home right after. I agree though, she didn't want to discuss this morning. When I discuss lately with her though it turns into a fight every time. I am filled with so much anger towards her, it is inevitable. PNP: That's a nice way to put it, thanks man. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Sorry dude but it's the truth. In 10 years or 2 years or even 6 months you will not be in contact with her family any more but she will. Her family are much more likely to take her side than yours, even if they seem like they are believing what you tell them, they aren't going to fall out with her over it. I would recommend simply detaching and let her handle her family. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Surfer: Think nothing of it, these are only words. On the other hand had she climbed into bed with you and went after Willie, that might have been a different matter. That is called action Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 What is the first rule of engagement .... Do NOT engage. Yet you do. Now she has more evidence that YOU worry and care more than she does... Power has been handed back to her AGAIN by YOU! What did it mean? It simply means she wants you providing her an easy party life - and if she cries, hugs and kisses you - she's bound to get her easy life back. You are her doormat. Talk to the counselor about why you want to be her doormat. If you talk to her family - stick to the evidence... And remind them that you love them. YOU are bringing all this on yourself. You took her call - you filled in the words ( you didn't even MAKE HER use her words to tell you why she was crying). I give her this - she a good manipulator... But in order to be that - there needs to be someone to manipulate = and that someone is you every time you interact with her. And YOU CONTINUE to do that. You get upset because you engage. Stop engaging her. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 It makes me sad that I see the me of about 5 years ago in Surfer. Was I ever really that naive? No offense meant Surfer. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Surfer...re-reading this thread, I have to ask the question of YOU... How is the current situation any different today than it was two months ago? I know you're going to say that you FEEL different about her. But...your ACTIONS don't show any difference today than they did two months ago. You're still wanting her to behave one way, and you're still getting upset when she doesn't. Nothing different today than it was then. You're still in the exact same situation you've been in all along. YOUR ACTIONS DON'T INDICATE THAT YOU REQUIRE CHANGE. She's not changing...you know that. But you're still doing the same thing you've always done. See what I'm trying to tell you here? Link to post Share on other sites
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