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What i have learned thus far...

Jonnyy

By Jonnyy,
in Coping

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Jonnyy

Jonnyy

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I posted this in my coping journal, but i thought id share it with the rest of you guys in a whole thread. Even add things you have learned!

 

What i have learned thus far...

 

-Life goes on no matter what happens

-You will most certainly go through hardships in life, but what you have to do is make the most of them and learn from these experiences

-There is always someone out there who is better for you

-Sometimes you just have to go through life with the mindset that everything happens for a reason

-Music truly is an amazing medicine

-When you think you're at your lowest, take that opportunity to build yourself back up into someone who is even better than when you were at your highest

-Breakups with someone you truly loved dearly are tough, but if it was meant to be they will soon realize it and accomodate for that

-Friends and family are amazing coping tools

-Its always good to have someone to talk to rather than being alone. Do your best to be with someone in the early stages of a breakup

-My breakup did more good than bad in the sense that i am a person who is better in every single way than my old self

-Its through great hardships that we learn who we truly are and how strong we can be

-Your ex may not care for you anymore, they may not think about you, they may even want you out of their life all together, but its your job to be mature and respect that and live for yourself while you can.

-The pain doesnt last forever

-Everything always gets better, you just gotta believe...Believe in Something

-Love Everyone

-Getting involved with something is a great way to take your mind off things and get you into healing mode

-Sometimes you just gotta let your emotions run their course

-Cutting off all contact with your ex is the BEST thing you can possibly do for healing

-Stay positive, Optimism speeds up the healing process, creates confidence, and builds you into a better person

-I am still young, i have alot of life to live, This is simply a learning experience which i feel everyone should go through, although i dont wish this pain onto anyone, its just a good thing to experience...it truly makes you stronger

-Writing your feelings into a journal or just writing at all lifts a large amount of weight off of your shoulders

-Take your time after a breakup when looking for a new relationship. Be patient so you can find someone that will do more for you than just filling a current empty space.

-For those suffering from a GIGS breakup like myself...You are better off without them at this point in time. You have to let them run their course and realize for themselves that sometimes when you get greedy, you lose everything you have.

-Helping others helps yourself

-Go through your pain and suffering for the amount its worth, but dont make it your everyday personality. Be happy and live life.

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Thieves

Thieves

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Lovely thread, Jonnyy. I agree with all of them! :) I think the hardest thing to realize is that each person has a right to their own happiness. Even if it doesn't involve you.

 

Yes, it's sad that you couldn't make that person happy (or happier), when that's all you wanted to do. It's sad that you weren't the one that they said 'saved them', or makes their world that much brighter. But we all deserve to find someone who does make us feel that way. If it wasn't with us, then you have to respect their decision to try and find it with someone else. My problem is getting past the way they hurt me along the way, so I can really forgive them.

 

It takes a while to really sink in and believe in it fully, but I'm getting there, slowly..

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smudge21

smudge21

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- You can only ever help those who actually ask for help in the first place.

 

(something I've definitely had drilled into me lately - despite my desperation at helping my ex, my addition, my friend, and not let her throw her life away, I need to realise that some people are not willing to be helped and have to learn the hard way, despite how upsetting it is for those around them to witness.)

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Karala

Karala

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Wow, great stuff, thank you!! I'm curious as to how long it has taken you to learn these lessons? I'm 6 months out of my b/u and kinda obsessed with timelines, lol.

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Jonnyy

Jonnyy

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Wow, great stuff, thank you!! I'm curious as to how long it has taken you to learn these lessons? I'm 6 months out of my b/u and kinda obsessed with timelines, lol.

 

You may be surprised, but im about 7 weeks post breakup. Its even surprising to myself. Ive learned so much that its amazing.

 

Thanks everyone for the comments and the additions! I love them

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SCG_Sasa1111

SCG_Sasa1111

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I am 10 months out. GIGS break up. went through and is still going through the emotions you have described. Everything you have said I have thought of in my mind at some point- you have just seriously taking all my thoughts and put it down on a thread. I cannot thank you enough for writing this because it truly shows you are not alone when you see someone else going through the same thing.

 

It sucks but you are right- you do not want to wish this pain onto anyone but it is something everyone has to experience. IT CHANGES YOU FOREVER

 

I know it has to me- i don't know if its made me more bitter and I hope in time I will know what it is to have a desire to date again..its just hard when you feel like you wasted 4.5 years on a girl who ends up leaving you for someone else. it really makes you question everything in life...but what can you do. Life puts up challenges in front of you to see if you can handle it.

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Jonnyy

Jonnyy

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I am 10 months out. GIGS break up. went through and is still going through the emotions you have described. Everything you have said I have thought of in my mind at some point- you have just seriously taking all my thoughts and put it down on a thread. I cannot thank you enough for writing this because it truly shows you are not alone when you see someone else going through the same thing.

 

It sucks but you are right- you do not want to wish this pain onto anyone but it is something everyone has to experience. IT CHANGES YOU FOREVER

 

I know it has to me- i don't know if its made me more bitter and I hope in time I will know what it is to have a desire to date again..its just hard when you feel like you wasted 4.5 years on a girl who ends up leaving you for someone else. it really makes you question everything in life...but what can you do. Life puts up challenges in front of you to see if you can handle it.

 

You're totally right. I have changed forever as a result of this breakup. In a way, im almost glad she broke up with me simply because of who i am today because of it. Although my relationship was just short of 2 years, i cant imagine being with someone 4.5 years and having them leave out of the blue. I am grateful that it happened sooner than later. I feel your pain none the less. This thing called life is rough, but its long, we have all the time in the world to heal and become who we want to be. Hang in there, its nowhere near to being over.

 

Also thanks everyone for the support of this thread!

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Kageytn

Kageytn

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About 12 weeks out of a toxic relationship that lasted four years. Both of us commit phobes. Both of us responsible for the cycle of push-pull.

 

I've learned:

1. Do not hide out in someone else

2. I really am a survivor

3. Do not give your power to anyone else

4. Do not ignore red flags

5. Make boundaries, keep boundaries, do not walk over your boundaries

6. People will treat you the way you treat yourself

7. I deserve respect

8. I must learn to love myself

9. Family, friends, forums, therapists-get support when you feel down

10. Break ups are a great way to lose weight

11. I am stronger than him

12. Change is painful and it hurts. A lot.

13. One person can not do all the work in a relationship

14. I have to learn to break childhood family cycles of behavior

15. I am worth working on myself and changing

16. I do not want to model toxic relationships to my children

17. It is time to spend my energy and my intelligence on myself.

18. It is better to be alone than with an *******

19. I needed this break up

20. This break up helped me resolve grief over my husband's death and grieve for this loss. I am starting with a clean slate.

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sleepykitten

sleepykitten

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About 12 weeks out of a toxic relationship that lasted four years. Both of us commit phobes. Both of us responsible for the cycle of push-pull.

 

I've learned:

1. Do not hide out in someone else

2. I really am a survivor

3. Do not give your power to anyone else

4. Do not ignore red flags

5. Make boundaries, keep boundaries, do not walk over your boundaries

6. People will treat you the way you treat yourself

7. I deserve respect

8. I must learn to love myself

9. Family, friends, forums, therapists-get support when you feel down

10. Break ups are a great way to lose weight

11. I am stronger than him

12. Change is painful and it hurts. A lot.

13. One person can not do all the work in a relationship

14. I have to learn to break childhood family cycles of behavior

15. I am worth working on myself and changing

16. I do not want to model toxic relationships to my children

17. It is time to spend my energy and my intelligence on myself.

18. It is better to be alone than with an *******

19. I needed this break up

20. This break up helped me resolve grief over my husband's death and grieve for this loss. I am starting with a clean slate.

 

Wow-this could be mine, apart from the death of your husband (so sorry to hear this) i got divorced and didnt face the pain of losing him at all as i rebounded into the ex i am on here about. Time for me to be strong, and not put my happiness in anyone elses hands and finally face the pain of that first loss and other childhood issues i buried. Thanks for sharing this K.

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  • 2 weeks later...
PositiveNegative

PositiveNegative

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Just wanted to bump with my own understandings thus far and what I will take into my next relationship:

 

 

  • Even as a dumpee, DO NOT jump into a relationship after your previous one. It will make it much harder when that relationship eventually ends.
  • You must truly learn how to love yourself before you can love another
  • If you are a male take your position as a male. (Not a chauvinist but I let my ex walk all over me)
  • The honeymoon period does indeed end. The real test of your love is the first major fight.
  • Sometimes it REALLY can be too good to be true.
  • Live in the present STOP thinking and making predictions about the future
  • There is absolutely no need to keep constant communication with a SO, if they do not text you back they are busy.
  • Do not take the one you love for granted. Cherish every single moment.
  • Do not neglect your family. They will always be there and always love you. Love them too.
  • Heavy words (love, marriage, children) SHOULD NOT be lightly thrown.
  • Learn to let go.
  • Live life to its fullest and become your healthiest
  • Little fights that can be avoided should be avoided
  • Never ignore the red flags, discuss and communicate the direction of the relationship TOGETHER.
  • It isn’t your fault, it really was them and not you.
  • There ARE benefits to being single, think of things in life that you have always wanted to do and do them.
  • Love is not a guarantee.
  • You will become better, you will learn to be alone as you were born alone.
  • When you are a good person then great things WILL happen to you. If they leave it is truly their loss.
  • You will live to see another morning. That is a gift beyond gifts.

·

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sleepykitten

sleepykitten

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Just wanted to bump with my own understandings thus far and what I will take into my next relationship:

 

 

  • Even as a dumpee, DO NOT jump into a relationship after your previous one. It will make it much harder when that relationship eventually ends.
  • You must truly learn how to love yourself before you can love another
  • If you are a male take your position as a male. (Not a chauvinist but I let my ex walk all over me)
  • The honeymoon period does indeed end. The real test of your love is the first major fight.
  • Sometimes it REALLY can be too good to be true.
  • Live in the present STOP thinking and making predictions about the future
  • There is absolutely no need to keep constant communication with a SO, if they do not text you back they are busy.
  • Do not take the one you love for granted. Cherish every single moment.
  • Do not neglect your family. They will always be there and always love you. Love them too.
  • Heavy words (love, marriage, children) SHOULD NOT be lightly thrown.
  • Learn to let go.
  • Live life to its fullest and become your healthiest
  • Little fights that can be avoided should be avoided
  • Never ignore the red flags, discuss and communicate the direction of the relationship TOGETHER.
  • It isn’t your fault, it really was them and not you.
  • There ARE benefits to being single, think of things in life that you have always wanted to do and do them.
  • Love is not a guarantee.
  • You will become better, you will learn to be alone as you were born alone.
  • When you are a good person then great things WILL happen to you. If they leave it is truly their loss.
  • You will live to see another morning. That is a gift beyond gifts.

·

That is an inspiration to read this morning and it has really lifted my spirits, thank you for sharing this.

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Jonnyy

Jonnyy

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Just wanted to bump with my own understandings thus far and what I will take into my next relationship:

 

 

  • Even as a dumpee, DO NOT jump into a relationship after your previous one. It will make it much harder when that relationship eventually ends.
  • You must truly learn how to love yourself before you can love another
  • If you are a male take your position as a male. (Not a chauvinist but I let my ex walk all over me)
  • The honeymoon period does indeed end. The real test of your love is the first major fight.
  • Sometimes it REALLY can be too good to be true.
  • Live in the present STOP thinking and making predictions about the future
  • There is absolutely no need to keep constant communication with a SO, if they do not text you back they are busy.
  • Do not take the one you love for granted. Cherish every single moment.
  • Do not neglect your family. They will always be there and always love you. Love them too.
  • Heavy words (love, marriage, children) SHOULD NOT be lightly thrown.
  • Learn to let go.
  • Live life to its fullest and become your healthiest
  • Little fights that can be avoided should be avoided
  • Never ignore the red flags, discuss and communicate the direction of the relationship TOGETHER.
  • It isn’t your fault, it really was them and not you.
  • There ARE benefits to being single, think of things in life that you have always wanted to do and do them.
  • Love is not a guarantee.
  • You will become better, you will learn to be alone as you were born alone.
  • When you are a good person then great things WILL happen to you. If they leave it is truly their loss.
  • You will live to see another morning. That is a gift beyond gifts.

·

 

I have to agree with sleepykitten, this really is an inspiration even to myself. Thanks so much for posting this.

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