ConfusedT Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 sigh, well, drama basically. saw him at the gas station, got into an enormous argument in front of there. then i texted him and we started going at it back and forth arguing, etc. then we saw each other to "talk", resulted in fighting AGAIN and him ignoring me again. anyways, im not really sad, im kind of at this point where its hard to explain... but it made me realize so much!!! LONG POST below:::: so as of today, ive decided to try to be kinder to people and not so mean. Im going to try to stop talkin bad about people and focus on their good qualities. Im going to stop being a b*tch and start being more like I used to be!! I’ve realized that I am in love with a douchebag ******* who is immature and hurtful and angry at something, at me, I guess. But in the end, you cant tell your heart who to love, you can only control your actions. I love him more than ive loved ANYONE.. he is the love of my life, regardless of everything he put me through, im tired of being in denial. I am going to feel this way no matter what I do, time will probably change it eventually, but as of right now. That is what it is! Goin around being fake and actin like it doesn’t matter to me is the furthest thing from the truth. I was bein as fake as he was pretending that I didn’t care, when in fact, I cared more than anyone ever did. im so tired of pretending that things were ok. that i was OK, when clearly I WASNT!! fakin it til you make it didnt work for me, i cant live a lie. you could have looked in my eyes and saw the real sadness I will learn to love and respect myself again. I will find my self-worth again, but im not going to stop loving that man at this point. He stepped all over me, destroyed me, but I will build myself back up again & I will still love him while im doing so.. thats the thing about love, it's unconditional... I don’t care about karma anymore either, for him or for her.. I wish him the best of everything and I will pray for him everynight that he finds happiness, because that is what real love is- watching that other person happy, even if it’s not with you or because of you… he is the worst thing that happened to me, he betrayed me and left me when i needed him the most, but he is also the best thing that ever happened to me, because i learned what true, real love was, from my end. the kind that supersedes anything and forgives always. i am moving on (going NC again), but at this point, im just not ready to let go of my love yet. some may disagree, but i have to walk in my shoes everyday and pretending to not love someone or to be over them is just being in denial & lying to yourself! feel the pain & the love, take it in, hold onto it and when you are ready, let it go, but dont fool anyone else, because in the end you're jus foolin yourself... Link to post Share on other sites
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