Jump to content

He's More Than MM

His4Always

By His4Always,
in The Other Man / Woman

 Share Followers 1

Recommended Posts

  • Author
His4Always

His4Always

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Most people come to these boards because they are trying to make sense of the situations they are in. Some come at the beginning of the A, some in the middle, some, like me came after I ended the A. Added to that there are a quite a few BS that come and post here as well, some to vent, some to slap reality into the situation.

 

For me, I like the mixture of opinions, thoughts, and situations as it has given me some great perspective and aided me through navigating a very difficult time in my life. And, honestly life is about learning, gaining insight and having better understanding of all aspects of the world around us so we can become more complete, happy and content within ourselves.

 

A lot of newcomers equate being welcomed with being validated. And the truth is being validated isn't being supported, being validated has to do with hearing what you want to hear. Being supported means others imparting their experience, how they handled the situation, what they didn't see that they learned later, and you as an individual then glean from those pieces of experience to see if they fit your situation. Nobody is forcing these constructs on you, you ask a question and we'll give you our opinions based on our personal experiences.

 

For me if you use JP or MM doesn't really matter, it just makes it difficult for someone reading your situation for the first time wondering what JP means. For me, as I said previously I use xMW actually more out of respect for her, by obfuscating her identity as best as possible I'm protecting her, which is what I would do with anyone I love or care for. You might see it as depersonalization but every time I type xMW I get a little smile, a little glint in my eye because I KNOW who that is.

I really like the bolded. Thank you for that. :)
Link to post
Share on other sites
TurningTables

TurningTables

Posted
Posted

Yes he is more than just a MM....

 

He is another woman's husband maybe? :rolleyes:

 

Sorry..I had to..lol

Link to post
Share on other sites
wannabdone

wannabdone

Posted
Posted
Yes he is more than just a MM....

 

He is another woman's husband maybe? :rolleyes:

 

Sorry..I had to..lol

 

 

YUP! :lmao:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ellin

Ellin

Posted
Posted
Hi Ellin,

Yes, I was talking about a nickname. I was reading some threads, and I thought calling the person you love MM or AP was very generic. Antiseptic. I thought perhaps there was a rule that the accepted acronym must be used.

 

Not only antiseptic but very confusing for newcomers. I remember reading posts and thinking "...what??".:)

Link to post
Share on other sites
TurningTables

TurningTables

Posted
Posted
Actually, no, you didn't have to.

But you did, because you wanted to.

 

Oh yeah... almost forgot... LOL!! :)

 

 

LOL>> Yes I did have to. Because its the truth? ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
TurningTables

TurningTables

Posted
Posted
There are many truths which are left unspoken.

 

 

lol..Im not sure what you mean by this quote? Are you implying that the OP is lying about her situation? Either way, she is involved with a MM that has a wife. She has no proof that the W knows other than MM and "word of mouth" in which we all know how that goes. Coming on here talking about how her and MM just made love, etc, etc says to me that either everything in fairy tale land is NOT what she says it is, or she is a troll.:rolleyes:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted

I do find it perplexing and annoying when middle aged people, or anyone out of their very early teens, for that matter, insist on viewing love as a one-dimensional fairy tale type of relationship. It's NEVER that way, whether your partner is married to somebody else, to you, or to nobody.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SoMovinOn

SoMovinOn

Posted
Posted
There are many truths which are left unspoken.

 

lol..Im not sure what you mean by this quote?

 

LOL! :sick:

 

What I mean is, just because something is true, doesn't mean you should say it, or that it is right to say it. Your favorite relative drops by for coffee, wearing some hideous outfit. You don't greet them with "Hi! Your outfit is hideous!! LOL!" ... that would just be rude and unnecessary. You get a gift you don't particularly like, you don't say "OMG! I can't believe you bought me this piece of ****! LOL!" ... You're at an important business lunch with your boss and several important clients. Your boss is using his salad fork to eat his meal, you don't say "Haven't you ever learned proper meal etiquitte? LOL!"

 

Or... do you? If so, I'm sure you're a blast in social and business settings.

Link to post
Share on other sites
TurningTables

TurningTables

Posted
Posted
LOL! :sick:

 

What I mean is, just because something is true, doesn't mean you should say it, or that it is right to say it. Your favorite relative drops by for coffee, wearing some hideous outfit. You don't greet them with "Hi! Your outfit is hideous!! LOL!" ... that would just be rude and unnecessary. You get a gift you don't particularly like, you don't say "OMG! I can't believe you bought me this piece of ****! LOL!" ... You're at an important business lunch with your boss and several important clients. Your boss is using his salad fork to eat his meal, you don't say "Haven't you ever learned proper meal etiquitte? LOL!"

 

Or... do you? If so, I'm sure you're a blast in social and business settings.

 

 

You are kidding me right? If you found my comments to be rude or insulting, why didnt you just say so? This beating around the bush you are doing is annoying. HOWEVER, your above post is written in a manner of insulting me, but I think you think you are putting it in a nice way. I did not miss your underlying tone. The only people that would potentially have a problem with my original post would be anyone who is in an A and happily boasting that fact. The reason my comment would bother anyone is the fact that they would have to put a mirror up to their face, look at themselves and realize that they are hurting someone who didnt deserve it. The truth still remains is that the OP's MM is more than just a MM. He is another woman's husband. Its basically black and white with no room for inbetween unless they have agreed to an open M. And which I might add (again) that the OP only has the MM's word on this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
woinlove

woinlove

Posted
Posted
LOL! :sick:

 

What I mean is, just because something is true, doesn't mean you should say it, or that it is right to say it. Your favorite relative drops by for coffee, wearing some hideous outfit. You don't greet them with "Hi! Your outfit is hideous!! LOL!" ... that would just be rude and unnecessary. You get a gift you don't particularly like, you don't say "OMG! I can't believe you bought me this piece of ****! LOL!" ... You're at an important business lunch with your boss and several important clients. Your boss is using his salad fork to eat his meal, you don't say "Haven't you ever learned proper meal etiquitte? LOL!"

 

Or... do you? If so, I'm sure you're a blast in social and business settings.

 

 

This seems very harsh - you sarcastically imply that another poster doesn't know how to behave in social and business settings - and all because she said a MM is married to his wife? What's eating you?

Link to post
Share on other sites
SoMovinOn

SoMovinOn

Posted
Posted
You are kidding me right? If you found my comments to be rude or insulting, why didnt you just say so? This beating around the bush you are doing is annoying. HOWEVER, your above post is written in a manner of insulting me, but I think you think you are putting it in a nice way...

 

You're making this far more complicated than it ever needed to be. Was my response not insulting? Not at all. You indicated you didn't know what I meant when said many truths are left unspoken.

 

Where I am from, that is a basic premise of etiquette and living in a polite society. You don't have to say something, just because it is true, and, there are many times when the better choice is to not say anything.

 

So, let's look at where this starts;

 

Yes he is more than just a MM....

 

He is another woman's husband maybe? :rolleyes:

 

Sorry..I had to..lol

 

You're rolling your eyes, you're laughing out loud... would you ask me, or anyone else to believe, the point of your comment was to be anything other than derogatory and inflammatory?

 

So, I pointed out that you didn't have to. You responded yet again, insisting you did have to. But you didn't, and you needn't have taken it any further. Now, instead of discussing the OP's point, we get to discuss why saying something rude isn't required.

 

The only people that would potentially have a problem with my original post would be anyone who is...

 

... opposed to rude, unnecessary comments, posted only for the purpose of being derogatory, adding nothing helpful to the discussion.

 

 

The truth still remains is that the OP's MM is more than just a MM. He is another woman's husband.

 

Being another woman's husband makes him a MM, so, no, he's not "more than just an MM". He is exactly a MM. She knows he's a MM. Everyone on this board knows he is a MM. You making a sarcastic comment doesn't change his marital status or provide anyone here with any useful information. So... as I said, you didn't have to say it. It was as simple as that.

 

If you have further issue with me on this, I suggest taking it up with me in PM so as not to further pollute the thread.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SoMovinOn

SoMovinOn

Posted
Posted
This seems very harsh - you sarcastically imply that another poster doesn't know how to behave in social and business settings - and all because she said a MM is married to his wife? What's eating you?

 

I wasn't implying anything. TurningTables clearly indicated she was not aware of the concept of not saying something simply because it is true. It wasn't simply the fact that she felt the need to point out something everyone already knows, it was the addition of the rolling eyes and the laugh which indicated the spirit and intention of the message. There's no need for that here (or anywhere else).

Link to post
Share on other sites
woinlove

woinlove

Posted
Posted
I wasn't implying anything. TurningTables clearly indicated she was not aware of the concept of not saying something simply because it is true. It wasn't simply the fact that she felt the need to point out something everyone already knows, it was the addition of the rolling eyes and the laugh which indicated the spirit and intention of the message. There's no need for that here (or anywhere else).

 

Actually, what is "clear" to you is based on your own assumptions and isn't at all clear. Nowhere does TT imply that everything true has to be always stated. She stated one truth and felt it was appropriate. Your following comment was cryptic and rather than explain, you make a sarcastic comment about her social and business skills.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ellin

Ellin

Posted
Posted
You are kidding me right? If you found my comments to be rude or insulting, why didnt you just say so? This beating around the bush you are doing is annoying. HOWEVER, your above post is written in a manner of insulting me, but I think you think you are putting it in a nice way. I did not miss your underlying tone. The only people that would potentially have a problem with my original post would be anyone who is in an A and happily boasting that fact. The reason my comment would bother anyone is the fact that they would have to put a mirror up to their face, look at themselves and realize that they are hurting someone who didnt deserve it. The truth still remains is that the OP's MM is more than just a MM. He is another woman's husband. Its basically black and white with no room for inbetween unless they have agreed to an open M. And which I might add (again) that the OP only has the MM's word on this.

I hate to spoil your fun TT but "another woman's husband" is NOT more than just a MM. It's exactly the SAME thing.

 

ETA - oops, SMO has already said that.

Link to post
Share on other sites
jthorne

jthorne

Posted
Posted

Am I the only one to see the irony in the etiquette debate?

I'm just guessing, but Miss Manners would probably find the whole business of having affairs in very poor etiquette regardless what the MM is called.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ellin

Ellin

Posted
Posted
Am I the only one to see the irony in the etiquette debate?

I'm just guessing, but Miss Manners would probably find the whole business of having affairs in very poor etiquette regardless what the MM is called.

Maybe indiscredtion more than the affair.;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
MissBee

MissBee

Posted
Posted
Am I the only one to see the irony in the etiquette debate?

I'm just guessing, but Miss Manners would probably find the whole business of having affairs in very poor etiquette regardless what the MM is called.

 

:laugh:

 

The things people take issue with are always rather interesting and nitpicky in the larger scheme of things....

Link to post
Share on other sites
SoMovinOn

SoMovinOn

Posted
Posted
:laugh:

 

The things people take issue with are always rather interesting and nitpicky in the larger scheme of things....

 

When you think about it, *most* things people take issue with are insignificant in the big scheme of things. One of the most obvious titles on this was the book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (and it's all small stuff)"

 

Perhaps interestingly, that is what I arrived at in my experience as a BS. I went through all the usual range of emotions. I got over it it all when I stopped and considered that our marriage was over and worrying about why, or what she did, didn't matter. Her A's were a symptom, not the problem. The marriage would have been over anyway. Once I realized that, the A's became small stuff.

Link to post
Share on other sites
MissBee

MissBee

Posted
Posted
When you think about it, *most* things people take issue with are insignificant in the big scheme of things. One of the most obvious titles on this was the book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (and it's all small stuff)"

 

Perhaps interestingly, that is what I arrived at in my experience as a BS. I went through all the usual range of emotions. I got over it it all when I stopped and considered that our marriage was over and worrying about why, or what she did, didn't matter. Her A's were a symptom, not the problem. The marriage would have been over anyway. Once I realized that, the A's became small stuff.

 

Well I'm glad you came to that...revelation/liberation.

Link to post
Share on other sites
TurningTables

TurningTables

Posted
Posted
I'm done with the etiquette part of this discussion. If you wish to discuss it further with me, take it to PM.

 

 

Sigh. I could easily keep this going, but Im not going to. Please dont call me out on a thread about something Ive said, then get your "digs" in and then all the sudden say "PM me" like youve won.:rolleyes:

 

Im taking the high road on this one.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Trovador

Trovador

Posted
Posted (edited)

Well, it seems to me you've lost^...

 

"You've been served" (please somebody tell me where this reference is from)...

 

But I'm sure this thread had a point...

 

ON TOPIC: My suggestion is you could take your postS about your special mate (I do believe he's that special to you, or at least you think he is) in some other subforum, just hiding some delicate details because if in this subforum one is not understood, forget about the rest of them when the scope is so different from this:

 

Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner

 

(It doesn't say insulting, degrading, demeaning, takings jabs at, making fun of, etc. those who find themselves involved in an A)

Edited by Trovador
Link to post
Share on other sites
 Share
Followers 1
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...