After being NC for nearly 14 months, she emails me...

[triphopper414]

Jeff, kudos to you for getting over her and trying new things.

 

I would not even have read it.

[RIO5]

You should take it as a compliment that your ex, whom you haven't spoken to in over a year, still manages to think about you. You had some affect on your ex. Good job with going NC for that long. You really shouldn't be thinking too much with her emailing you. Remember, she had her chance. So try not to think to hard about whats 'really' behind her message in the email. Its human nature to look in our 'past' when our 'present' isn't working. And again, 14 months of NC...thats very impressive. Keep that up!!!

[jeff2321]

I want to thank all of your for your responses the last few days.

 

I still haven't replied to her email and I don't think I can get myself to do it. I really am terrified of her at this point simply due to the fact i experienced so much pain and regret for over a year after she left. I realize a lot of it could have been my fault and I do have regrets about not being a better guy -- but that was over a year ago. I just don't have the strength in me at this point to open it up all over again... She is going to have to really make an effort if that is what she wants, but I don't think she wants me back in her life, not at this point. She is probably going through her own dark days of dealing with her most recent break up.

 

Thanks again all of you. As always I will continue to post and help people here in this community. You all helped me so much when i was down the last year. In many ways, especially during the really dark days, this website and the people I have met here kept me from ending it all. I am in a better place now and feel the next year of my life will be amazing.

 

Jeff2321

[2011]

Hi Jeff

 

it's good you have realised that it is probably best not to reply to her email as this is about you nor her, you do not know what is going on her end and well it is best kept that way, I am same with ex I would love to know but deep down I think better to not know.

 

You have to think what do you want and does she form part of that "want", i'll bet it probably still does but like most of us here we remember the emotional trauma and the pain we went through to get over the rejection and we do not want to venture down that dark tunnel again.

 

If you can resist that and realise what will be will be then you are a stronger person than you ever imagined. I would never say I do not know what you went through as I went through it too, and it seems like you will never get better but somehow you do and when you do you start thinking about the situation more rationally rather than with floods of emotions, we would all have cut our arm off just to get back with them in the early days wouldn't we?

 

I could never see a day where all my hopes/dreams for the future with her would not be etched in my mind's eye every day yet that day is here, yeah I do still think on her but it's like a more and more distant unemotional thought.

 

Anyways glad you are slowly but surely getting there and stick with the NC, you do not want to go down that road again. Your silence can say more than words ever could.

 

2011

[jeff2321]

2011,

 

Thanks for the encouragement with NC. NC has really been a blessing for me as I didn't sit idly by and watch painfully what she was doing. I think that decision coupled with the amount of time that has passed, has given me the strength to not reply to the email. It's amazing what time and NC will do. It's not that I'm not curious or don't have feelings, but I have to do what is best for me at this point.

 

Over the last year I have jumped out of planes a lot, scuba dived, driven 100mph down the highway with a sport bike, started rock climbing and hanging off 50 ft cliffs, saved up a lot of money, got closer to finishing a degree, and back into a more healthy lifestyle. After I crashed on my motorcycle 3 months ago I started to realize I wasn't exactly immortal and settled down a bit. I will probably still continue to rock climb and sky dive though... they are actually pretty safe sports if you do them right.

 

I don't think I would have ever considered jumping out of a plane if I wasn't as hurt as I was. I mean I literally didn't give a **** about anything at that point -- it's incredible to see how far I've come since then.

 

I think I'm 12 jumps away from being certified to sky dive solo and do boogies. Perhaps next summer I'll get my cert.

 

Here is long range pic of me rock climbing (long range since I'm trying to keep some anonymity). http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/230292_2073972567266_1183484202_2566918_5127017_n.jpg

 

I really have grown the last year, pain is a powerful motivator.

 

--Jeff2321

Edited September 25, 2011 by jeff2321

[Thieves]

I really have grown the last year, pain is a powerful motivator.

 

--Jeff2321

 

Isn't it? And sky diving, wow. Perhaps one of my greatest fears. Hope I'll be able to conquer it someday like you have, Jeff. Cheers.

[TLCbear]

Great job, Jeff!!! Keep up the good work and keep moving on with your life. 14 months is such a long time to turn back around without any guarantee that it will work out. I know if it was me, I'll be wondering WHY she haven't contacted me before then? That alone, would give me enough strength to continue moving forward. Most exes, anyway, tend to come back after their "rebound" relationship doesn't work out. Her loss, lol.

[K.K.]

2011,

 

 

 

Here is long range pic of me rock climbing (long range since I'm trying to keep some anonymity). http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/230292_2073972567266_1183484202_2566918_5127017_n.jpg

 

 

 

--Jeff2321

 

ohhh yeah ..Sex-ay!!! (don't mind me i couldn't help myself.) :/

[HollyHoliday]

Great job, Jeff! Keeping to NC is so hard, but an e-mail like this is a prime example why it IS the right decision. She isn't your friend, not even an acquaintance. It is really better for the both of you if you just delete the e-mail forever, and continue to improve and move on.

[x3vi4n]

Jeff,

 

I registered on this forum just so I could write a response to you.

 

I am 25 and I dated a woman for 7 years when I was in grade 11. She broke up with me in 2010 and I did all of the worst things you could think of (bombarding her with texts, calls, e-mails, etc.) It was a joke when I think about it.

 

Just reading your original post made me feel funny because I remember the feeling when I'd see her name appear in my Inbox.

 

If there's any advice I can give you, it's that no matter how much you used to care for her, DO NOT RESPOND TO THE E-MAIL. You will always have the upper hand this way and it's so plain and clear that she is only e-mailing you because she is feeling lonely. Women do this. She doesn't want to get back with you or, at least, chances are it doesn't matter because a relationship wouldn't work out at this point.

 

Be strong. Constantly reminder yourself that by responding, you are giving this woman exactly what she wants. She wants to know that she still has you wrapped around her finger. How do I know? Because if she was really interested in getting back with you she would probably start with casual conversation and not just dump all of her problems on you.

[voels]

Okay. I'm jealous. After 11 months of NC, not a single text from my ex. Common friends told she's having the time of her life, travelling and etc with her new BF. You guys are lucky

[0hpenelope]

So much for "never hearing" from them again, eh jeff? How are you holding up today?

 

Okay. I'm jealous. After 11 months of NC, not a single text from my ex. Common friends told she's having the time of her life, travelling and etc with her new BF. You guys are lucky

 

Ok, I have to react to this Sorry dude, it's only been 11 months - still a "short time." My dad has an ex who contacted him years later and he was married to my mom by then (this was in the 80s when Facebook and e-mail didn't even exist). Ms. D-Lish here had an ex-boyfriend from high school contact her a decade later. A different poster's uncle stayed a bachelor after a woman broke his heart and at his funeral, forty years later, that woman showed up and told his sister "I think I made a mistake." So really, my point is where does a timetable really fall into place with these types of situations?

 

Maybe your ex will be one of those exes you won't hear from again, but you're moving on just fine. I'm just saying no one really knows with these things and you shouldn't sell yourself short that she's having the time of her life. That's what you've been told and that's what jeff here assumed about his ex, too. Jeff's ex took 14 months, but it could've very well been never hearing from her again, too and jeff would've been just fine as well. So hold your head up and just keep moving along. Don't wait for it.

 

Sorry for the threadjack, jeff. I just wanted to put out my $0.02 out there again. Glad to see you're making out okay, was worried about how bad you got for a while there and you know what I'm talking about.

[epideanaesy]

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[Thieves]

Ms. D-Lish here had an ex-boyfriend from high school contact her a decade later. A different poster's uncle stayed a bachelor after a woman broke his heart and at his funeral, forty years later, that woman showed up and told his sister "I think I made a mistake."

 

Wow. Honestly, that is just ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous, actually. Ten years? Forty years? If I were in the opposite position and that person approached me after ten years, I'd be lucky if I even remembered what the hell they looked like.

 

I think what's even more insulting is that often these people think you're still even vaguely interested in what they have to say, epiphanies and all, as if you've had a Hold button taped to your forehead all this time just for them. If it takes a person ten or forty years to come to a conclusion about another person they love, I'd seriously have to doubt their sanity.

[jeff2321]

I think my ex was communicating with me through LS using a different name. So I think I technically broke NC.

 

Oh well.

 

The last few days I've thought about it a lot - It was 14 months ago and I don't give a **** anymore lol. I'm meeting all kinds of new people these days and my life is getting really exciting. I'm heading to Australia in a few months too (round 2 of Australia for me).

 

If my ex emails me back, then she does, but based on the content of what I sent this mystery LS person (named jlgymrat), I don't think she will be emailing me back now.

 

It's wierd how an email from the EX can just cause you to go back to day 1 all over again for about a week, but now I'm okay again. I REALLY freaked out one night, but the last two days I have met someone new and I don't really care anymore lol.

 

BTW Thieves, thanks for replying to my private message the other day.

 

Cheers!!!!

 

JEff2321

[jeff2321]

I just figured it out (with the help of some friends).

 

jlgymrat = Jeff Loves GymRat

 

Wow!!!!!

 

Jeff2321

[Thieves]

No problem, Jeff. And weird about that mystery person. You just never know these days, right? Even with online anonymity. Well, that's that, then. Very jealous of you going to Australia. And you've met someone! Seems things are chugging right along for ya, Jeff. I'm happy for you, truly.

 

I think my ex was communicating with me through LS using a different name. So I think I technically broke NC.

 

Oh well.

 

The last few days I've thought about it a lot - It was 14 months ago and I don't give a **** anymore lol. I'm meeting all kinds of new people these days and my life is getting really exciting. I'm heading to Australia in a few months too (round 2 of Australia for me).

 

If my ex emails me back, then she does, but based on the content of what I sent this mystery LS person (named jlgymrat), I don't think she will be emailing me back now.

 

It's wierd how an email from the EX can just cause you to go back to day 1 all over again for about a week, but now I'm okay again. I REALLY freaked out one night, but the last two days I have met someone new and I don't really care anymore lol.

 

BTW Thieves, thanks for replying to my private message the other day.

 

Cheers!!!!

 

JEff2321

[jeff2321]

Hey man, I want to thank you for replying to my thread. I ended up breaking NC and I did reply to her email just now, but it was really an email of closure. Not closure for her, but for me. It took me a few days but I really think I've reached indifference at this point. I just don't care anymore, it's been so long and I've experienced so much pain from it, I know it will never work between us now. Why she emailed me 14 months later is beyond me...

 

I sent her an email explaining what I've been through the last year, and explained the I've moved on. I honestly don't see how it could work anyway... there is just too much history there for both of us -- we both know that. I even gave her the link to my first post here and told her to search/post on these forums if she's so inclined. I do not even care what she thinks at this point.

 

Jeff2321

 

 

Jeff,

 

I registered on this forum just so I could write a response to you.

 

I am 25 and I dated a woman for 7 years when I was in grade 11. She broke up with me in 2010 and I did all of the worst things you could think of (bombarding her with texts, calls, e-mails, etc.) It was a joke when I think about it.

 

Just reading your original post made me feel funny because I remember the feeling when I'd see her name appear in my Inbox.

 

If there's any advice I can give you, it's that no matter how much you used to care for her, DO NOT RESPOND TO THE E-MAIL. You will always have the upper hand this way and it's so plain and clear that she is only e-mailing you because she is feeling lonely. Women do this. She doesn't want to get back with you or, at least, chances are it doesn't matter because a relationship wouldn't work out at this point.

 

Be strong. Constantly reminder yourself that by responding, you are giving this woman exactly what she wants. She wants to know that she still has you wrapped around her finger. How do I know? Because if she was really interested in getting back with you she would probably start with casual conversation and not just dump all of her problems on you.

[IfiKnewThen]

just wow. i am up very late...or early in the morning and reading this post and wow.

 

and what kept coming to mind is the saying

 

 

advise is something we ask for when we already know the answer and wish we didnt-eric jong

 

jeff at the end of the day...its good to get advise. we all need it sometime...but we all have to do what is right for us. i was thinking too as i read this......"maybe he should write back...close the chapter" say things he always wanted to or meant to say and never had the chance to. and its ironic, it shows how much us humans can have in common, but i also thought of sending my link ...in my situation, because, its true, maybe they would have a clue how much we really cared. when apparently maybe they didnt know it before...either from us not showing it enough...or them not caring enough to see it. whatever the case may be. i can honestly say i would have done the very same thing. actually she made herself vulnerable by opening up to you. whether she was interested in you now or not is almost irrelevant. it was the perfect time for you to open up to her too, on your terms, and say what ate you alive for so long.

 

the key is not to expect anything back. and continue to be glad to still be you. considering all the upset you had. and to be a better you now..

 

God bless and good luck

Edited September 28, 2011 by IfiKnewThen

[jeff2321]

Well I woke up this morning and all I can say is 'wow'. Life won't be the same on these forums at this point. I have not made a decision if I will keep posting here with this name or create a brand new one and come back later at a random time. The anonymity I had on this forum is no longer and so it's not really a place I can post and get support for various stuff I go through in life with regard to relationships. I am quite flattered she has followed me on here for this long to be honest... I'm sure for her it's probably complicated.

 

She replied to my email last night and is supposedly going to follow up with me again. At this point I am indifferent to the situation and will just read what she has to say -- I suspect that she is still hurt (based on the tone of her email) and it will likely be another jab at me for how bad of a guy I was to her. Totally expected I suppose. The part I can't figure out is why she needs to tell me how bad I was again 14 months later. Clearly if she has read my posts, she knows I have suffered greatly over the last year and I really can't suffer anymore. I've felt all the pain there is to feel at this point...

 

At this point I have accepted that I muffed the relationship and have dealt with the regret for the most part. I think a part of me will always have an ache when I think about it, but I guess I just have to move on. With that said, I will read what she sends me and perhaps help her with some closure she must need.

 

Anyways, this may be my last post with this name on this forum. I can't say it enough, but I do appreciate everyone on this forum helping me out the last year. I was literally alone going through this and it has been my saving grace.

 

Jeff2321

 

 

 

 

just wow. i am up very late...or early in the morning and reading this post and wow.

 

and what kept coming to mind is the saying

 

 

advise is something we ask for when we already know the answer and wish we didnt-eric jong

 

jeff at the end of the day...its good to get advise. we all need it sometime...but we all have to do what is right for us. i was thinking too as i read this......"maybe he should write back...close the chapter" say things he always wanted to or meant to say and never had the chance to. and its ironic, it shows how much us humans can have in common, but i also thought of sending my link ...in my situation, because, its true, maybe they would have a clue how much we really cared. when apparently maybe they didnt know it before...either from us not showing it enough...or them not caring enough to see it. whatever the case may be. i can honestly say i would have done the very same thing. actually she made herself vulnerable by opening up to you. whether she was interested in you now or not is almost irrelevant. it was the perfect time for you to open up to her too, on your terms, and say what ate you alive for so long.

 

the key is not to expect anything back. and continue to be glad to still be you. considering all the upset you had. and to be a better you now..

 

God bless and good luck

[PollyIvy]

Keep up the NC Jeff. It is a process. You have come so far and there is a wonderful woman for you out there. You are doing so much work on yourself, and you are turning into someone's perfect man.

 

 

On your shaking - just have to say it is interesting because my husband shakes and has panic and adrenaline rushes when he speaks to me. (we are separated / he's involved another woman / married for 15 years / 3 kids /I'm financially dependent and unemployed and with the kids / no divorce proceedure yet) I guess it's fear? He is NC with me but I have to contact him every month so he sends us money. Effin weird.

[IfiKnewThen]

glad you got the note i wrote last night. good luck to you jeff.

 

was a great pic too (capturing your metamorphosis or rebirth into healing) climbing that rock/mountain.

 

most of us are still climbing the walls but in a different way...lol

 

i too made stride but none that match yours but were milestones for me. today i am sad though because it seems..hes still not nice or remotely understanding.

 

 

at least she did reach out to you or cared what the heck you were doing by coming on here. she cared if you were dead or alive. some of us dont get that

[jeff2321]

Thanks everyone. This is my last post on LoveShack with this name.

 

I got her email and I cried reading it... I hope she got the closure she needed. I have to go back to being NC and this time it's permanent so that I can once again heal and move on.

 

I will join again later under a different name that isn't relevant at all.

 

Good bye everyone.

 

Jeff2321

[IfiKnewThen]

jeff i am so sorry

 

is that all she wanted? closure for herself? i know you cant answer.

 

but that sux. i know whats it like ...to feel the door close.

 

 

jeff another door will open, and bring you happiness. you have a very good head on your shoulders.

 

we probably will recognize the wize man that returns.

 

when you do, please maybe send us a note a PM...if thats at all possible. i am sure all of us would honor your privacy. anyway good luck and God bless.

 

keep moving forward.

[seslise1112]

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