yet another question on porn

[UCFKevin]

Moi, we're meant for each other!

 

(runs towards you in slow motion)

[Gingersnap]

My husband also looks at porn, and he has for as long as I've known him. In the beginning it bothered me a lot, but now that we've been together for a while, I don't have a problem with it, and here's why. His looking at porn tells me that he is using that as a sexual outlet rather than acting on it. If he stopped looking at porn, that is when I might worry that he had found another way to get off. Got me?

 

I don't think he knows that I know about his secret stashes of videos and magazines. I have found them in every place we've lived, and it's no big deal to me. I have also looked at porn before (probably not as much as he does because I don't have any secret stashes), and I think it's healthy in a relationship. As a matter of fact, when we were dating, there were times that we watched porn together. It actually spiced up our relationship, believe it or not!

 

Don't be so quick to assume that his porn habits will lead to infidelity--it may just be an outlet for him.

[Confused123]

Good Point Gingersnap!!!

[HaLaLa]

My BF and I are breaking up .. and while porn itself isn't the issue, it is the root of the problem. His problem is fear of commitment and fear of intimacy. See, I could care less about porn in general. Heck, I look at it too sometimes. All of my previous BF's have looked at Porn and I couldn't have cared less. However, my BF is *addicted* to the stuff. He started using it as a teenager because it was the easiest way to deal with women and not have to get rejected.. it was the easiest way to deal with intimacy, or rather, I should say NOT have to deal with real intimacy. He uses it to escape, he uses it because its easier to go to work, come home, jerk off to porn, go to sleep, repeat.

 

He uses it so much that he doesn't have the sexual energy left over for sex with a real live human being. That or he can't get turned on by a real human being because they aren't dressed JUST SO or don't have BOOBS the size of Texas. Yes, he likes women with gigantic boobs (think Score or Juggs magazine). We hardly have sex and he says that he was like that with all his girlfriends.

 

He uses it to break women down into pieces and parts "Assman" "boob man" "leg man" because it's much easier then dealing with a whole person.

 

He needs CONSTANT new stimuli to the point where he almost not even get aroused via any other means than visual stimuli. Sex is not emotional or about love or passion or caring, it’s just a physical act -- because he cannot connect intimacy with sex. Why? Because he is so used to objectifying women and breaking them down into little parts. Who could be intimate with a part?

 

He's watched so much porn for so long that once he gets close to someone he has a hard time having sex with them because he "cares" about them (aka cannot break them down into parts anymore). Something is very wrong here and I think he need therapy.

 

It's not always about a quick masterbation thing. This guy is an addict. It's taken me 1.5 years to realize that he's an addict. Porn is his first and only real love. I feel like I fell in love with a married guy (married to porn) and I'm just his mistress.

 

To make matters worse, I'm still in love with him. Go figure, huh? We are breaking up which is sad. But I want and deserve someone in my life who knows what love is, knows what intimacy is, and is not an addict (of any kind).

 

Whew. That felt good. Thanks for listening and good luck out there.

[johan]

Great post. I believe that it will have similar effects on anyone who "uses" it regularly. "Regularly" is the key word here. I've noticed it in myself in the past when I was single for a long period of time. It also does take away some of the energy I really think is better spent with my girlfriend. It's something to be aware of. I think something like that can sneak up on you.

 

Sorry about your breakup, by the way.