Bruised Not Broken Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 One of the things that has me "stuck" and unable to fully heal...well, aside from the fact taht up till a week ago I was still in contact with him....is After a year with someone...that you profess to love...someone that supposedly you supposedly for the first time could "be yourself" with...that loved you more than anyone...how can you just walk away and not look back?? Does regret ever flicker through your mind? Does NC ever make you sad? I guess I just want to know I actually really mattered and I wasn't "forgettable and replaceable" without a little pain. I know that really shouldn't matter. but I kinda feel like it would ease my pain a tad. Just wonderin' Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 How did the relationship end? I ask because my take on whether dumpers feel anything or even regret their choices is often based on how things ended. I fell out of love with an ex - I tried to make it work but couldn't force the feelings upon myself. The spark had well and truly gone. I ended it and felt happier because I was no longer lying to myself or her. Now because it ended like that, where feelings have just gone, I never did look back. She obviously did cos I'd hurt her, but for me, I'd moved on totally. 6 months on we're now friends and she's with someone else and I'm happy for her. Compare that to when a dumper cheats and leaves - everything's happened quickly and ended just as fast. Feelings are still there. Often people don't cheat because they stop loving the person their with, more because they get some GIGS or simply want some danger, some excitement, something new - they get tempted. Either way, they can still love the person who they've cheated on. So it ends and both parties still have feelings... hence why sometimes there can be regrets from a dumper and they may come back. Obviously this is not a rule, more an observation on my part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bruised Not Broken Posted September 22, 2011 Author Share Posted September 22, 2011 (edited) How did the relationship end? I ask because my take on whether dumpers feel anything or even regret their choices is often based on how things ended. Well, He had lied and cheated during the relationship...but begged me to stay and let him rebuild the trust....and then he broke my trust again...begged again....and to my knowledge was behaving, however, I had trust issues...and he said at one point he needed to have some "new experiences (ie sex with other women) and wanted me to work through these "selfish feelings with him".....I questioned things and he felt that I was 'bringing negativity into his life" Now...this negativity was "who were you talking to on the phone?" or "who ya texting?" I was scared and insecure....and he didn't like dealing with that anymore. He wanted to be a player basically. he wanted 'freedom' to pick up women on the internet or in a bar and have sex without me being upset by it. I guess I was getting negative...that kinda made me feel insecure and not good enough. (though he had a very 'vanilla' sex life until we met..and I'm anything but vanilla...I told him I feel like I created a monster by giving him some of the 'experiences' he had with me...a taste of which he wanted more of. He said he still loved me....well, that was after the split...my heartache and begging kinda killed taht off I think. But, now that I have cut off all contact, I can't help but wonder if he misses me at all. Sunday he loved me and couldn't wait to see me....Monday we were done forever. Edited September 22, 2011 by Bruised Not Broken Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 Well going by what I said above I would imagine he does still think about you and does regret it, but sadly he's burned all his bridges with you by the sound of things and you are better off without. Try not to think about how he feels as that will always lead you to think about seeing him again. Just accept that he's a jerk who didn't know what he had until he'd lost it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bruised Not Broken Posted September 22, 2011 Author Share Posted September 22, 2011 Well going by what I said above I would imagine he does still think about you and does regret it, but sadly he's burned all his bridges with you by the sound of things and you are better off without. Try not to think about how he feels as that will always lead you to think about seeing him again. Just accept that he's a jerk who didn't know what he had until he'd lost it. Thank you. Today is so hard...don't know why. Fingers crossed tomorrow is better. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 We all have ups and downs - regular course of healing. Stick with it and it will get better, but it does take time. Link to post Share on other sites
FinOuch Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 Well going by what I said above I would imagine he does still think about you and does regret it, but sadly he's burned all his bridges with you by the sound of things and you are better off without. Try not to think about how he feels as that will always lead you to think about seeing him again. Just accept that he's a jerk who didn't know what he had until he'd lost it. *thumbs up* Hard to remember this some days. Link to post Share on other sites
HollyHoliday Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 The only thing that I can add to this subject is this: I broke up with someone about a year ago who I was just never really attracted to. It was hard for me to break up with them because I was scared of being alone. However, once I finally DID break up with them, I found myself very okay with the idea and I didn't want to contact them at all. In all honesty, I was just so sure of my decision and I knew it was right, so it was fine with me. It is about now that I am realizing how dysfunctional it was for me to become so "normal" again so soon after the breakup. We had been together for years, and even if I did know that it was 100% the right thing to do, he still deserved better than the way I handeled it. I can only go on with that lesson and treat others better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bruised Not Broken Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 I can only go on with that lesson and treat others better. Well, I guess ultimately, that is all any of us can do is learn from our mistakes. Sounds like you grew from the experience, so that's good Link to post Share on other sites
TLCbear Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 (edited) Does regret ever flicker through your mind? Does NC ever make you sad? I guess I just want to know I actually really mattered and I wasn't "forgettable and replaceable" without a little pain. I know that really shouldn't matter. but I kinda feel like it would ease my pain a tad. Just wonderin' As being the dumper of my last relationship, I wouldn't say I regret ending the relationship because I know it was not going to work after 4 yrs of being together, but sometimes the NC does get to me. We have only been apart for a little over a month and it hurts to know that we will not be getting married and having a wonderful life as I pictured...or going on trips together...or even being together for thanksgiving or christmas. But I tend to keep my focus on moving forward and taking it one day at a time. I know I deserve better...the main thing I miss is the memories and the future of "what it could have been." In one of the letters he sent to me, he said "Funny how life is...few weeks ago all I could think about was marrying you, now all I think about is holding you, kissing you, and seeing you. My life will get better but just wish it was getting better with you in it." How's that for funny, lol. I found this statement to be one of the most stupidiest thing anyone can say. He had 4 yrs with me and had these yrs to improve himself and work with me on the relationship. HE was the one who f*cked up. In 4 yrs, you couldn't make things right, ha. His loss. Edited September 26, 2011 by TLCbear Link to post Share on other sites
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