Is This LOVE Or DESTRUCTION?

[eelloo]

my mom: kind hearted mother who would do anything for her family, she is all about love, giving and help. she works really hard to give her family the best standard of life, and would die for her kids if she had to.

 

my sister: Izzy 18 y.o., the lazy ignorant selfish piece of sh*t. She is incapable of facing consequences of her wrong doings, and constantly takes advantage of my moms kindness.

 

my dad: a whole different story. my mom divorced him for being a lazy unsupportive jerk. he has nothing going for him, he rents a little room for 300/month (tho he can afford to buy a condo) he doesn't work, and he is really cheap b/c he feels as if he does not deserve anythin better.

 

Izzy the lazy slob did not get accepted into any colleges/uni, she also isn't working. She "said" she was going to get a job in Jan 2011, its now Sept 2011 and she hasn't even been handing out resumes or trying. My mom always says she doesn't need to work b/c of school, but she failed english and didn't finish her comm hours, (shows how hard she was working when she had nothing else to do but school eh) She made my mom pay 800$ for her to attend a private school so she could get an easy grade, and my mom bothered me everyday to do something about her comm hours. I got an old friend of mine to sign saying she did comm hours for the library, he said she can complete 3 hrs per week in the future (since she needed the form then). Its been one month and she hasn't said a word to him to arrange anything. Day in day out she sits in front of her laptop, she does some house chores WHEN TOLD TO, and doesn't do a good job as she always needs to come back to redo it b/c it was done so half assed all the time. She has no responsibilities in life; she got an asthma attack the other day and first thing she did was go tell mother. Mother of course came bothering me daily about taking izzy to the doctor (I drive and izzy has been to lazy to get her liscense) and getting her puffer. We live 15 mins away from our fam doctor, there are busses and vivas everywhere. Apparently it was now me and my moms issue because SHE has asthma. I tried forcing my sister to arrange it herself and taking the bus there, when my mom intervened and thought "OMG i can't let my poor little daughter go to her doc appts ALL ALONE and ON A BUS.. i MUST do it FOR HER!!" so I argue with my mom and she says " u dont understand THIS IS A MEDICAL MATTER IT IS impt, she can DIE without a puffer. " ... so ok if it could take her life, shouldnt she be more concerned about it than you isn't she is old enough to realize how impt health is? An example of how my mom must do everything and anything relating to health,education and safety for my my sister, which causes her to never worry because she knows mommy's got her back.

 

Thats how it goes for everything, Izzy doesn't worry about a damn thing, whatever she wants or needs, she gets from mother's expense. My mom calls this love, my mom thinks by working so hard & providing us with the best that we will feel the love and reciprocate. I do because I see how hard my mom works and I want her to live better so anything she ask I gladly do. I run errands for her, drive grandma and izzy around, I pick up groceries, I pay for household things, I fix and worry about household matters, etc. Izzy on the other hand only does things she enjoys doing, she likes to cook, so ONCE IN AWHILE she will cook a good dinner for my mom. And my mom says " see how much she has improved she cooked me dinner:D" .. but when it comes to cleaning or things she doesn't like, its half assed and incomplete most of the time.

 

I don't mind stupid people that much, as long as they recognize their stupidity and don't go about life as if they were all knowing and everyone else are the stupid ones. Izzy is one of those STUPID people who also thinks they are NEVER wrong. The dishes aren't done, your laundry isn't done, and she didn't complete your homework, I go to tell her to finish these tasks asap as she is already late, and she tells me " I will do it later when i feel like it" ... Dude it was due yesterday, you sat here doing nothing all day and all night and thats what u are doing now so do it. Nope, apparently she still isn't wrong despite me and my mom telling her the laundry/dishes must be done at a certain day. Her word is never credible, if she says she is going to do something, and doesn't do it; she cannot be yelled at or else she will retaliate with attitude and curse words b/c she apparently has all rights to do so. She is one of those people (just like my dad) that need mean bitchy people to FORCE her to do things, nice people like my mom, don't have an effect on her. You know those people that think they are all tough and walk around running their mouth, and till they come across someone who actually kicks their ass, they won't shut up. My sister is one of those people in diff contexts, its about who is MEANER who is TOUGHER and who will SCARE U into moving ur ass, its not about logic and reasoning and personal responsibility anymore. My mom and sister share laundry bins, so when the laundry is full my mom tells my sister to go wash it b/c she is too tired, after the laundry is clean my sister will let it sit, I've seen it happen for weeks upon weeks, she just won't take 15 mins to put the laundry away. My mom for the longest period was running around in the morn looking for clean socks to wear b/c izzy wouldn't put them away. she started taking my songs as she never had socks in her drawers. How selfish can a person be, to not even provide their mother w/ a clean pair of socks after they support the whole household including you? All because she was too lazy to even do the laundry and she shoves it in her closet or throws it around somewhere. But not to worry, apparently izzy cooks dinner once in a blue moon and that is such a great accomplishment that she needs to be recognized and congratulated, so who cares about the socks, school, work, goals and plans when izzy COOKS! (only because she LIKES cooking) There is so much more to include but it would take forever, I'm sure you get the jist of how f*cking lazy and selfish izzy is and how blind my mom is to all of this. Isn't it funny how loving someone can hinder your perception so much, it blinds you, tricks you, and plays you. But I think the biggest thing is that my mom continuously has hope for izzy, after cooking a meal, max an hour of standing there cutting, frying, grilling whatever, it shows she is capable of doing something so my mom gets all excited thinking what a change of a person! So what? get your f*cking life on track and do your own school and find your own money and worry about your own health, help out with the house and so forth, so my poor mother doesn't have to do it for you lazy ass!!!

 

Do you think loving someone so much can make people blind to reality?

 

Do you think my mom enabling izzy and doing everything FOR her, is what love is about? or is it actually destroying her and any chance of her becoming a more responsible and credible person?

 

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime "

[Sophiegirl]

It is never good when you begin by defining the people in the situation. You are doing some very black-and-white thinking here with people being all good or all bad. I'm afraid after your definitions of your mom, dad and sister I could not continue. It feels really terrible to be judged the way you are judging.

[readyfire]

eelloo, i feel your frustration. I too have a sister who behaves nearly identical. The only difference is that she is 24, yet behaves more like a 16yo. I even found her current job for her. And still she remains ungrateful. People like this need to know what it's like for others to make a true effort in the family. These things all start at home. Sounds like you do a lot, and so does your mom, and your sis still doesnt get it?? I have always tried to get my sister to participate in household chores, especially since my parents are divorced. She will give you a very nasty attitude when asking her to do something that she should be doing in the first place! At least your sis at such a young age has the decency to cook once in a while. Usually i will cook for everyone when my mom is on holidays or out, being the oldest. But when i am busy and not at home and she gets hungry, she will buy herself food without thinking about the rest of us. She will never do anything without being told, and her room is literally like a pig sty with clothes spread out all over her bed that is over 2 weeks left unwashed. These also include underwear. She will not do any cleaning apart from taking a shower every day, and i wonder how one couls ever sleep amongst absolute filth. She tells me that mom and dad should have divorced a long time ago, and that even after doing so much for her and spending so much money on her, she has never ever gotten me a bday or xmas present in her life. I continue to do what i believe is right because otherwise i would be as bad as her. But it will soon stop because she has been working full time for several years now and i dont believe our relationship will ever change since she is already and adult and still behaving like this. Which ever man will end up with her in my view will be a true dumbass who cant say no and cant find someone better. Believe me if youve heard the things shes said about my mom and the family you would understand why i use such harsh language.

 

Its so bad that my mom wont even tell her to do chores because shes afraid to get into an argument with her thanks to her ****ty retaliatory, insulting, an disrespectful attitude. this sophiegirl obviously doesnt understand the kind of species i am dealing with here. To be honest i have put in so much effort that there is nothing else i want to do. She also sits onthe computer. Its my old computer from 2003 because she is so lazy she cant be stuffed doing the research to buy a new one on her own. She is selfish to the core, and lazier than anyone i know. To be honest i have never met a single person like her in my life.

 

Your sister is still young, and i am confident that when she gets older she will realize.

 

I do belive that loving someone so much can make people blind to reality. But only people who are this selfish and this lazy and this heartless as my sister. Family members deserve the most love that anyone can give. But when theyre this bad, i just have no choice but to give up. Why get all upset about someone who will eventually have to make it on their own one day, and since they never learned the right skills from their family, they will have to learn the hard way. Believe if they lack the qualities that you and I have as family members, they will do far worse in life. And it is going to be a hard lesson for them to learn on your own. Remain righteous and loyal to what makes you special and you will be happy. Thats what i keep telling myself, but its true.

 

I think that your mom, like mine, should really try to take her under her wing and show her what life is all about, starting at home. She should learn about appreciation but getting dirty with house chores, to realize that 'hey you know what? what everyone does is not easy' i know that my mom is destroying my sisters chances of learning responsibility, every single time she allows her to slip away from her actual duties as a daughter and a member of the family. My sister doesnt care about anything, and will only ever think about herself.

 

And to sophiegirl, you should realize that the judgmental one is the person who is the subjet in my comments. Are you that kind of person too??

 

eelloo i wish you all the best in your own life and with your family. Dont forget that for most of us, love is what we give and also what we get in return, and its the greatest gift anyone could have. Sm:)e

[Lucky_One]

OP, since the family dynamic bothers you so much, I think it might be a good idea if you move out on your own. Let them work it out themselves, without your anger and disapproval, and you will probably feel much better, too.

[lifechanyuan]

Family is the prison of soul, the fetters on man’s body, the root cause of man’s parochialism, selfishness and greed, the hedge that restrains the freedom and emancipation of human nature, the greatest obstacle to realizing a beautiful life:(

[Lucky_One]

Wow, that's one negative interpretation of family!!

[Eve]

OP, much of our identity is formed in the teen years and our families are the closest witness of our changes - hence the bitterness that can be held between siblings etc. It sounds to me like you have not managed to get beyond those years. Most of the dynamics contained within later mental illness, depression and anxiety etc is created within the teen years. So saying it would be advisable for you to find a way to qualify a more adult view of the situation as it stands now and gain a different way of assessing the situation.

 

I am not saying that your observations are not correct. Imagine you have been given goggles. Currently you have a very old pair. Get some new ones and you may be inspired to look at the situation differently and thus respond differently.

 

How you deal with and feel about your family is a choice.

 

Good luck with things.

 

Take care,

Eve x