Mandy Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 Ok, I'm not sure if my boyfriend is cheating on me. Lately we have been fighting a lot about things. There have been times where we are supposed to meet at one time, but he'll call me 30 minutes later and say that he made other plans, or he'll say he'll be over at one time, and comes 30 minutes to an hour later. He's always out at the Hookah bars or out drinking with his friends. It seems as if he puts that first before me, is this just him being a normal 20 year old? Or is he cheating on me? This one girl whom he says he has no interest in calls him all the time, and they've hung out quite a bit too, is there something there? He's told me that he doesn't like her but it really bothers me that she keeps calling him. I also feel like I'm always going to his house, we live but like 4 minutes away from one another but its always me driving, and when I ask him to come over he says...no...but you can come over here. Should I find it to be a problem that I'm always going over there? It's like he never comes over anymore and if he does, he will later the day that he said he wouldn't and I think it's out of guilt. He and I are fine intimately, there is nothing missing there, but I'm still concerned with how he changes his plans or shows up later. He spends quite a bit of time with his friends too rather than me. whats up with that? Someone please help me. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 Sounds more like he's getting tired/bored of the relationship. I've seen people(my bf included)act like that when they are considering breaking up. I hope this is not the case. But you could try to ask him directly what is going on. How long have you been together, and has he been acting like this only lately? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mandy Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 Well recently I found out that I got a job offer somewhere where I will be gone for 8 months. He and I have been together for 6. I think that a lot of this has to do with it. I don't think he's tired of the relationship. He says he s till wants it, but I'm thinking that there is a correlatoin between the way he's acting and the fact that I will be gone for 8 months. He and I decided to take a break when I leave but I told him now would be a good idea since we are fighting so much, but I'm still not sure if he was cheating or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 I don't think he was cheating. They don't look like the signs of a cheater. My guess is that he was very hurt with your leaving for eight months. I'd say he is trying to be distant and acts not nice because he is resenting that you are going to leave. But I know neither of you so my guess might be wrong. Did you ask for his opinion about leaving for 8 months? Or did you just inform him that you got this job offer and that you were going to leave? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mandy Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 Hi, I've known abut this for a few months and I won't be leaving for 1 1/2, I asked him what he wanted to do, and at first he said I want to wait for you. so we were going to do that, then we broke up cuz we kept fighting, go back together again and decided we were going to take a break after I left. Not neccessarliy meaning, going to look for anyone else but we could date. Then he tells me after we break up again he thought I would be the one to marry if we were still together when I got back...what does that mean? Was he just saying that? I think he might be resenting the fact that I am going away, but I'm going to come back because I love him. How do I let him know that? Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernRomeo Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 Guys are very tough to gauge here sometimes. I agree, it sounds like he is very hurt and as a defense he's putting up a barrier. It feels like he has the instant puppy love in a budding relationship. And with this news, he might feel hurt and somehow betrayed. Again I'm not this gentleman but I have been there before. The best thing to do is take some time and really talk it out. If the relationship is strong, it will last the 8 months. Not to sound pescimistic. but having already broke up and got together, there seems to be a rocky foundation. My advice at this time is as I said, sit him down and talk with him. Advise him that you feel like he is distancing himself and out of concern for your relationship you would like to know how he feels. Get his side of the story before working yourself into a frenzy. If he doesn't feel like talking you can't force him to talk. The ball is in his court at that time. My best guess is he's hurt. I do not feel that he is cheating to put you at ease there. The hanging out with friends and coming over later is his way of coping and pushing himself away. When he asks you to come over rather than him visiting you, that is another coping mechanism. By having you come over rather than him make the effort to do it, in his psyche he believes that you are the chaser, and it helps him to further distance himself. All the signs you have given point to a hurt individual dealing with the prospect of you being gone. Communication is key here at this time. I wish you luck and hope things turn out right and congratz on your job btw. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mandy Posted May 13, 2004 Author Share Posted May 13, 2004 Thankyou so much southern romeo, everything you said makes sense. I think that is what he is trying to to, push himself away from me. Now that I think about it, I totally get it. I think part of why he might be upset is, because I got a job on the Disney Cruise ship as a character and I think he's afraid I might possibly meet someone. Wow, never thought of it that way, thankyou so much. Link to post Share on other sites
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