Broli2001122 Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 I am going to be honest with you. Perhaps I am too young, blind but I can personally say that the last thing I think of is sex. Just the satifaction of knowing some one likes me makes me smile which may be why I hate my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Broli2001122 Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 men are like parking spaces...the good ones are either taken or handicapped. That's good I like that but as Menseur Durdan said Could say the same thing about woman though!!! I'm yet to meet a nice one!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Minnesota Nice Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 I'm a certified nice guy, and I can't get a date with a butterfly net! Women only seem to like jerks. Read this actual ad I placed in a newspaper on Valentine's Day. I know my intended recipient saw it, but she never even acknowledged it: You are as brilliant as you are beautiful! The harshness of winter yields to your warm smile, and the hard edge of life is calmed by the softness of your gentle tresses. Do you have room in your life for a new friend? Have a heart and let’s have fun together! Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 Maybe something like this might do the trick: "Nice guy who is tired of the jerks always getting the girl, seeks nice girl who is also tired of the jerks always getting the girl." Link to post Share on other sites
BlueLP Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 What's wrong with being a nice guy at heart who knows how to play the game? Easier said than done, but I think women like it when they can have it both ways. I think the whole nice guy/jerk thing is a false dichotomy. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 For once I want a guy to be completely in love with my every move, every word and to want to understand me and kiss me and just be with me all the time. I don't think that's too much to ask.... Is that all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreaming4ever Posted May 13, 2004 Author Share Posted May 13, 2004 lol...ya ok moimeme, maybe I'm asking for too much there. I just want someone who loves me for me, not for certain parts of me...someone who can see me in their future and loves me because I'm my own person. Someone who I have stuff in common with and who wants to enjoy life with me. That's all...now THAT is not too much to ask!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreaming4ever Posted May 13, 2004 Author Share Posted May 13, 2004 I realize that not all women are nice either, believe me. I didn't mean to imply that we are all perfect or anything if that's what some of you thought. I was just stating my frustration with trying to find a guy that's NOT a jerk. A lot of guys my age in this area are only interested in sex, drinking and drugs and I think that's disgusting. There's so much more to life!! I'm a creative person, a writer, so I like to look at the world in fresh new ways and just have fun making people laugh or being silly or doing whatever. I don't like drugs or drinking and even though most people my age think that's ridiculous it's certainly NOT something I'm going to feel ashamed of. I just want to find a guy with similar interests! I thought of something else too....someone made the comment that I should be looking for the type of guy that's a "thinker" or shy cuz those are usually the nice guys. Well....I don't know if I believe that....my ex is a BIG TIME thinker and comes up with some very insightful ideas about the world yet he turned out to be a jerk. And I didn't even see it coming....so, I don't know....but then again my ex could be the exception to the rule. As there always seems to be one.... Despite everything, I'm starting to think there ARE nice guys out there....I just have to enjoy my summer, keep my eyes open and hope to bump into one! Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 It appears that my once S/O is now available. Best wishes... sometimes you have to kiss a lot of toads before the prince shows, but when he does he makes it all worth while. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted May 13, 2004 Moderators Share Posted May 13, 2004 Faux said the following... ...learning what a decent guy is and going for a decent guy rather than an a-hole... that is what is difficult to do! Some women just are not happy long enough with a decent guy, and miss the a-holes because they have an "edge" or some other curious things I have heard mentioned. Afterwards, Papillon weighed in with the idea that... There are plenty of wonderful men out there. The problem is that their natural habitat is not where you normally find men. They tend to be a shy species. [color=blue]I also suspect that this is quite true for men as well as women. IMHO, the problem lies in how our own age often affects our perceptions of what is most important "at the time" for us. In general, I think that younger men and women (and even older ones too) get drawn to s/he who "looks good" before consideration is given to those who may in fact be good. If you are a male or female that could be considered a "hottie," all you will have to do is hang around bars and you will have any number of women/men flock to you, based on your appearance alone. Too often, seemingly intelligent men and women get so caught up in this "Darwinian dance" that we put on blinders to that particular person's quality of character. As Papillon suggested, nice guys (and gals) are often not the ones commanding the attention at any function. They are sometimes, in my opinion, more self-aware of their own good and bad points as people. They may be too reserved to participate in the "usual mating game," and do not need to kick up a big "to do" in any social situation in order to feel validated as a male/female. Sadly, they can (and oftentimes do) relegate themselves to darker corners in the bar ... off by themselves or a few friends, uninterested or unimpressed by the "physical affection-based mating game" proceeding unabated around them. They get dubbed the "wall flowers." Shyness may also be a factor, but I'm not entirely sure that ALL shyness manifests itself in the same way ... I prefer to use the term "reserved." This being said, however, we cannot assume that ALL those who are perceived as "hotties," are also over-sexed a-holes. This would be a gross generalization. There are fine lookin' people out there, who are great, intelligent, honest individuals as well. We all need to be willing to venture closer to those sometimes self-enforced walls. One never knows what true "diamonds" might exist there in the shadows, waiting for someone to shine light on them so they can sparkle too.[/color] BlockHead thinks... The warning signs should be clear. If he hangs out with jerks, he probably is one. If he lies to other people, he would probably lie to you. If he doesn’t respect other people, he probably won’t respect you. If it is too good to be true, it probably is. A nice guy doesn’t have to convince you that he is a "nice guy." [color=blue]I agree with this to a point, but even some of the nice people get duped into the idea that being around the populars mean they might get "popular" too. Sometimes we try to get what we need and want, by becoming someone we aren't in true form. We're all human. Nonetheless, I wonder if these "duped" individuals might be the exception instead of the rule. Great thing is that the type of game that those few true nice guys (and girls) play to get some attention, can be (and often will be) quickly dropped after (and if) that person achieves the attention s/he also needs as a lovable person. For truly nice people "the game can be a strain," and is shed quickly.[/color] Now, Heoga says... Look for the thinkers, if a guy thinks and dreams a lot, chances are he'll be looking for a girl who does the same and will fall for that kind of mind. That's the best clue I can think to give you that is the hardest for a guy to fake... [color=blue]Although there are likely those "thinkers" and "dreamers" who are just after what they can get FROM you, IMHO these people will also be the exception, not the rule. "Dreamers," generally carefully consider things, and seldom treat others poorly. They care for their world, and listen to those in it. However, they can sometimes be, by that very nature of mind, unfairly considered "players" themselves. When one faces many guys/girls that are "playas," who say all the right things initially for the wrong reasons, the honest dreamers and lovers can often appear at first to be players as well. BUT, that's where listening and looking deeper into that person's words and actions can be an "acid test" to determine his/her true nature. It is very difficult for the genuine fakers to fake being genuine on an ongoing basis. That will also fall to the side. For what they're worth, those are my thoughts.[/color] Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 originaly posted by Sportsloving[ b]It appears that my once S/O is now available.[/b] Good post, BTW, Curt! Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted May 13, 2004 Moderators Share Posted May 13, 2004 Thanks Merry! I know some of what I said is a bit "generalized," and doesn't even touch the surface of issue of perceived "Confidence of the Players," but I think that's been addressed previously too. Anyways, there 'tis! Curt Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHeavens Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 Originally posted by sportsloving It appears that my once S/O is now available. Sportsloving...do you need a cyber hug? Is something amiss? Link to post Share on other sites
Heoga Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 I think you hit it on the head there Kurt. And I'm sorry my clue fell flat for you dreaming, though like I said it's a clue. I don't think you can reasonable make a 'rule' that will always work as people simply vary too much. I wish you all the best thought, and good luck in your journies through love & life. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Originally posted by BlueHeavens Originally posted by sportsloving It appears that my once S/O is now available. Sportsloving...do you need a cyber hug? Is something amiss? We broke up yesterday... why they call it broke up other than broken hearted I have no idea... but I wish him the very best and hope he has a very healthy and happy life. I want to do what I keep telling everyone else NOT to do, such as call, visit, send emails, IM, something... but I know in my heart that all I could have said has been said. Just a sad thing. Thanks, BlueHeavens, I appreciate your concern. And Moimeme, ya know I love your shoulders... you are terrific. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHeavens Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Geez. It can be tough sometimes but I know when I was in the worst of it myself I looked at it as a huge accomplishment when I succeded in giving him that darned space he said he wanted so much. I sincerely hope you are doing ok. You do look out for a lot of people on this board...I hope we can all do that for you. Think about that Keith Urban song...You'll Think of Me....or...a local guy here, Joseph Messing has a good one..."I'm All Right"...that I have been blaring in the car...Jo Dee Messina's "Bye Bye Love" and "Bring on the Rain" are good... Ultimately though I am glad that you feel like you said everything you had to say. That knowledge alone may give you peace. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Originally posted by BlueHeavens Geez. It can be tough sometimes but I know when I was in the worst of it myself I looked at it as a huge accomplishment when I succeded in giving him that darned space he said he wanted so much. I sincerely hope you are doing ok. You do look out for a lot of people on this board...I hope we can all do that for you. Think about that Keith Urban song...You'll Think of Me....or...a local guy here, Joseph Messing has a good one..."I'm All Right"...that I have been blaring in the car...Jo Dee Messina's "Bye Bye Love" and "Bring on the Rain" are good... Ultimately though I am glad that you feel like you said everything you had to say. That knowledge alone may give you peace. Thank you, very much. I have a sad song cd, lol, I think it is getting worn out. I think the hardest part is that he was also my best friend and that alone is a tough reality ... when you want to share something and you realize you just can't. But I am thankful for all he has shown me, all he has taught me, and above all, I am glad that I loved. And who knows, perhaps someday I can find it again. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHeavens Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 It's really tough to loose a friend at the same time as a romantic relationship. Honestly it's been the friendship I've missed the most when that has happened to me. It's tough. Hang in there... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 And Moimeme, ya know I love your shoulders... you are terrific. Thanks! You ain't so bad, yourself ((((((((HUGS)))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 I think the whole approach in this thread to this point has been off (except Curt, which I will address.) She wants to know if there are any nice guys out there. Of course there are. But the question is, what does she consider a nice guy? She mentioned the guy who will (paraphrasing) love and worship her…blah, blah, blah. That tells me nothing. She’s not looking for a “nice” guy, but a guy who cares about her. There is a huge difference there, IMO. That isn’t the “only” thing she is looking for, is it? I’m sure there is a guy who is flipping burgers at McDonald’s who might be willing to love her unconditionally while she supports him. I’m sure she wants a guy who wants to live in X location, have X number of kids, will make X number of dollars per year…etc… There’s more to finding the one we will spend our lives with than “niceness.” In my view, every guy has capable of niceness—it just depends on how much they like you. I’ve dated some guys who everyone else in my life thought were a**h***s—but they treated me great. I’ve also dated guys who everyone else thought were so nice—but they didn’t treat me so great. It comes down to your situation and interaction with the person, and how much they care about you. I don’t agree that the “nice” guys are always hiding out in corners in bars. A lot of those guys are the ones who “think” they are “nice” but instead they are so insecure and underconfident that they carry enough baggage to fill an Amtrak and can’t even carry on a real relationship because of that. There are, of course, exceptions, the shy guys out there who won’t approach a girl. But shy =/= nice. You never know who is “nice” unless you get to know them. I know plenty of men who are outgoing and fun guys, who are the center of attention at bars, but who are very, very nice guys. I do agree with Curt that some people focus on looks first. Is that a bad thing? Does that make someone “not a nice guy”? I don’t think so. Looks are part of the chemistry and attraction that is necessary in a relationship. While I believe that women can “learn” to become attracted to a man they really like, for men I think it is more “either they are or they aren’t attracted.” (I’m not a man, so I’m just giving my opinion here.) But part of being “good” for someone is having that attraction for them, so I don’t think it’s a bad thing that people might notice that first. After all, what else do you have to go on? Nothing. But even if you aren’t the best looking person in the world, if you are dressed nice and carry yourself well and are having fun, you may be surprised at the person you may attract. It’s mostly about attitude, IMO. As Papillon suggested, nice guys (and gals) are often not the ones commanding the attention at any function. They are sometimes, in my opinion, more self-aware of their own good and bad points as people. I somewhat, kind of agree with this. But I think we are wrongly equating extrovertism with being not nice. That is not an accurate statement. If you are referring to a bar situation, it is the people who find the bar scene a bit lame and cheesy who have this attitude. They have fun while they are there, but the night isn’t going to make or break their self esteem. They enjoy watching the ho’s hook up with the joe’s and make fools of themselves on the dance floor. They’d rather hang back. But see, I’m this type of person, and men still come up to me. And I see guys like this, hanging back, and girls still approach them. Again, a lot of this is attitude. If you come across as self confident and not insecure, they flock to you no matter what. The warning signs should be clear. If he hangs out with jerks, he probably is one. I totally disagree. Every group of friends has some jerks. I have more to say on this, but I need to think more about it… Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 I think categorizing guys into nice guys and jerks misses the point. I'm sure you can come up with better adjectives for a desirable guy. How about: - strong - funny - good listener - clean - caring - loving - patient - courageous - fair - able to compromise - competent - respectful (and respected) - faithful and loyal I'm sure that's roughly what you meant when you said "nice". A lot of "nice" guys are losers because they are missing some of those traits. A lot of "jerks" get women because they have a lot of those traits. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted May 14, 2004 Moderators Share Posted May 14, 2004 OK Johan, you said... A lot of "nice" guys are losers because they are missing [color=blue]some[/color] of those traits. A lot of "jerks" get women because they have [color=blue]a lot of[/color] those traits. [color=blue]OK...not trying to be tedious here but... If we follow the logic above, we are still saying that jerks will get women before nice guys, even if the jerks and nice guys both have some traits mentioned above missing. How's that for boiling it down?[/color] Curt Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 I had a feeling I was going to regret that post. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbilly Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 I'm a nice guy, and i have a girlfriend men would die to be with. She is stunning in every way!!! This nice guy thing is a falacy. Most women get jerks because they look for jerks. The shy guys are the guys to look for. My gf wasn't looking for me when i found her, generally i'm shy, but i'm tired of finishing last so i took it into my own hands. For those guys out there who are tired of finishing dead last all the time: it dosen't pay to be shy! Women, if you want a good man, look for genuine men. Go to a church, park, look for men that ar helping out at the homeless shelter, or other places good men go, instead of the bar, or some hot night club, all you get there are players who want only one thing. If you really want to find a good man, LOWER YOUR STANDARDS!!! It's too hard to compete with someones imagination, nobodys perfect. Just my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 I guess I've been fortunate--my ex boyfriend was a pretty nice guy and my current bf is one of the kindest people I've ever met. I don't think there is an instant radar that lets you pick up on nice guys. You often have to talk with them for awhile and see how they interact with others. Are they polite to strangers, or are they rude to or make fun of people they don't know? Are they happy when they discuss their family and general life? Do they seem to have patience with everyday things? Are they content to focus on you at times, or do they always have to be the center or attention? Looks don't determine a person's character, but I would agree that a number of people can be blindsided by their immediate attraction to a person's physical appearance, and excuse behaviors they would notice in a more average looking individual. I agree with Sweetbilly about getting out to different places to meet people (libraries, churches, charities, concerts, parks) as well as not expecting perfection to come walking towards you and fufill all your expectations. Taking the initiative and asking out someone you find interesting may be better than waiting for some guy to come up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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