annoying the heck out of me..should i say something or not??

[bikinibeach]

,y boyfriend of almost 2 months was very excited to bring me to his private gym to share in group workouts and meet all of his friends....who happen to be fit, stylish and beautiful women. the makeup of this gym is seriously 90 percent women. maybe even 95.

 

i felt kind of annoyed by this but they have been somewhat welcoming towards me and he is not engaging in any flirting, inappropriate behavior, texting, meeting up outside gym with them NOTHING like that.

 

it just drives me up the wall that he feels the need to run up and hug them hello and goodbye like it's the last time he'll see them again. which is not true of course, as he will see their asses next freaking week or sooner.

 

i gave up trying to meet all of his "friends" that has to run over and talk to because it got to the point where it was just annoying. so now there are women he leaves me to run over and hug goodbye who i have no idea who they are.

 

it annoys and embarasses me for people to see my boyfriend doing that, acting like an attached schoolgirl or the pathetic friendzone guy who will cling onto any scrap of attention he can get from any girl he is "friends" with.

 

i am not threatened in any way that i am aware of, just annoyed and wish he would just cool it and say "hey! good chatting, see you next week!" like a normal person.

 

i do like this particular gym however, but i am on the fence about whether i should gently let him know how i feel (i'm sure he'd apologize and consider tweaking his behavior) or should i just play it cool and tell him i'd rather join my own gym??

 

i don't really care if he is acting this way, i trust him and most of these girls have boyfriend, i would just rather not see it.

 

what should i do???

[Kinder-Horror]

It sounds like he really likes the gym and the people in it. If you believe you are truly comfortable with him being there and do not feel threatened, but simply do not want to be there for that kind of kid-like behavior, then I would just explain that you would rather join your own gym.

 

It's if you feel threatened or start questioning whether you trust him because of it that you need to reevaluate.

[bikinibeach]

kinderhorror: great advice, thank you

 

it's just now, the more i think of it, the more annoyed i am becoming. you described this behaviour of his as childish.. is it innappropriate? he made these friends when he was single- for the past six months, this has been the norm. he has only been in one other relationship in his life, i am sure he just doesn't know that his is being slightly inappropriate... or is he?

 

i am now leaning more towards choosing my own gym AND letting him know why.

 

i am POSITIVE that if i brought him to my new gym filled with hot body builders that i flung myself myself at like they were liferafts on a sinking ship that he would be pissed off to no end...

 

???????????

[carhill]

OP, how is he with your female friends? The wives of his male friends?

[bikinibeach]

he is like this will all women. including being comfortable talking with them about their time of the month etc..

he is like this with his sister, his mom, his cousin...but he should know where to draw the line, no?

 

he also gives this amount of attention to male friends, without the hugging but sometimes with.

 

this is just how he is. but i wish he would scale back at the gym out of respect for me. it bothers me he hasn't even considered how he would feel if it were me doing this!

 

truthfully, it makes me feel less special and like he gets something out of this that he should only be getting from me. also, i feel like i'm losing face to these girls..wouldn't you feel that way if your girl was running up and hugging bodybuilder friends 24/7 in public???

 

rgh

[bikinibeach]

oh my gosh...am i a miserable person????? :'(

 

my boyfriend is a really special guy.

[carhill]

TBH, my exW and I were/are 'huggers' so I really didn't give it a second thought.

 

How old is he and what is his relationship and family history relative to this issue? As an example, when I was younger, I had male friends who were Italian and their mothers and sisters were forever hugging the stuffing out of me and always were friendly. The men were as well. It was their way. If this is his 'way', and he is otherwise healthy and has positive family and relationship history, then it will likely remain his way for the rest of his life. Up to you as to how you react to that.

 

It's quite possible he'd have no issues with you behaving similarly. Talk with him about that. Nothing like some honest communication to clarify things

 

ETA, being friendly and loving to others in no way approaches the intimacy and bonding of one's primary relationship. Having been married, I know how that works. It's no comparison whatsoever. Totally different realm of intimacy IMO.

Edited September 22, 2011 by carhill

[country_gurl]

Yikes, he sounds quite feminine. Are you sure he's not gay/bi?

[Kinder-Horror]

I only said childlike because you mentioned it that way. The way you describe it, it would bother me - but that doesn't mean it has to bother you. If you TRULY aren't bothered by the behavior, join a different gym. But it sounds like you are bothered by it and are trying to talk yourself out of believing it bothers you.

 

Does it bother you when he does it with other women too, or just at the gym?

 

I think its time to have a calm discussion with him about it.

[Professor X]

Is is the super rich guy?

[BeyondtheClouds]

oh my gosh...am i a miserable person????? :'(

 

my boyfriend is a really special guy.

 

No you are not a miserable person.

 

I would say that your bf is lacking a certain judgement of proportionality with people and situations.

 

This could be a problem over the long term as you will have to deal with people that your bf wants to bring into both of your lives.

 

Personally, someone who behaves as if everyone they encounter is equal to everyone else in terms of time, attention and resources, I would consider them a bad choice for an SO.

 

Imagine spending your valuable free time with people who think very little of the both of you because your boyfriend is unable to make the distinction.