She wants to kill herself because of me???

[flickster42490]

Hi Guys, I haven't written anything on this forum for a really long time, but it's been really nice reading about everyone's stories and troubles once in a while...and I really need you guys' help right now.

 

Anyways, I'm currently in a transatlantic long distance relationship and I am just crazy about this girl. I met her over summer vacation in Greece during a summer program and she started falling head over heels for me. Then, after the program, she invited me to visit her in her home country for a week, and that's when I really fell head over heels for her. But, I had to go back to start University again after that and it's been really hard without her so far...

 

She's the type of girl who has been through the worst kinds of messed up crap you can imagine from a very young age...I don't think people go through half the stuff she's gone through in their entire lives...but picked herself up and got herself back on track to go to a very prestigious medical school. This was what made me want to be close to her in the first place...to help heal her. She became very trusting of me and I think that's made her fall in love with me in the first place. So, to make the long story short, she told me that she wants to come to the US to be with me (give up her dream school, friends, and current life *though not so much of a family*) even though she hates the country. So based on that, I felt that there was a future with her, so I let myself fall in love with her.

 

The problem is that she doesn't like to communicate very much. I know this is a big problem for any relationship, much less a long distance one. She says that whenever I talk to her, I make her feel confused and subsequently, depressed. Apparently, I remind her that she's going to have to leave everything she knows to go to a country that she hates, and since I like to know how she's doing, I ask her about herself--she says thinking about herself makes her want to kill herself. Yes, she's been depressed before (albeit for valid reasons), and I know she still probably is when she's not keeping herself busy, but I don't think I'm doing her any favors am I?

 

My question to you guys (Finally!) is should I stay with her? I don't know if I'm doing her mental health and heart any good by being so far away from her. Though I'm going to spend a semester study abroad in her country in January, and she says she's really happy when I'm there with her, is it worth it for me and her to go through all this pain? I can't seem to have a conversation without thinking she's getting more and more depressed the longer I talk with her. All I want to do is communicate, but I seem to be killing her and making her cry herself to sleep...Do you guys think she feels guilty for making the promise to come to US to be with me?

 

Help!?

[FitChick]

Has she ever been to the US? If not, how can she hate it? Too bad she can't get into medical school here. She sounds too afraid of change.

 

You sure as hell don't want to move to Greece. That country is on the verge of collapse. I thought it was funny that while she is in medical school you are the one who wants to heal her. You seem to have a White Knight complex. You only feel deserving of love when you save someone. There are plenty of damsels in distress in the US but I recommend instead that you cure yourself of this complex because you don't get anything in return from the woman. You want someone to love you for yourself not for what you can do for them. Damaged women like that always leave once they are "fixed" because you will have served your purpose.

[Paper Roses]

I feel for you, but this doesn't sound like it's a very healthy relationship for you to be in. You're going to be upset when she's upset and it sounds like she is the type to be upset quite alot.

 

You need to consider breaking away from this girl. I know how awesome it is when it's good, but when it's bad it will eat you alive. It doesn't sound to me as though she wants to come to the US and do you really want to be in Greece?

 

From my personal experience, don't try to be 'friends', it will never work.

 

I wish you luck.

[creighton0123]

You are not there. Do you have any way of contacting any of her close friends or family and letting them know that she is having suicidal thoughts?

 

I broke up with an ex once and thought that he would have such a negative reaction that he could hurt himself. I called his sister to make sure that she was there for him. In a way, it was my wiping my hands of him.

 

You are in a romantic relationship with her. You are dating, albeit at a distance. You are not her caretaker. It is expected that you will make sure someone who can help her in person is aware of her depression.

 

Don't let her use you as an outlet to crutch her depression. She needs to really work on it herself, with the guidance of trained therapists. Until she can fix herself and stand on her own, there is no chance in hell that the two of you can have a mature, romantic relationship.