Bruised Not Broken Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 So, I had a crappy day. It was hard, and full of anxiety. I worked INcredibly hard to maintain my NC. And I got a fantastic job offer. Day went from Crappy...to Happy. I had 103 hours of NC (yes HOURS not DAYS)...but I wanted to badly to let him know about my new job. I'm not sure why...not sure what result i wanted. Him to be proud of me....upset things were starting to look up for me....I just don't know. I did, however, state that I wasn't looking to restart communications, to please not respond. I just wanted to let him know that I wouldn't be at XYZ any longer. Transparent...Yeah, I think it is. Pathetic....even more so. So...no response...and yes, that's what I asked for. But I guess deep down I wanted at "that's awesome....etc" I swear sometimes I feel like the 3 Faces of Eve. UGH. Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 You sound like how I felt when I broke NC a week ago... after 7 or 8 months of total NC. I felt fine at first. Then a day or two later, felt like a total pathetic idiot. Why?! I was doing so well! I was feeling stronger, better... and then I had a 'moment'. The e-mail wasn't sappy, just one saying I hoped he was alright, and seeing what was going on with him. A bit useless, really. Truth is, I realized later I didn't want to know what he was up to. Maybe I really don't care anymore, but psyched myself out to think I did? Maybe I just don't want to be disappointed by his reply? Probably a little of both. If he ever does reply, who knows. I'm doing my best to forget my slip up and keep going. I've gotten over the anger by now. I look back and cringe now, but I made a mistake, one much smaller than what I've achieved this far. You're still early in NC, darling. We're all still learning at that point. Pick yourself up again, dust yourself off, and start again. You told him not to respond too, so you're already two steps ahead. Lucky. Wish I did that in my e-mail. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bruised Not Broken Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 (edited) So he didnt' listen to my "please don't reply" and while I'm glad he didn't...I wish he had. He congratulated me on the new job...asked stuff about it. Said he was worried about me and then proceeded to tell me how sick he was all week. So I gave him the brief on the job. And said I wasn't going to give him my "motherly lectures" on taking care of his health but he needed to rest blah blah blah. He replies...That is all so great! I'm so happy for you. I really miss your motherly advice, it was one of the things that attracted me to you....I really do miss it......" Then told me he was listing his house today. So my reply was "good luck with the listing" I was NOT going to address the miss it comment. It was "miss it" not "miss you" HUGE DIFFERENCE. So, I can't. I am glad that he admitted it...but I'm not going down that road. I can't. I can't I can't. He obviously didn't love it or me enough to stick around. But at least he sees what he is missing. So I guess that kinda makes me a little glad Edited September 23, 2011 by Bruised Not Broken Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 It sucks because you always turned to them first for big news. Now you can't , I did the same , emailing him about news or pouring my heart out and asking him not to reply , when he did I felt sad and when he didn't I felt sad too . He also said he was worried about me . Hate that . I hope you will be better soon xx Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I was NOT going to address the miss it comment. It was "miss it" not "miss you" HUGE DIFFERENCE. So, I can't. I am glad that he admitted it...but I'm not going down that road. I can't. I can't I can't. He obviously didn't love it or me enough to stick around. But at least he sees what he is missing. So I guess that kinda makes me a little glad Good job! Most dumpees wouldn't really realize that at first, and latch onto any 'missing' comments they get, period. Hell, you're stronger than me. Waaay back, I felt like I would get weak knees every time 'he' said that he "missed me so much". Argh. But it doesn't matter now. Things have changed. See, you're already doing great, B'N'B. Are you going to try and stick to NC now? Because I think, even if him replying went semi-well this time, it's probably best not to relive the same thing over again or it might set back your healing... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bruised Not Broken Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 Are you going to try and stick to NC now? Because I think, even if him replying went semi-well this time, it's probably best not to relive the same thing over again or it might set back your healing... Yes, i am. I was polite and said Thank you...hope you are feeling better etc. But didn't leave it open for further conversation. The only thing I did say...but I honestly don't regret, was that I was sorry I wasn't able to be friends...the intelligent rational part of me knows I'm better off as things are, but my emotional side still has some healing to do, and since that is the weakest part of me, I have to protect it. But that was it. Now I'm back to NC. I know that I'll only get hurt an email or two down the line. Link to post Share on other sites
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