Should I buy her an engagement ring when she doesn't wear jewelry?

[tchambers74]

I'm planning on proposing marriage to my long time girlfriend. We have been commited to each other for some time and continue to be happy.

 

My question involves whether or not to get her an engagement ring. While I recognize its value as a symbol, she does not wear jewelry of any sort: no earrings, necklaces, rings, etc. She just doesn't like to deal with it. The only piece of jewelry she has kept was a watch that I bought her. Though I don't think that she would have any desire to wear any jewelry, I know that she would feel an obligation to wear it if I were to propose marriage with a ring. So I don't really think that she would miss not having a ring, but I do want to give her a symbol of some sort when I propose.

 

My thought then is to consider an alternative symbol to a ring (though I haven't figured out a great idea as to what that would be). So I'm looking for some feedback on wether this whole thought process seems rational. I would also appreciate ideas for other things I could give her.

 

Thanks

[magda]

I think you should ask her. If she's at all traditional she may want one even though she wears no other jewelry. Many men wear a wedding band, at least, and they don't wear other jewelry. A simple setting perhaps... but if you really think she wouldn't like it at all, yeah, I think you should ask her. It might be helpful if you brainstrom a few alternatives if she seems receptive to the idea of an alternate symbol if she doesn't go for the ring. I think that she might like the ring anyway, though. It's a custom - most women would, I believe.

 

But if she thinks you don't like the idea, I think most women would easily agree to an alternate idea - simply because it's a gift. So unless you're really sure about this, I say be careful how you bring it up. She may feel bad about wanting a ring if you seem find it so unfitting, know what I mean?

[moimeme]

I don't think you have to have bling in hand to propose. I know TV and movies have people popping open ring boxes, but heck, the prize is the proposal. You can go out together another time if she says yes and get some nice item to commemorate the proposal; either a ring or something she'd prefer to a ring.

[ziggue]

I am not into jewellery. I only wear necklaces. I don't wear rings on my fingers at all. I think I would make a little ecception for a wedding ring and engagement ring.

 

Coming from someone who's not into jewellery. Make the proposal something really special and romantic, something she'll really remember.

 

Oh and get something nice, pretty and simple for the ring. I would still love a ring when getting proposed too but not something big and chunky. Just something simple she might like.

 

I agree with Magda. Talk to her about rings. Just bring it up casually. In general conversation. Just to get some ideas on what she likes. . If that helps.

[Pyrannaste]

Moimeme's is great advice.

You don't really need to do a proposal like in the movies....if you anyway want to propose in a way she will remember forever, you have plenty of ways to do so, just use your imagination and be creative....propose in a romantic place, or after a special evening.....she'll be as delighted as girls who care for the ring who are presented a big rock.

If she would like to get married to you and is actually looking forward to the proposal, she will be the happiest woman in the world no matter how classic or creative your proposing is.

I think that if you tell her that if she likes the idea you are getting her a ring that you can shop for together, of if she doesn't you'd like to get her something symbolic that you can decide together, she'll be delighted and you'll score thousands of points.

[Matilda]

You really NEED to talk to her about this. I also don't really wear jewelery, I wear earrings but never rings on my fingers. Except, my wedding band. My husband also assumed that I would not like an engagement ring, because I don't wear rings, and didn't get me one. Bad mistake! (Although not a deal breaker, I still love him dearly. ) An engagement ring is different to me, it's not simply a form of adornment, but a symbol of commitment.

 

I have no idea if you wife feels the same as I do or not. I think which ever way you go, if you don't have some idea of what she really wants, could be a mistake. If you get her a ring, and she really does not want one, then she will think you don't know her well enough to know she doesn't like jewelry. But if you don't get her one, and she really does want one, then you will be in "trouble" too.

 

Also, something to consider, when you get engaged, and start telling people, the first thing they say is: "Let me see your ring!" You and your intended need to feel comfortable with not having one in this situation.

 

I wound up getting a wedding band that is fancier than a traditional wedding band, but still simple enough that it doesn't get in my way, and suits me. To me it is a cross between an engagment ring and wedding band (since I didn't get an engagement ring ) This might be something you want to think about too.

 

I guess you are trying to surprise her with a proposal, but I would definitely feel her out about this issue, before you do so.

[wildturkey]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=262928#post262928

 

talk to her first or find out somewhat what she likes. I don't think that really matters but at least make sure you talk to cover all the bases. I hope she realizes you will be saying "I love you forever".

[heidi]

I don't really wear jewelry either, but I absolutely wanted a ring! For me... it was just part of that idea of love and romance that I got as a little girl. I'm not a girly-girl at all, and most people who know me probably wouldn't have guessed that I too had those girly ideas of diamonds, a big white dress, and all that stuff you see on the movies. I don't know how your girlfriend feels, but my advice is DON'T ASSUME ANYTHING!!!! Getting married hopefully only happens once and if this stuff is important to her then I'm sure you'd feel horrible about not doing it right. She'd still love you no matter what you decide, but just test the waters a little by hinting at it and see what she says. She may not like jewelry, but she may still love wearing your ring!

[jmargel]

Wow.. a chick not into jewelry? Damn, you are a lucky one. lol..

 

My best suggestion would be to ask her. Just bring it up casually like when you are watching TV with her or see a magazine ad about jewerly saying 'If I were to propose, would you want to go the tradional route with a ring?' She maybe really wanting one, most women do.

[YellowLioness]

I just think it's funny that Moimeme said, "bling," in a post. I don't know why, but it made me smile. lol.

 

Rings are a big deal to girls; heidi said that it was intwined into her idea of love. In that aspect, I believe she represents most females.

 

Honestly, I have never known a female to NOT want an engagement ring.

 

However, you may try a neclace, if you want a different idea. Or, you COULD do what my cousin did: She and her man planted two oak trees close together on the day of their engagement. The trees represented their love and devotion to each other. THey are supposed to grow together and eventually become a part of eachother.

 

They did however have simple wedding bands made.

 

Ah well, we're a bunch o' hippies where I live, so you may not find it as sweet or romantic as I do. :-)

[Ophelia971]

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GET HER THE RING!!!!!

[Pained]

I'm like a few of the others who said they don't wear jewelry. I don't like wearing it either. Just too much hassle, and too much to worry about when you're an active person. That being said, I'd wear an engagement ring as long as the stone wasn't too big. You should definitely ask your girlfriend about this.

[Anais]

What about asking her jokingly: Hey you don’t like jewllery it is easier for me when I decide to propose you one day! Haha We always talk about everything with my husband. Try to talk about someone else, like a friend of you has the problem and mention it by the way so you will know what she thinks about it. Communication is the best way to find out things.

[krbshappy71]

No jewlery here, either but I could never turn down a ring. Its a symbol, its a WONDERFUL show-off-giddy-moment when you go to work/friends and announce the engagement peopel say "where's the ring!! let me see!!" so...um. she will show them....hm. Just thought I'd mention that, people do ask to see the ring.

 

Make it simple.