Why do some women only like "bad boys"?

[Rivka]

Reading the Wiser Woman post about he guy who stays with a woman who treats him like crap, I am now reminded of how so many women, including myself, only go for the "bad boys" type of men.

 

I find a man who is too nice a bit boring and not much of a challenge, whereas I am highly attracted to the bad boy type because I get more excitement out of it even though the highs and lows can be very extreme. Maybe one day I'll "grow up" and find stabiliy, but right now that is the last thing I want.

 

This one younger guy who was in a workshop I with me that we did not long ago, was really attracted to me. He was super nice, had great manners, treated me like a lady, and had alot of class for a 23-year-old. I went out for dinner with him a few times as a friend, then when it became clear he had romantic interests I told him I couldn't be with him in that way even though I really liked him.

 

He was really hurt and asked me to tell him exactly what it was about him that I did't like. I said, "YOu won't wanna hear this BELIEVE me!" but he insisted so I told him why:

 

1) You're too nice for me

 

2) You're too straight forward

 

3) You don't play games

 

4) You aren't "perverted" for me

 

5) You don't have enough "power" for me (by this I meant

 

"you're too young" but I couldn't say that to his face)

 

Afterwards he thanked me and we continued to be friends.

[Jenna]

You wrote; Maybe one day I'll "grow up" and find stabiliy, but right now that is the last thing I want.

 

Its pretty simple really- you don't want to get caught up in a relationship that makes demands on you for a committment.

 

Depending on your age- and\or life status (recently divorced\separated, high demand job, etc)this may be completely normal. As long as your definition of "bad" isn't "homicidal-bank robbing- drug dealer" -then what you are doing is seeking out people how have the same interests as you- especially the interest in not being in a committed relationship.

 

In looking back at the couple of years after my divorce- GOOD GOD- I just chose one loser after another- we had fun- got what we wanted from each other - and went on. I know now- in hind sight- I didn't want to get involved with someone who one night was going to drop down on one knee and whip out a diamond and pop the dreaded "question"- so I made damn sure that the people I went out with weren't that type- or at least the type I wouldn't be tempted to say "yes" to if I had judged them wrong. And, when I was ready to really be with someone again- my choice in men went from one end of the spectrum to the other- nice, well mannered, financially stable, loving, caring responsible adults. Then I married one!

 

Everything is relative.

 

Some people- however- make bad choices because they don't know how to do anything different- as Tony mentioned earlier. Childhood traumas can and often succeed in doing unrepairable damage to our ability to make healthy choices in our adult lives.

 

Jenna

Reading the Wiser Woman post about he guy who stays with a woman who treats him like crap, I am now reminded of how so many women, including myself, only go for the "bad boys" type of men. I find a man who is too nice a bit boring and not much of a challenge, whereas I am highly attracted to the bad boy type because I get more excitement out of it even though the highs and lows can be very extreme. Maybe one day I'll "grow up" and find stabiliy, but right now that is the last thing I want. This one younger guy who was in a workshop I with me that we did not long ago, was really attracted to me. He was super nice, had great manners, treated me like a lady, and had alot of class for a 23-year-old. I went out for dinner with him a few times as a friend, then when it became clear he had romantic interests I told him I couldn't be with him in that way even though I really liked him. He was really hurt and asked me to tell him exactly what it was about him that I did't like. I said, "YOu won't wanna hear this BELIEVE me!" but he insisted so I told him why: 1) You're too nice for me 2) You're too straight forward 3) You don't play games 4) You aren't "perverted" for me

 

5) You don't have enough "power" for me (by this I meant "you're too young" but I couldn't say that to his face) Afterwards he thanked me and we continued to be friends.

[bob]

You wrote; Maybe one day I'll "grow up" and find stabiliy, but right now that is the last thing I want. Its pretty simple really- you don't want to get caught up in a relationship that makes demands on you for a committment. Depending on your age- and\or life status (recently divorced\separated, high demand job, etc)this may be completely normal. As long as your definition of "bad" isn't "homicidal-bank robbing- drug dealer" -then what you are doing is seeking out people how have the same interests as you- especially the interest in not being in a committed relationship. In looking back at the couple of years after my divorce- GOOD GOD- I just chose one loser after another- we had fun- got what we wanted from each other - and went on. I know now- in hind sight- I didn't want to get involved with someone who one night was going to drop down on one knee and whip out a diamond and pop the dreaded "question"- so I made damn sure that the people I went out with weren't that type- or at least the type I wouldn't be tempted to say "yes" to if I had judged them wrong. And, when I was ready to really be with someone again- my choice in men went from one end of the spectrum to the other- nice, well mannered, financially stable, loving, caring responsible adults. Then I married one!

 

Everything is relative. Some people- however- make bad choices because they don't know how to do anything different- as Tony mentioned earlier. Childhood traumas can and often succeed in doing unrepairable damage to our ability to make healthy choices in our adult lives. Jenna