sweaterweatherstar Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I turn 28 in December and am beginning to feel as if I am far past my prime. I've always been introverted and have suffered with low self-esteem, but even despite that, I got far more attention from guys when I was in my early 20s than I ever did 25+. The guy I am interested in (who is exactly my age) treats me like a male friend and shows no interest, when in my early 20s I couldn't seem to have a guy friend who WASN'T interested in me to some degree. And I was just as shy (if not more so actually) and insecure as I am now. I haven't gained a lot of weight and don't think I've changed that drastically physically, but apparently I must have, especially reading various opinions online from men stating that women start losing their looks after 25, and most men seem to prefer women 18-22. Would most men on this site agree with that? What age do you feel women start becoming less desirable? I'm wondering if I should start settling at this point and becoming less picky.
CarrieT Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I have bad news for you; you are going to always feel this way. When I was in my 30s, I thought "gee, all the guys I'm with want the girls who are in their late 20s." Then when I hit my 40s it seems as though all my contemporaries want girls in their late 30s. I am not approaching 50 and the men my age want women in their early 40s. So it is entirely a matter of perspective; no matter what age you are, you will always feel like you have missed the boat in some fashion or another.
Andy_K Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I'm a 28 year old guy. Lookswise, I still find 20-25 year old girls most attractive. The unpleasant truth is that unless they work pretty hard to look after themselves, most girls just won't look as good in their late twenties as they did at 21. Facially, they'll look older. They might weigh almost the same, but chances are they'll be noticably less toned. This is enough to make a big difference to the number of guys who'l hit on them. And before anyone calls me a hypocrite, I'm in better shape now than I was at 18. I've taken my health & fitness seriously for the last ten years, and will do so for the next ten. The same is true for some girls, but they're in the minority.
Frogwife Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Good grief - I'm usually a lurker around here, but for some reason I felt the need to respond to both of the above posts... First of all, men who sit around online posting that "women lose their looks by xx date" are just unhappy men who don't like women and/or have had poor success so they want to find ways to zing them in the only way their tiny little brains can. (On the flip side, same for women who say "all men are a**holes, or whatever.) If you walk around with a Schlepprock, woe-is-me attitude, you're not going to attract anyone of any age! I'm almost 43, I'm certainly not going to be on the cover of any fashion or fitness magazine any time soon and I attract men of all ages -ten years older, ten years younger and every age in-between. I've never in my life felt like I've "missed the boat" in any fashion... and if you have that attitude, it's going to be a defeating self-fulfilling prophecy. Are there men (and women) that are fixed on an "age" and must have "that age"... sure... and leave 'em to it... really, who gives a crap what other people's opinions are about something you have no control over (or even about things you do have control over). Make the most of what you have, take care of yourself - inside and out - and make yourself available to people who want you, don't worry about those who don't.
madjac74 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Age is just a number. There are people my age (37) who take care of themselves and look fantastic and we can pass for 20 somethings. There are people my age who smoke too much, drink too much, don't exercise, complain about life...that **** shows and they look 20 yrs older. A 33 yr old that I am crazy about has been mistaken for a teenager.
Andy_K Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 men who sit around online posting that "women lose their looks by xx date" are just unhappy men who don't like women and/or have had poor success so they want to find ways to zing them in the only way their tiny little brains can. Reading that reaction, you'd almost think someone hit a raw nerve. For my part, I neither dislike women nor have dating problems. I'm simply calling things as they are. I'm quite happy to also state that most guys will have a belly by their late twenties if they don't actively try to prevent it. Or that the majority of attractive guys mostly just want sex and will hurt people to get it. That doesn't make me a man-hater either. I've got a few grey hairs, if you'd like to try to score a genuine ageing related insult rather than resorting to implying I've got a tiny brain.
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I don't think you should worry. When I was 18-22, I was never hit on. And I mean NEVER. I was shy, geeky, wore over-sized clothes, no make up, my hair looked like s%^(. I was probably most attractive at 25-28. That's when I figured out how to dress, wear make up, color hair etc. But even then - pickings were slim. I could only get guys interested in casual sex. Believe it or not, I was by far MOST hit on between 30 and 32 and by best quality men. I got established in my career and grew more confident - even though my looks quite probably declined.
Frogwife Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 For my part, I neither dislike women nor have dating problems. If you read what I said, you are not the person I am speaking to when I say "tiny brains". You're happy with women, you don't have dating problems and you're not sitting around on the internet finding ways to insult women. The men and women who DO do this, however, are the ones I'm speaking to.
Woggle Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Never if they keep their desirable traits and that is not just looks.
madjac74 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Around 30 typically, YMMV. WTF is YMMV? This abbreviation nonsense is out of control. Obviously a kid especially when the line is drawn at 30
Andy_K Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 YMMV = Your Mileage May Vary. In other words, you may find things to be slightly different.
madjac74 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 YMMV = Your Mileage May Vary. In other words, you may find things to be slightly different. Oh geesh! Is this a common abbreviation? And also when you put a comma in front of it "About 30, YMMV" it becomes someone's name. As in "You look old today, Steve"
Cee Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I agree with Carrie T that this feeling of being past your prime will never go away. I never gave my age and desirability a second thought until I hit my late 30s. Now I must fight that urge to denigrate myself on age because if I start hating myself at 40, I'll really hate myself at 60 and beyond. I look at my aunt at age 70 and marvel how hot she is. She has always been beautiful and is akin to a Jewish Jackie Onassis. She has style and this lovable charm that is infectious. At 70, she stands out more than ever. She's one of the rare women who doesn't dye her hair and I think that makes her even more beautiful. Her silver white hair announces that she has confident in who she is. I'm guessing every man at the synagogue is secretly in love with her. I have concluded that it's your choice how you want to live. You can be a vibrant and desirable at any age. Aging need not be thought of as a curse, but rather the natural course of life.
Author sweaterweatherstar Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 Yeah, the replies I'm getting are pretty much what I expected (at least from the guys, who my question was mainly directed towards). What age range then do you think would go for someone almost 28? I used to think forties was too old but since guys my age and in their 30s seems to want under-25 I'm figuring I should broaden my horizons or be less picky.
Cee Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 WTF is YMMV? This abbreviation nonsense is out of control. Obviously a kid especially when the line is drawn at 30 YMMV is one of the oldest acronyms on the internet. I remember seeing it in the early 1990s on Usenet. Ah, the good old days of dial up modems and the usenet. Since this is an age thread, I thought it is fitting to point out how old I am.
TBH Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 i think its just as much about the vibe you give off than how you look 5 years later on. not to generalise but people in their early 20s tend to be much more carefree and have kind of a more optomistic attitude about life, because after all, it is their oyster. When you mature (i think mature is a much nicer word!) you get much more clued up. for me personally I stopped being so open to advances by random men because its just not so flattering anymore. I say this because when i was younger any attention made me feel special and attractive, whereas becoming older and more mature I realised that most attention is just general attention that certain men give to any woman within reason. If you have large boobs and like showing them off you will obviously get attention, but its not actually saying much about you as a person, so now i'm not bothered to wear low cut tops and flaunt what I have because now the attention isnt as important and doesnt validate anything about myself like I felt it used to. showing yourself off and being appreciative of attention is something that younger people tend to do more than older, and they are therefore obviously more receptive to attention and therefore they get more. I think 30s is a great age for men and women. you're more emotionally mature, more clued up and (hopefully) less needy of attention from the opposite sex so happier in yourself as a person. If you look after yourself physically there shouldnt be any reason why your body isnt just as good as it was in your twenties and if you are feeling good in yourself you will naturally exude attractive vibes so you'll still get attention, just not from as many men as would have before, basically because of what i've said above.
Andy_K Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Yeah, the replies I'm getting are pretty much what I expected (at least from the guys, who my question was mainly directed towards). What age range then do you think would go for someone almost 28? I used to think forties was too old but since guys my age and in their 30s seems to want under-25 I'm figuring I should broaden my horizons or be less picky. I don't really think you need to go to forties. I don't think you should really need to go any higher than mid thirties to find a guy, but it's always worth being willing to go a few years outside your comfort zone if you meet someone awesome. The trouble is for women, that as you get older you've got two factors working against you 1) A much higher percentage of the men available are not relationship-material, or not looking to date 2) They go for younger women. So no only are there fewer guys at a given age worth dating, but as the age of guys who want to date you goes up faster than your age, that problem gets compounded rapidly. For men on the other hand, the age range of women who will be happy to date you goes up slower than your age does, and being a guy who wants a relationship will increasingly make you stand out. Both sexes get a raw deal, but at different ages and for different reasons.
Alias71 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I turn 28 in December and am beginning to feel as if I am far past my prime. I've always been introverted and have suffered with low self-esteem, but even despite that, I got far more attention from guys when I was in my early 20s than I ever did 25+. The guy I am interested in (who is exactly my age) treats me like a male friend and shows no interest, when in my early 20s I couldn't seem to have a guy friend who WASN'T interested in me to some degree. And I was just as shy (if not more so actually) and insecure as I am now. I haven't gained a lot of weight and don't think I've changed that drastically physically, but apparently I must have, especially reading various opinions online from men stating that women start losing their looks after 25, and most men seem to prefer women 18-22. Would most men on this site agree with that? What age do you feel women start becoming less desirable? I'm wondering if I should start settling at this point and becoming less picky. You are past your prime. Why? Because you think you are. It's all in the/your mind. You got more attention from guys in your early twenties than in your mid to late twenties partly because of your attitude but mainly, I suspect, because a lot of guys play around in their early twenties and most (I hope) settle down when they're a little older. Women start losing their looks when they lose the desire to look desirable. You can put any age on that. Looking back on old footage of my wife when we were first together she looked so fresh faced and pretty. Now, 18 years on, she is slightly grey, fractionally heavier but she has far greater ability to attract men (not that she does anything with them!) than she ever did when she and I were first together. Why? Because she is confident about her sexuality and as a result is far hotter. So, I suppose, the end result of this ramble is pick yourself up, take a deep breath and fake confidence if need be. You are only passed your prime when you think you are. Good luck and try to think positively.
ScienceGal Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 YMMV is one of the oldest acronyms on the internet. I remember seeing it in the early 1990s on Usenet. Ah, the good old days of dial up modems and the usenet. Since this is an age thread, I thought it is fitting to point out how old I am. I've never heard of YMMV, and I am 30... which makes me a dinosaur according to this thread But, I am also in the best shape of my life. I don't feel unattractive or old, and actually, there is something to be said about dating someone that has had time to learn what they want and develop maturity. So, it depends what you're looking for. Some guys that are looking for a LTR like women that are a little older.
oaks Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Oh geesh! Is this a common abbreviation? Yes. Well, I came across it over 15 years ago, which I know isn't quite the same thing. To the OP - looks change over time. It isn't about "losing" anything.
oldguy Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 As in many things, I think a lot has to do with environment, who your hanging around with as much as where. How you present yourself is a huge factor. Perception you have of yourself influences the perception you portray and that influences not only who you attract but how they interact with you. Many people 'are' who they have learned to be comfortable being and under most circumstances modify that very little, or at least very slowly. Most of us are one person at work another at social gatherings & still another in our personal & family relationships. Experiment :-)
oaks Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 YMMV is one of the oldest acronyms on the internet. I remember seeing it in the early 1990s on Usenet. Ah, the good old days of dial up modems and the usenet. Since this is an age thread, I thought it is fitting to point out how old I am. Yes, this! I'm sure I have some old modems somewhere. I suppose I should get rid of them and use the space to store some less ancient stuff.
Author sweaterweatherstar Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 No, you are not passed your prime when "you think you are." People are acting as if looks do not play any factor into dating whatsoever, which any man can tell you is utter b.s. No amount of confidence is going to magically make me young and attractive. I'm almost 28 and I was wondering if men still found that attractive or around what age men typically think looks decline in a woman. So far I've gotten about 2 actual answers (25 and 30). 30 gives me a little hope but I have a feeling this does not representative the majority of men. While I agree that attitude and confidence can make a difference, it does not make an undesirable person suddenly desirable, unless they are already young and attractive to begin with and lack of confidence was the ONLY thing holding them back. Please don't feed me platitudes.
madjac74 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I've never heard of YMMV, and I am 30... which makes me a dinosaur according to this thread But, I am also in the best shape of my life. I don't feel unattractive or old, and actually, there is something to be said about dating someone that has had time to learn what they want and develop maturity. So, it depends what you're looking for. Some guys that are looking for a LTR like women that are a little older. I am too. I was always sort of awkward and shy in my younger years. Now I am confident and attractive. I hangout with a lot of 20 somethings that I work with and they are always asking me things like "How do you have so much luck with girls? What should I do?" haha. I feel like Yoda!
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