jangle04 Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 Hello. I am new to this website but it looked like it may help. I have been married for seven years and don't know if I am correct or I am just having feelings of insecurity. My wife works as an administrative assistant in a factory with about fifty guys. She often dresses seductively when she goes to work and I don't understand why. If a woman dressed like her where I work at I know it would be a distraction. I know I can't say anything because she will take it personal and become really angry. I have had bad feelings before and confronted her about it. There is one guy who is also married and she says they are just friends but I have had confused feelings when I see them together. She says I am wrong and she is getting tired of the questions. I often believe her after she tells me but I just can't shake the doubt. If she is I don't think there is anyway I would ever know. I was just curious as to whether anyone had any suggestions. Should I worry or just stop being jealous? Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 well, you shouldn't really stop worrying or being jealous...just matters really, how much, and only for your benefit. Doing too much of either isn't good for your wellbeing. When it comes to matters like this, do things for yourself. If a spouse respects you and isn't cheating, they should never grow tired of it and would work to rectify the situation. This is of course based on a marriage where 2 people really love and respect each other. So, ask yourself what kind you have and what you want to do with it. Where I work there are 500+ ppl. You come to know who is married and what not. Some women dress as though they love their husband and cherish their marriage...others look as if they are dressed for bar hopping for you know what and you would never guess they'd be married. Then of course there's behavior, one can dress provocatively yet practice a very conservative and reserved manner. So look at how the duck walks and how it talks. It all comes down to how much you want to take is all. GL Link to post Share on other sites
Shindig Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 This is obviously a delicate situation. You're suspicious/jealous and she's in a situation where there's a lot of opportunity for things that you would have reason to be concerned about. 1. Its a man's world and for a woman, sexuality is one of the most powerful tools she can use to make herself heard or get noticed. 2. When confront her, but don't attack her or her male friends. Tell her about your feelings, i.e. I get concerned when you go out for coffee with your friends from work and give me the impression that I'm not welcome to tag along. As your husband I'm a part of your life and your friends are going to have to get used to that. I worry when I feel cut off from you or parts of your life. 3. Don't make her think that you don't trust her, that will just make her defensive and she won't hear your concerns. It sounds like you do trust her, so be careful because jealousy can easily break down the relationship. 4. If you feel like talking to her directly will just inflame the situation, just size up the situation by dropping in occasionally to bring her flowers or take her out for lunch. If you get there and she's not there, don't get mad, be sad or concerned. i.e. I stopped by to see you and I was sad when you weren't there. If she asks if you're spying on her, tell her you're worried there's a gap forming between the two of you and you're hoping to make sure she knows you love her. You've been married for a while and presumably you understand eachother pretty well. As long as you feel you can trust her you have nothing to worry about, but you feel the way you feel. Its hard to change that. Its a problem you have to deal with together. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
iceprincess Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 Maybe she feels that you're not paying enough attention to her; therefore she dresses the way she does because she knows the guys there will "appreciate" her. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 I think Shindig's advice is very good. Has your wife always dressed seductively, or is it only happening lately? Does she like to dress in a sexy way also when the two of you are going out together? How old is she and are the guys she works with the same age as her? What about her guy friend? Have you ever felt anything like this towards her and some other male friend of her? What is that makes you feel jealous of this one friend and not of another of her friends? Does she treat him in a different way? Link to post Share on other sites
acaine Posted May 24, 2004 Share Posted May 24, 2004 Yeah I am in need of some advice as well....I am worrie dmy boyfriend of 5 years is thinking about being with other women. He has a so-called best friend who is a female and they have had sexual relations in the past. She calls him frequently and messages him all hours of the night. She refers to him as HONEY, SWEETIE, all kinds of pet names and I am really uncomfortable with it. I have otld him so and he states I have nothing to worry about. He tells me he cannot control how she talks to him. He says that his how she talks to everyone not just him. I find that hard to believe. Also he has been known to be a little flighty, he has just recently professed his love for me and I have found out alot of small stuff that he did while steadily telling me I was the only one in his life. I have read e-mail after e-mail and they make me sick o my stomach to think he was telling several other women how much he wanted to be with them. I am so confused I want to tell him I know more about him than I lead him to believe, but I don't know how to present it to him! I need help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
acaine Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 Hello all, I am new to the site as well and i am in the same pickle as far as the jealousy issue. My boyfriend of a few years has this friend who is unfortunately a female whom he has been intimate with quite some time ago. She calls and messages him and I get so angry when this happens. I feel like he is hiding something from me. She refers to him as Honey, Sweetie, and other pet names I do not like. He says time and time again I have nothing to worry about, but I am soooooo insecure an dfeel threatened by her. What should I do??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jangle04 Posted June 2, 2004 Author Share Posted June 2, 2004 I originally made this post and feel like I should just quit obsessing over it. What can you do? To Acaine your situation seems to be very touchy. The only thing I have figured out for me to do is try to build some new confidence in myself and take her off such a high pedestal. I'm an attractive guy and treat her great, if she wants to throw it away it would be her loss. You should try to look at it that way too. Nobody likes being deceived though. If people cheat it's very unfair to their partners and they should tell them. The cheater obviously didn't make a commitment anyway if they are going to cheat. Things happen is a bunch of crap. My wife is very flirty with other guys and this has been hard for me to deal with for a while. A couple things I failed to mention in my original post is that at her company picnic I caught her winking back and forth with the guy I have been cautious of. He also went out one time with us and sexual jokes would be made back and forth. She says they always just joke around like that. She says she has never cheated on me and never will. She also says he's married and she's married and wouldn't destroy our marriage. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 many times guilty people in situations like this always use the simple "he/she's married I'm married" cover excuse...as if the rest of the world is stupid enough to just take that as an end all be all excuse that infidelity does not exist. That is a sad but true phenomenon. Now whether or not she is guilty...I for one would go with yes. Anytime that excuse is used, it's a sign. Guilty people get stupid and use stupid excuses, that is an example. When someone behaves in a way that is already known to make someone uncomfortable and they brush it off and continue such behavior, regardless if anything behind it, it is a total lack of respect. A marriage with no respect, there is bound to have cheating. Hire a PI and see if you can get out of this marriage scott free Link to post Share on other sites
trying2bhappy Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 i have the same situation but, flipflopped, my husband could be this person you speak of with your wife. she makes sexual comments to him, she and other women from work rubs him and pinches his arms. has even left bruises there which he says is from lifting things at work. he in turn rubs her neck. in a group setting they've all gone out. the management and owner are invited on no spouses dinner and drinks and my husbsnd doesn't have the respect for me to not go unless i can because it's a party atmosphere. i would never go if it was no spouses on purpose, i'd make up an excuse. it drives me nuts. it makes me mad he allows it. i just don't put that out there with coworkers or anyone that it's ok to do that to me because i respect him and i guess he doesn't me. i dunno. how do i change the respect thing? i guess you cant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jangle04 Posted June 3, 2004 Author Share Posted June 3, 2004 Thanks for the responses. To Acaine. You mentioned he slept with this woman before. I would be concerned but you should ask him to call it quits. Has he been friends with her for a long time? If he made a commitment to you and he and she respects the relationship, she should stop calling him those names or etc.. Maybe she's naturally flirty though. I guess my wife is. Link to post Share on other sites
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