Should She Stay With Current BF if Her Ex Has Her Heart

[2ndConfusedfemale]

I had to ask this question, some of you who are involved may not want to answer but...

 

Have you, or are you currently involved with someone, but you know in your heart that you are with the wrong person. Have you let the person that you wanted to be with get away? If so, what stops you from trying to get back with the old/ex lover? And if they have gotten away, how long has it been since you've talked to or saw them?

[Pyrannaste]

Originally posted by 2ndConfusedfemale

 

Have you, or are you currently involved with someone, but you know in your heart that you are with the wrong person?

 

You are right about this one being a question we might not want to answer.

Part of my heart and part of my guts are telling me that my bf is not the right person for me.

 

Have you let the person that you wanted to be with get away? If so, what stops you from trying to get back with the old/ex lover?

 

It happened when I was 12, I don't know if it counts.

[2ndConfusedfemale]

lol @ the fact that you are agreeing with me. I wonder does it count at 12?.....(beats the heck out of me) Anyway, I was just wondering, because I was talking to a friend, and she was basically saying that her heart belonged to her first love, but she is with another guy, so I was wondering what is her purpose if she knows that someone else has her heart.

[Pyrannaste]

Oh! then my case is not really similar to what is happening to your friend.

The guy I let go at 12...well, at the time I would have banged my head on the wall, but right now is just a funny memory :"what a shy silly girl I used to be!"

 

My guess is that your friend is stuck in a romantic fantasy....about "how things could have been".

I was wondering, has she problems with her boyfriend right now? whene there are problems in a relationship people sometimes would think "wish I was still with my ex, he'd have made me happy", and that's because they basically forgot all the problems with the ex.....they just remember the good times. And idealize the guy.

 

Probably if she managed to dump her bf and got back with her ex she might end up missing her current boyfriend a lot and truly regretting her choice....

 

Just my guess.

 

BTW, is that really a friend of yours or is it you?

[2ndConfusedfemale]

Well, at first she said that she used to get an attitude with her boyfriend for not being the way that her ex is/was...Her and her ex are still in contact right now, but from her behavior you'd swear she didn't care about him. She says that he has some "maturing" to do before she could/would get back with him. What I don't get is why is she stringing the other guy along, with one foot out the door, when she knows that he can't have her heart. Generally, she knows how things would be which is why she isn't with him, but yet she isn't letting her emotions "detach" from him, and she's not putting forth a real effort with her current boyfriend. They go out, have fun, but everytime they have problems she uses the problem as her justification for having one foot out the door. lol, I tell her that she is just "humoring" her current boyfriend.

[Pyrannaste]

I'm sorry for her boyfriend....do you think he has any clue it is not really him your friend would like to be with? Your friend does not sound really mature.... I think she is damaging both her boyfriend (who should have the chance to date some other woman who would not put him in second place) and herself.... you can't be really happy if the person you are with is not the one you'd like to be with.

It would be wise of her to either break up with her current bf, and try to make up her mind about whether it would be worth it trying to make things work with her ex again, or stop contact with her ex and concentrate on her current relationship.

Probably if she put some effort into it, she'd soon start to feel in love with her current bf, and not her former one...it often happens.

Did you try to give her any advice? what do you think about her situation?

[tobi]

sounds like the old scenario of the pasture being greener on the other side, for your friend.

[2ndConfusedfemale]

Well, she knows this, but I don't know what is going on with her. Anyway, I just want to know is anyone who is reading this currently involved with someone who they know in their heart they don't really want to be with, BUT they stay because of the kids, time invested, etc.? And what stops them from going to the one their heart really belongs to?