curiouschick Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 I think a co-worker of mine is flirting with me, and it bothers me because he's been in a relationship for eight years and he has a daughter. The signs of his flirting: 1. Constant teasing and banter 2. Coming up from behind me and shoulder bumping me when I am walking 3. If I am sitting in front of him, he tries to touch my hair 4. The other day he called me "luv" in a work-related text message 5. He was standing off to the side in front of me the other day and he asked me if I was checking out his butt, when I replied with no, he started shaking it. We were together on an assignment all day the first day I met him on the job. Had plenty of talking time and had some interesting conversations - he never once told me he had a long-term girlfriend or that he had a daughter. When the topic of relationships was brought up, he said he didn't believe in romantic love, that the best you could have was a good team with someone else. He said his brother was married with a kid and he didn't love his wife anymore, they just made a good team. The second day we worked together he through me for a loop when he brought up both girlfriend and child. When he spoke of his girlfriend, he talked about how she was a "troll" and she often treated him badly. I admit there is chemistry, and I enjoy the attention I get from him - but I'm disturbed because 1) I don't want to interfere with his family (even if he's just goofing off and stroking his ego with me - this could cause a strain in his relationship) and 2) I want to be seen as a professional at work. The thing is, when I try to enforce boundaries, for instance asking him not to touch my hair, it seems to egg him on moreso. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 You've tried to enforce boundaries but he's disregarded your requests and so I'm thinking sexual harrassment. Diarise the events. Then take it up with someone more senior and/or HR. Do not encourage him by responding to his advances. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveandSuch Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 You've tried to enforce boundaries but he's disregarded your requests and so I'm thinking sexual harrassment. Diarise the events. Then take it up with someone more senior and/or HR. Do not encourage him by responding to his advances. I think she is actually questioning if she likes this, "Douchebag!" Think about it, the man is calling his girl a troll and he is forewarning you he does not believe in romantic love! That is some bad advertising, and a huge red flag. If you further things with him, you will become the troll in his life with an unromantic prick. Do you really need attention that badly? You can shut him down. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 I think she is actually questioning if she likes this, "Douchebag!" She has admitted that there is chemistry and she enjoys the attention. However, she has told him to stop, but he has persisted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiouschick Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 (edited) He did stop when I asked him to, it just seemed like his initial response was acting like "Why? What am I doing wrong?" I have not spoken directly with him about this yet. I'm going to have to be crystal clear with him that the flirting is not okay. Maybe talk to him one on one when I get the opportunity. If that doesn't work, then look into talking to HR. I don't want to go to HR if I don't have to. I get along with him fine, I want to get along with all of my coworkers - I don't want to cause any problems for anyone - but you do your job responsibly, and I'll do my job responsibly. We can respect each other. Edited September 24, 2011 by curiouschick Link to post Share on other sites
LoveandSuch Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 He did stop when I asked him to, it just seemed like his initial response was acting like "Why? What am I doing wrong?" I have not spoken directly with him about this yet. I'm going to have to be crystal clear with him that the flirting is not okay. Maybe talk to him one on one when I get the opportunity. If that doesn't work, then look into talking to HR. I don't want to go to HR if I don't have to. I get along with him fine, I want to get along with all of my coworkers - I don't want to cause any problems for anyone - but you do your job responsibly, and I'll do my job responsibly. We can respect each other. Hi, I do think you can shut him down without going to HR. I am happy to hear that the attention is not worth ending up with a pile of garbage...lol. We all need attention and it feels good, I completely understand. I just fear that this is how many of us may end up with the wrong person short or long term. I would of replied, "wow, nice! she is a troll, lucky her to have a man so respectful of her, lucky lady! I bet she feels like she landed a once in a lifetime winner! These type of responses to an ass, usually shut them down, if they are genuinely bad news. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Tell him if he doesn't stop you will tell his GF, he is trying to hit on you I am willing to bet he is lying about his relationship with his GF---he is a typical smooth talking "bad" boy---who preys on women Get in his face, do it right in front of everyone, and tell him to leave you alone Also tell him the next time he touches you in any way, you will turn him in for battery Link to post Share on other sites
sweetypielovely Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 First of all, he sounds like a pig. If hes talking about his GF like that then he has no respect for women. I wouldnt wanna date him let alone flirt back. He also mentioned that crap about romance.... Red flags have been thrown...leave him alone now as exciting as it is. You just like the attention. Find it elsewhere. Sounds like your his prey right now. He's trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
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