Should I say something and jeopardize?

[wondering25]

My boyfriend is in the process of becoming a fire fighter. After the first interview/meeting at headquarters, I see an email he has sent thanking someone for “taking the extra 5 minutes to talk to him” thus begins emails back and forth for about 3 weeks with this girl, we will call “Mary”. I should say that he does not know that I check his email.

 

So, it becomes obvious to me that mary is not aware of me, his living with girlfriend of over a year. I question him about this girl after we are at the computer together and I see an email from her in the inbox (took days for this to happen and I was glad I could finally say something without looking like I have been snooping) He replies with “you are kidding ,right?” he said she is just a friend and that no, she doesn’t know that he has a girlfriend. I say that he should tell her, so he doesn’t lead her on. (one of her emails says, “I was thinking about you this morning and thought, if I had your cell I could have given you a call to chat) he gets very defensive and says that I don’t’ trust him. so one night we are at the computer together and he gets an instant message from this girl (I just knew it was her even though the screen name was different) he says he doesn’t know who it is and then closes the box. To make a long story short, they still talk on the computer, but I’m not sure about phone calls.

 

Any time I bring it up, he tells me that if I don’t trust him, we cannot have a relationship. He has many friends that are girls and I have no problem with that. But this girl is not a “friend” he just met her! So today, 2 months later I see he has sent her a picture from when he was a volunteer firefighter years ago. I cannot say anything to him about this since I shouldn’t be going into his email.

 

My question for all of you is…. Do you think it is possible that he doesn’t want anything more from their relationship???

 

I should give a little more background of our relationship before you answer:

 

I am 26, he is 31 . We have been together for over a year, live together, families have met, we talk about marriage and children and where we will live. He also tells me that he has never been more comfortable with anyone in his life. He says he loves me all the time and is actually a very good boyfriend. I have no other complaints—he is never unreachable and always home at night. He is not sneaky with his cell phone or home phone (he asks me to answer his cell all the time)

 

I don’t want to stir things up if I am just being insecure…..what do you think?

[EnigmaXOXO]

Any time I bring it up, he tells me that if I don’t trust him, we cannot have a relationship.

 

If it were me, I would tell him; "You know, you're absolutely right."

 

Then I'd leave him to his own demise. Let some other naïve girl deal with him.

 

It doesn't matter how he shifts responsibility to avoid accountability. It’s a smoke screen, plain and simple.

 

Perhaps you should rephrase and say "If you are not trustworthy, I can not be in a relationship with you."

 

Same difference. Just different perspectives.

 

Life’s too short. Don’t waste your time on losers!