GUYS I Need Your Input! Whats "Time Alone"??

[desiderata]

My boyfriend of a little over 1 year has requested that "I need some time alone...not just from you just need some time for myself."

 

He says he needs time alone to think about "himself and his future".

 

This seemed like he was trying to break/break up with me right??? But then he soon texts me that he's "not with anyone else, just need some time to think things out that's all and we are still together and can hang out sometime. Just not as often as you prob would like." (I asked if there was someone else)

 

We had a falling out earlier that day, but about 99.9% of our time, there is no conflict. I will admit that we spent A LOT of time together over the summer (we don't live together).

 

I told him I was okay with the space, and that I kind of need some too (need to focus on classes and rock climbing, which I've been neglecting in order to see him lately).

 

Is he just retreating to his "cave", as some call it? Does this sound like a normal thing to do for guys, should I be worried? Have you ever asked this of your girlfriend before?

 

Also, would texting him "whats up" or "how are you" invade his space?

 

THANKS the input is really appreciated!

[mike588]

My boyfriend of a little over 1 year has requested that "I need some time alone...not just from you just need some time for myself."

 

He says he needs time alone to think about "himself and his future".

 

This seemed like he was trying to break/break up with me right??? But then he soon texts me that he's "not with anyone else, just need some time to think things out that's all and we are still together and can hang out sometime. Just not as often as you prob would like." (I asked if there was someone else)

 

We had a falling out earlier that day, but about 99.9% of our time, there is no conflict. I will admit that we spent A LOT of time together over the summer (we don't live together).

 

I told him I was okay with the space, and that I kind of need some too (need to focus on classes and rock climbing, which I've been neglecting in order to see him lately).

 

Is he just retreating to his "cave", as some call it? Does this sound like a normal thing to do for guys, should I be worried? Have you ever asked this of your girlfriend before?

 

Also, would texting him "whats up" or "how are you" invade his space?

 

THANKS the input is really appreciated!

 

If I truely loved someone I would want to spend alot of time together. There are times when we all "need or space." I know from experience when someone tells me they need space it's not usually a good sign.

 

It's good that you said you need some time also and left it at that without begging, pleading etc. I would tell him your true feelings about him and what you want and leave it at that. The balls in his corner now and he has to decide.

 

After expressing your feelings I would go No Contact and see what happens.

[TheDovic]

To me "time alone" means they want a break but are not 100% convinved they want to let you go completely. From what I've learned since my break up, the more you contact your ex after the breakup the easier it is for them to move on... however, if you act indifferent about the breakup (I know this is extremely difficult) it will take their power away and might even make them reconsider their decision.

 

I recommend reading the following post:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t297551/

[january2011]

Agree with the others. I think that you shouldn't be in contact at all during his "time alone".

 

And yes, unfortunately, you may have to prepare yourself that this is a step towards to a break up. So, it would indeed to be a good time for you to throw yourself into your own activities and making sure that you keep yourself busy while you also assess whether or not this relationship is something that you'd like to continue.

[norajane]

I will admit that we spent A LOT of time together over the summer

 

need to focus on classes and rock climbing, which I've been neglecting in order to see him lately).

 

Then take a deep breath and allow him the time he thinks he needs.

 

If YOU can see that you've been neglecting your "life" in order to spend A LOT of time together, you can probably find your way clear to seeing that it might have been too much.

 

You shouldn't lose yourself and your activities and life when you date someone. It's great to be in love, but love should add to your life, not take you away from it.

 

Some breathing space is good. Give him a chance to reconnect with himself, just like you need time to reconnect with yourself.

 

Let him take the lead in contacting you. Follow his lead. If he contacts you every few days, then go ahead and text him something every few days (something nice like, hey, class was great today! or rock climbing kicked my butt today!). Don't push him, just stay calm and relaxed and live your life.

 

Odds are, he'll realize that you two spent A LOT of time together because you both like doing so. And if you dial it back a little bit, you can spend lots of time together and still maintain your individual interests, activities, and lives.

[KathyM]

From what I've read, that usually means that they are trying to emotionally separate from you. They either want to explore their options and are not sure you're the right one for them, or they've decided you are not right for them and they want to break it off gently but still keep the door open in case they change their mind. Not a good sign in any case. If people love each other or like each other a lot, they want to spend a lot of time together. Sounds like the fight you had with him is making him question if you are the right one for him or not, and he thinks he needs time away from you to figure it out.

[Lucio]

It depends.

 

What's your age? Last year in college? That's when quarter life crisis/stock taking happens n ppl hide in caves.

 

Or. It might be an excuse to date someone else more (my best friend did that)

 

Or. Something u don't know cropped up - close friend dying, met an ex, family issues, religion blah.

 

I can give u 1001 reasons.. Everyone is unique.

 

Honestly, I feel like I doing this cave thing myself now.

 

I think texting now is a bad idea, since he has explicitly requested to be alone. It will almost definitely put u in the ignore list.

 

Also, from experience, this is not a very good scenario. But being worried will only make it worse. I made the dumb mistake of hammering the person with "why? something wrong? U can share ur burden w me!" n it only made the person flee. If someone wants to talk to u they will seek u out.

 

I'm not telling u to delete him, go NC for 21 days or start some ritual. Just do nothing. N think of nothing.

 

Just to share. U have to decide what fits ur heart best.

 

If u r dying to text him, just work out within urself the possible outcomes first. If u feel u can handle any of them, go ahead. Otherwise dun move. This is because I believe every one of us is only able to carry out the things we want to do, not what we r told to.

 

Take care. I'm a wreck myself, so this is the best I can offer.

[2sunny]

give him all the "time alone" he has requested.

 

any reaching out - effort from your end - isn't going along with his "time alone plan".

 

stay away! time alone means he wants you away - so DO just that.

 

get busy being happy on your own. your happiness shouldn't depend on what he is or isn't doing. allow him to understand that perfectly well! enjoy!