GabbyGirl Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Long story short I was involved with a MM. He told me he loved me and in the end he told me he loved me like a friend. I feel used and he lied to me over and over. I am so angry and finding it very difficult to move on and let go. I want revenge and to hurt him the way he hurt me. I am still in love but also hate him at the same time. This mess is my own fault for being too trusting and it won't happen again. I know there is no magic formula but I just don't know how to handle my feelings in a healthy way. Maybe a good cardio workout will help and work up a good sweat. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Gabby, I am glad that you've learned your lesson messing around with a MM. But, even available men can leave you heart broken and angry. So, don't beat yourself up too much about it. I know you want revenge, but there really isn't any. There is no way to make him hurt the way that you are. Someone either cares or they don't. The best revenge is to move on and be happy. The best revenge is to be indifferent and not care about him. In terms of letting go, it's time, time, and more time unfortunately. In the meantime, stay busy. Focus on yourself and what you like. Pamper yourself, be selfish. Figure out what you want in your next relationship and don't compromise (rule #1: he can't be married ). Make healthy choices and be better to yourself than you've ever been. Find happiness in the little things. And, exercise IS a great outlet. Whether it's cardio or weights, get into a routine. Sometimes that's the only release I get that I find helpful. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author GabbyGirl Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 Thank you ScienceGal and you could not be more right. It is TIME to let go so I can heal. It's difficult to admit but part of the reason I am not letting go is because I still love him and hope he comes to his senses. But that will NEVER happen and I am better off without him. Link to post Share on other sites
fuzzbella Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 First off, that revenge feeling, ive felt it, and you think if only you can make this person feel that pain that your feeling then you would feel okay again like you are even. But i found it doesnt work like that, because when you hurt that person it makes you feel guilty and alot worse than you started, and if you dont hurt them it makes you feel worthless because then you realise they no longer care for you. The best way to get revenge is to let go, move on and do nothing, it lets them know they arnt worth your time anymore. As for the anger, i found that it wasnt the person that hurt me i was angry with, it was myself, i was angry because i still loved him no matter what he did to me. Only i was foolish enough to go back over and over again until eventually i had enough and i left. You cant make someone care that doesnt want too, and those are some true words. To let go of the anger you have to first understand what happened it wasnt your fault, you tried to make it work but it didnt, he wasnt the right one for you. So now you take the time, and work on yourself. Keep busy and keep your mind off dwelling on the past and eventually you'll be okay again. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 As for the anger, i found that it wasnt the person that hurt me i was angry with, it was myself, i was angry because i still loved him no matter what he did to me. Gabby, On the anger issue, I wonder if you relate to how I am feeling... The more I think about it, the more I see that I miss the relationship and the idea of 'the good life'. I know several couples that have such an amazing dynamic. I want that. I want the connection and the routine. I want the consistency and the structure. I want the support to go crazy once in a while with an idea or a dream. I want to take my guard down and be me and know that the man I am with loves me completely. I want to feel safe and happy everyday. I am most angry that I don't have these things and the only person I am angry at is myself. I only had glimpses of it with my ex, it was never 100%. I knew it wasn't there, but I wanted it, and I still want it. And I still miss him despite knowing all of these things! Hopefully one day I can fall in love with a man that is deserving of it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GabbyGirl Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 Gabby, On the anger issue, I wonder if you relate to how I am feeling... The more I think about it, the more I see that I miss the relationship and the idea of 'the good life'. I know several couples that have such an amazing dynamic. I want that. I want the connection and the routine. I want the consistency and the structure. I want the support to go crazy once in a while with an idea or a dream. I want to take my guard down and be me and know that the man I am with loves me completely. I want to feel safe and happy everyday.! You hit the nail on the head! It's not the man that I miss, but the fun, passion, companionship. I finally feel a peace come over me. Link to post Share on other sites
Marianis Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 I feel used and he lied to me over and over. I am so angry and finding it very difficult to move on and let go. I want revenge and to hurt him the way he hurt me. I am still in love but also hate him at the same time. that happened to me to .. and i just wanted to hurt him in a way . untili i realized i didnt win anything by hating him ... so the thing is just to forgive him.. forgive yourself and with time will be easier to forget.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GabbyGirl Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 I found this on an old post and it is so true... If we're wasting our time thinking about revenge, we're obviously still hurt and not moving on. Why do we waste so much time on people who care so little for us? I'll never understand that. I'd much rather save my time and energy for someone deserving of it. I respect myself enough that I can walk away, held held high, that it was just the wrong person. No need for revenge. Link to post Share on other sites
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