Author datingSeparatedM Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 - The separated guy is repeating the pattern like a clockwork. After I broke up with him, he was calling me non-stop today and yesterday. He even left a pathetic voice-mail, begging me to come back. My girlfriends and I listened to it together and had a great laugh. The guilty pleasure of hearing a big shot like him begging and sounding so sad was priceless Link to post Share on other sites
Author datingSeparatedM Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 - The last thing I told him was, "When you're divorced and single, contact me. And by the way, I need to see the divorced papers." - I have blocked his text messages. His emails went straight to the trash. And I don't answer his calls. If he thinks that I would keep in touch and keep stroking his ego, he is so wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author datingSeparatedM Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 - I also set up a dating profile on match.com. I am going to date and enjoy life with single, eligible, and hot men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author datingSeparatedM Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 - Within an hour after I set up my profile on match, I already got contacted by a separated man with kids. Funny - I told him that "Thanks for the message, but I don't date separated man. Have fun." - And he had the nerve to answer, "Sorry. It is what it is. Do u date divorced : ). I can hit u up later. Also we can just be friends u know until later if everything appears right. I like taking things slow anyways : )" - You got to be kidding me. Does he think I was born yesterday? I will do whatever it takes to break this destructive pattern of dating emotionally unavailable men. His message went straight to trash. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 Please share your thoughts too I was 'separated' from mid-June 2009 through October 2010 when our D was final and did none of that stuff. That said, based on posts I've read on LS since I joined a few years ago, my experience is somewhat of an anomaly, so your bullet points make sense. Having been an OM and MM, my simple mantra is 'trust with verification' unless and until a preponderance of fact points towards bilateral trust being healthy. I dated two women while separated and found it a positive experience. No thoughts of my now exW and no negative emotions. My prior MW/OW left me of her own accord, choosing her current boyfriend as more compatible. I was, again, a tool. It is what it is. Thanks for sharing your experience. Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 Wow, you have summarized everything perfectly. I allowed my MM who is now an xMM to call every shot. But you know what...I think I am an emotionally unvailable woman as well. I've sabotaged many of my relationships with single guys with drama and walls etc. I know this about me now and am doing everything to conquer it. I feel like the lyrics to that Eagle's song Desparado apply perfectly to me. I adore my freedom and independence, but I keep thinking of the lyrics "Freedom, thats just some people talking, you're prison is walking this world all alone" I do feel condemned to walk this world alone, unless I get a grip on my walls and barriers. MMs dont threaten your walls and barriers because deep down, both of you know you can't commit to each other. It saddens me that I am not simply a victim of my MM and that I still need to do serious work on myself. What if I never overcome my instinctive walls? Well, thank you for your insightful post. You've already learned so much from your situation and your post was helpful to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 Hello Sprouts, I guess we all got a bit sidetracked. I learned that I need to be more aware of the way I handle serious life crises... eg. house burning down, husband having terminal disease. simultaneous events. I did not do well. I reached out to something that was wrong and inappropriate. Hopefully in the future, I will be more aware of my needs and ask for help in better ways. Gentlegirl Link to post Share on other sites
Author datingSeparatedM Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Hi, Thanks for all the great responses The breakup is a bit painful for me. I have been forcing myself to work and focus the whole morning. I could feel my heart hurting, but I'm sure it will be over soon. My estimation is about 4 weeks. I'm in week 1. Keep up all the good work. I love you all. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts