giotto Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Another story of a man settling! Do you know, did his wife also feel she settled? Did she know that he was settling? Glad it worked out! she was madly in love with him... in fact, she pursued him incessantly, until he capitulated... And I don't think she knows that, and I'm not going to tell her... Link to post Share on other sites
Baroness67 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 This is a question that really can have several answers. No, I did not believe I was settling for anything when I married my husband. He was the love of my life and I could not even imagine being with anyone else. He became most successful well after we married. That unexpected success was what brought the most changes in our relationship. He spent more and more time at work and away from the family, and I accordingly spent more time alone and with the kids. The couple part of us suffered. In the end I guess you could say I settled in that there are certainly parts of my marriage that could be "better" for me. However, would they be "better" for my husband? Also, I'm sure there could be things that would make my husband happier. For example, he hates pets. The kids and I love them, though, and he is not here 95 percent of the time, anyway. No doubt he is settling there. I think we all settle at certain times in a relationship in order to permit the relationship to continue in some form, even if altered. If you are not willing to settle, I guess that is when you walk. If on the other hand by your original question do you mean would some women prefer to be married to someone more successful etc. but will choose being married to someone who doesn't meet some manner of "standards" over not being married at all, yes, certainly there are those. And if that's where they are at the start of the marriage, they will earn every penny of that kind of settlement. Isn't the very definition of settling that you can't always get what you want in life ... So one learns to be happy or at least content with what one can have? Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]An old man married a young girl, a Chinese wealthy beautiful stays with an common American, even a rat can fall in love with cat,so every bottle has its suitable lid, everything is possible,struggle!i am a young girl,once,i also feel Life is so lonely. I am rich but also still single, later on, i am on AffluentSingle.CoM, met many good millionaires, you don't have to be a millionaire, but u can meet one there. now i have found my love , so i recommend it to you, maybe you are the next one to be loved![/sIZE][/FONT] you could at least learn to spam properly... Link to post Share on other sites
carmenrqjones Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 'Married women looking for married men' is a phenomenon because they are, in some cases, subject to an unhappy atmosphere in the home and cannot bear it anymore. High expectations from the marriage end up in disappointment and consequently the search begins. This search is fast becoming a social phenomenon. It is widely accepted and practiced. Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 I think there are two types of 'settling.' In the first 'settling,' a woman looks at her boyfriend and says: "He's God-awful. He's a liar, a cheater, he doesn't work, he's not physically attractive to me, he's manipulative, boring, clingy..." and on and on. In the other type of 'settling,' a woman says, "I'm really not happy that he's got that habit of leaving socks everywhere, having outbursts when he gets angry or not doing much housework. But he's so great with kids, he's funny, responsible, kind, mature." I think we all do the second part to SOME DEGREE. We don't completely love everything about our partners. There is no 'perfect' partner. So at some point we say, "I am happy enough with him. I'd like to marry him." That doesn't mean you're begrudgingly going to the altar moaning, "He's good enough...I guess...I wish something better had come along..." It just means you have a rational approach to what you're going to get - a husband who's human and prone to his faults like anyone else. It's not an easy game. I think this nonsense about 'not settling' is what leads so many to marry well past the age when they can have kids or to divorce...because they are constantly waiting for better. It takes people a long time, I think, to realize that 'Prince Charming' is fictitious and 'Mr. Good Enough' is really who they're looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Only those who aren't desirable enough to get together with someone they truly desire. After more than 5 years I still feel a spark when my husband walks in to the room That's great! I hope to feel that way and my aunt and uncle, who are my "couple role model" after 12 plus years they both feel that way and it SHOWS! I do think a lot of people settle in life in general. Lots of people never make goals for themselves and kind of just go along with what's good enough or what's not the worst. Lots of people marry because that is what they believe should occur...lots of people marry because they don't want to be alone...lots of people haven't the first clue about good relationship habits but they form relationships anyway. I strongly believe in all areas in life, we should aim for the ultimate. Sometimes the things we think are important or we think we need we don't need...that's different...you know you're settling when there is always a "It's nice but" or when you often wish certain things would be different. No one is perfect, no relationship is problem free...sure enough but I find those who settle always bring that aspect up to somehow cover up the fact that things aren't as they'd like them to be. We're all going to have trying times but I think that for the most part, your partner should be someone that the things you don't like are minute and what you do love and can see no other way is verrrry large! My parents settled with each other...and have continued to settle. Maybe they were inlove at one point, but overtime I doubt they'd look at each other and feel like each is everything the other wants...but they stuck around. Whereas every single day my aunt and uncle are genuinely happy and inlove and content. The latter is what I want. Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 I think some people are hyper-conditioned to NOT settle to the point that they always find something to be unhappy about in a relationship, even if otherwise it's a perfect match. To be honest, I think I'm one of those people. So it's taken a lot to temper that side of myself. Thankfully, I've also had friends to confide in who made me feel better and more reassured about our shared approach to relationships. A friend 'settled' for her husband and she's very happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 I don't think that is settling. I think it is just accepting the fact that a perfect and completely flawless person does not exist. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 I agree Woggle. It isn't settling to recognize your partner's faults and want them anyway. That's love! Settling is being with someone who you aren't crazy about, because you can't get a partner you are crazy about. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 I don't think that is settling. I think it is just accepting the fact that a perfect and completely flawless person does not exist. I agree Woggle. It isn't settling to recognize your partner's faults and want them anyway. That's love! Settling is being with someone who you aren't crazy about, because you can't get a partner you are crazy about. Completely agree. There are no 100% perfect beings, that's just the human condition and something most people should have a handle on before they graduate elementary school. Understanding that and falling deeply in love with someone "warts and all" is not at all what is meant by the term settling, as I understand it. If you love your partner, you haven't settled. For the record, although I think you already know this about me Wogs, I don't feel that I settled at all. My husband isn't some paragon of perfection, obviously, and sometimes he drives me a little crazy--as I do him--but we love each other, and we're happy. I respect him, I think he's quite brilliant really, and I love how our strengths and weaknesses balance so well--mostly, I feel pretty lucky. My hope is to grow old by his side, holding his hand. He might lose his hair, but I bet he'll still have a cute butt in 20 years. Link to post Share on other sites
sb5683 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Honestly, I feel like I hit the lottery with my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 Honestly, I feel like I hit the lottery with my husband. I feel the same with my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Honestly, I feel like I hit the lottery with my husband. I feel the exact same way. :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 there's nothing wrong with "settling" if the marriage works... A friend of mine "settled" for a woman he didn't particularly loved because he was afraid he would be alone for the rest of his life (he was only in his late twenties at the time). They are both very happy and very successful in their careers... they share many interests and passions... so, it can work. What??? What does being happy and successful in your career have to do with your marriage? Absolutely nothing..... Being happy and successful in your career says NOTHING about if your marriage is good. That's comparing apples to robots. Also "can work"...don't know what that means as I see lots of people in life doing things that "work" but is it absolutely fulfilling? Nope. Call me idealistic, but my aim is to do what fulfills me and breathes life into me, not simply what "works". My parents have been together for 20 some odd years and that alone may seem like it's working....wrong....they are simply still together, but nothing about it fulfills or breathes life into them and seeing that all these years makes me realize I CAN NEVER simply exist in a marriage just because...... Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I have been reading some threads on here and one guy said a friend said 80% of women feel like the settled. Is this true and if so why should a man even try pleasing a woman if she will just end up thinking he doesn't measure up somehow? 80% of statistics are made up on the spot. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 80% of statistics are made up on the spot. :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 80% of statistics are made up on the spot. Love this. Link to post Share on other sites
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