Looking for a 2nd chance with my exgirlfriend who is been resistant

[John1]

Hello

I dont know if you can offer me any advice or anything but I said I would do this anyway.

My name is John, I was with my exgirlfriend rachel for 4 years.. 11 months ago.. we split up.. I had drunkenly kissed another girl and confessed to rachel.. she dumped me immediately which i expected.. now ever since then I have tried everything to get her to give me a 2nd chance... We were so happy together.... But she refused to give me a 2nd chance... When we split up I acted stupidly by getting drunk every night and decided to ring rachel some weekends at 3am in the morning... needless to say she changed her phone number and she has since moved out of home.. I used to write her letters the whole time begging for a 2nd chance.. we had so many plans for the future, like getting married and having kids etc. etc..

 

I kept writing her letters and she told me she would get the law involved if i kept at her.. that was about 6 months ago.. At xmas I decided enough was enough.. so I gave up drink and decided to turn my life around... I saw rachel twice in january and had not seen her up until yesterday.. i had the day off of work so I know rachel walks home from work so i waited at a gas station until she passed.. an hour later she passes. so i get out of my car and i approach rachel.. it was so good to finally see her again.. she was stunned to see me.. i suppose she never thought i would call out to her, ( i bought a car recently), I asked her could we talk... ( when we were together we could talk 3-4 times a day - she lived 150 miles away from me so we would phone each other 3-4 a day) now we have spoken maybe 10 times in the 11 months that we have split up..

Anyway I asked her could we talk , and she replied that we have nothing to talk about.. Anyway I convinced her that we could talk " just as friends, no pressure" , so she agreed... in fairness now to her , she spoke to me for about 45 minutes in my car... Now I told her I still am in love with her.. She replied saying that she doesnt love me anymore.. she made it clear that we wont be getting back together that i dont deserve a 2nd chance.. I kept asking her for a 2nd chance but by wording it different but she still said NO....

 

Now it was great to be in her company again and been able to talk to her.. we were both relaxed and comfortable around each other...I told her that i cant get her out of my head.. she said that " occasionally" she thinks about me...

She said we had a great 4 years but we definitely wont be getting back together... I just wish she would give me a 2nd chance.... I asked her could we keep in regular contact , but she said NO that i would only get false hopes but later she said she would think about us meeting regularly as friends...

 

She said that her friends told her that she looks happier now than she was when she was with me.. but she says she doesnt notice that... I know i was stupid.. but I drunkenely kissed another girl.. thats all.. I just felt so guilty that i told rachel that i wanted us to break up as i had met someone else ( i hadnt i just felt so guilty hurting the person that i love ) I just want her to give me a 2nd chance.. i FEEL deep down that she does love me but is afraid in case i hurt her again.. but who knows? she says she has moved on and she said i should move on too...

 

i miss her so very much and would do anything to get her back, but i would love it IF she wanted to come back to me too... she is not seeing anybody at the moment.. neither am i , i asked her saying we could take things slowly if she gave me a 2nd chance but she plainly refused.. Sometimes I feel like im banging my head against a brick wall..

 

But I know our split was 100% my fault.. I told Rachel yesterday that I felt she is been harsh with me... It was a drunken mistake.. people say been drunk shouldnt be an excuse, its not, i suppose but it 100% wouldnt have happened if i was sober..

 

On a positive note though...Im glad Rachel spoke to me , we even had a bit of humour in our chat..I will always love rachel no matter what happens but as i pointed out to her yesterday... why not give me a 2nd chance instead of giving some guy she doesnt know yet a chance.. I hope that doesnt make me look too selfish but we had so many great times together.. we had our bad moments too but what couple doesnt... Her 24th birthday is at the weekend.. i sent her a nice card last week and she thanked me yesterday for it.... so at least we can be nice to each other but i dont know if she will give me a 2nd chance

 

Now im sorry for such a long post but i felt ye needed to know most or all of the facts..

 

I want her back so bad but she is resisting my attempts.. if ye can offer any tips on how to win her back I would really really appreciate it..

 

Thanks

John

[pixiegrrl28]

Unfortunately, right now your best option is to leave her alone! Trust me this is harder than hell to do. She knows how you feel no the ball is in her court. If you keep pushing her away like you are right now she will never come back. She doesn't know if you guys will ever get back together. She is not God. No one really knows whether they will ever get back together because sometimes people change their minds. Just back off and let her be.

[stonecold1]

Thank your for your reply... Well I will back off.. That was what I was going to do anyway.. The reason why I called out to her was that I missed her so much..I hadnt seen her in 3.5 months so I thought that with a bit of time maybe things might change... But that was the first time since January that I saw her.. I sent her a letter and a birthday card in the meantime just to let her know how i feel and that im thinking of her

But I agree , to back off now and just see what happens... She says she will think about " meeting me regularly as friends"

 

I can see myself marrying this girl though.. that may sound stupid... She doesnt seem to understand though why Im hanging on so long to be given a 2nd chance...Well its simple and i told her this " I love her and am still in love with her"

I know all trust is broken but for a while while we were in my car together 2 days ago.. she was completely relaxed around me, she had her feet up on my car.. I know when rachel is relaxed and she was comfortable there with me unlike previous occasions when i wanted to talk to her..

But yes the ball is in her court now.. She knows how i feel about her so I really cant do anymore at this moment in time , other than to wait

Thanks John

[sportsloving]

I wish you the greatest of luck and hope things turn out wonderfully for you.

[John1]

thank you for that.. i used a different username this morning... I do hope she comes back... but obviously if she is happy at the moment not been with me then i will put my feelings aside and be happy for her ..

But I do love her still even if it is 11 months since the split.. our talk 2 days ago was very " productive" , it was the best talk that we had since the split as I wasnt crying ( i gto a bit teary eyed) and she wasnt been cold towards me like she has been previously...

now she still said that she doesnt love me anymore and we DEFINITELY wont be getting back together but maybe we will, maybe we wont... the ball is in her court now anyway.. i feel i have done all i can possibly do.

[faux]

Everything points to the fact that this girl no longer wishes to have anything to do with you. I suggest that you leave her alone and move on as she is instructing you to do. She explicitly stated she has no further interest and will not give you a second chance. This is her right to decide, and no amount of pressuring or hanging around waiting for her will change this. She threatened to get the law involved in the past. I recommend you avoid her and let her be, else she might feel bothered and carry out her threat.

 

I have been in similar situations in the past. Believe me. It isn't worth causing trouble. It is far better to hurt, alone for a while, and then get on with your life.

[sinkerswim]

John...

I can almost feel your pain.. you are hurting pretty bad. I am sorry you are going through this.

 

I guess you can always hold onto hope for awhile that she may change her mind about you. But, if she said she doesnt want you back...that is VERY hard to hear. Its very hard to accept.

I am in month 3 since my fiance left. I hold onto hope everyday that he comes back.

Just take every day at a time right now and do fun things.

I guess its like what everyone is telling me..

If its meant to be...it will happen.

Every day IS a different day. We never know what tomorrow brings.

Hang in there.

I really do feel your pain.

(I never got closure from my fiance)

 

Take good care.

[jerryinva]

I agree with the other posters...the harder you push, the more she will run away. I know...I have done that. She as told you that you won't be getting back together. You have to accept her word on that. She is in control of that situation, not you. One other thing I have learned is that most women don't like a clingy, desperate man...it makes them feel smothered. So the best thing to do is back off. She is at least talking to you. IF you will read my posts, my ex won't even talk to me...and all I want right now is my best friend back.

 

 

Now...if I could only apply my advice to myself....

[John1]

thats what I want too.. I want my best friend back too... For a long time we werent talking... We used speak to each other 3-4 times every day and in the 11 months we have split.. we have spoken maybe 10 or 11 times... And the only reason we spoke during the week is because I went to where i would find Rachel, she was stunned to see me but giving her her due, she spoke to me for about 45 minutes... she said she will " think about" meeting up for coffee at weekends...

 

 

If we can get our friendship again then who knows... It may mean nothing but she hasnt been intimate with any guy since our split as she told me... the last time we were intimate was with each other on our 4 year anniversary.. that was 12 months ago..

It may mean nothing but thought I would add that anyway...Some people are in a worse position than me, they dont see their exes or speak to them anymore... so thats gotta be hard.. i know... i went 3.5 months without seeing or speaking to rachel, that may not seem long but it was long enough for me

Anyway I hope she does give our friendship another go... and we will see from there

[nickals]

Stay away from her. I know it is hard b/c I am in the same boat but it has been 2 years since me and my ex broke up. I have a post under couping that explains some of the mean stuff she has put me through since we broke up and I tried to win her back. I have tried everything except a ring to win this girl back. Now I just let her go. My advice is don't call her, see her, nothing. I still look at pictures of my ex, but that is only because the are in my mom's photo albums. they would be trash if they were at my house. just take your time and have hope. You know there is that saying that you get 3 great loves in your life. I got over my first love by working hard in school and then I met my second love. My advice is to just stay away and find something to lose yourself. I am going to law school next year and just hope that I can get myself busy in that and met someone else.

[slimmontana]

John your putting yourself through unnecessary pain..the consensus amongst the posters seems to be to let her go...Just use this whole experience to make you a better person....No sense in chasing those that don't want to be chased

[hurtingandconfused]

I have a quote you might want to read.

 

"Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never."

 

Good luck with everything.