Break Up Log! What does it really mean when your ex contacts you?

[jackjoynr]

The bizarre behavior from your ex boyfriend/girlfriend after a break-up.. what does it all mean?

Truth of the matter is, we probably will NEVER really know the meaning behind it all.

 

I realized I will probably never really know the reasons why my ex chooses to contact me after he's the one who decided to break up with me (this will be the 2nd time we've broken up). Believe you me I have gone back and forth in my head about it all which has brought me back to the initial feelings I had when we broke up: hurt, sad, angry and CONFUSED. So many questions have clouded my head. Does he miss me? Does he regret the break up? ..is that why he keeps contacting me? etc. etc. Until one day I just told myself, STOP!

 

So after my break up with my current ex I simply decided to just log about it. I'm usually not into keeping a diary or journal so whenever my ex would contact me, I would log about it in the note section of my cell phone. Whenever I felt the urge to contact him I logged about it. I guess i'm posting this for those who have recently gone through a break up and are dealing with the post ex boyfriend/girlfriend blues and are trying to find ways to deal with it. I would encourage you guys to set up your own personal Break Up Log or Journal to log about your current break up.

 

My log has been a guide for me as to how I've been dealing with the break up. Reflecting back on what I've logged has made me realize how I should have been dealing with my break up in order to fully move on and what to do if my ex does decide to contact me again. It definitely hasn't been easy but I've learned my lessons and instead of spending hours trying to decode why he's contacting/contacted me I just simply log about it. It's also made me view my ex in a whole other light. Reading back on my log notes all i can think to myself is, what a coward my ex is! I don't want to be with someone who doesn't realize what he has till its gone (twice!!). Though I still REALLY miss him at times, which probably wont go away for a while, I've realized A LOT just by logging everything that has happened during & after the break up.

 

Simply logging about the stupid, and hurtful things that have occurred after my break up has done WONDERS for my healing process. It has definitely made it a bit easier to deal with through simply letting go & realization. Instead of kicking, screaming and wanting to cry or rip your hair out whenever your ex decides to contact you, just log about it! Don't let them ruin your healing process! Write it down, text yourself, keep a mini journal, log about it here on the forums and then read back on it all in a couple weeks & see a world of difference in how you feel about your ex and the break up in general.

 

So log on LoveShackers and feel free to share your experiences. There is power in relating and sharing with others. Thanks for reading

 

**********************************************************

 

My Break-Up Log via my iPhone Notes:

 

BU: August 29

Last Contact: September 20th

started NC : September 20th

 

[broke up because I wouldn't move in with him amongst other things that i'd rather spare everyone the details.]

 

Sept. 10 - 1am ish

Called me after a night out with friends.

Small talk

Make sure "I'm okay"

Said he's sorry

Said he couldn't muster up enough courage to call me till now (drunk)

Said he worries about me

Said if I ever needed anything he'd be there for me

Said he hasn't messed with anyone since we broke up

Made more small talk

Said he misses me

-----------

Sept. 11 -

Tagged picture on Facebook with other girl

Removed tagged picture hours later

Deleted him from Facebook

----------

Sept. 13 -

 

Wrote me on Skype

Small talk

Asked how I was doing & what I've been up to

Kept convo short then signed off w/o saying good bye

------------

 

Sept. 14 -

Called and invited me last minute to friends show

Declined.

-------------

 

Sept. 19 -

Texts me early in the morning asking if I could meet up for a bite to eat this week.

Agreed to meet up.

-----------

Sept. 20 -

Calls me at 2:38am.. didn't answer. Texts me.. did not respond. Called again. Finally answered because I thought something might be wrong.

Called me simply because he couldn't sleep (*insert gun to head*)

Talked for 1hr 26min

Said he "cares" about me, wants me to do great things in life.

Discussed the break up, being "friends", etc.

Told him I needed my space away from him for awhile (meaning not seeing him).. maybe indefinitely. Declined meeting up with him for dinner.

-------------

Sept. 21 -

Tries to add me back on to Facebook. I clicked the ignore button.

 

(Decided today to fully commit to going No Contact meaning no answering of text messages, phone calls, Facebook stalking etc. Unless he's struck by lightening, hit by a car, or dying in the hospital. Even then I may be hesitant to respond to his advances

Edited September 25, 2011 by jackjoynr

[january2011]

I think you need to block him completely. 'Not answering' may not be enough because his communications will still be getting through. Ideally, you don't want to hear anything new about him. Any contact that requires you to process new information will be like 'picking at the scab'.

[MIK1000]

I think you need to block him completely. 'Not answering' may not be enough because his communications will still be getting through. Ideally, you don't want to hear anything new about him. Any contact that requires you to process new information will be like 'picking at the scab'.

 

The blog sounds like a good idea, I'll need to try it but at the moment I only have one thing to put in it, after a month of NC, my ex gf texted me late on monday night (while in a club I've heard) saying 'Hi how are you? x"

 

 

Your ex broke up with you because you wouldn't move in with him?

 

Is there more to it or was he frustrated with your unwillingness to commit in the way he wanted you to? If so, then isn't it obvious that he keep messaging you because he's still madly in love with you?

[headsashed]

i like this idea,ill spare my log on here though as it will go on and of for pages lol,today is only 4 texts so its not too bad.

Might just make my own journal in notepad or something

[jackjoynr]

Your ex broke up with you because you wouldn't move in with him?

 

Is there more to it or was he frustrated with your unwillingness to commit in the way he wanted you to? If so, then isn't it obvious that he keep messaging you because he's still madly in love with you?

 

I was fully committed to him. We've broken up once before so now it's kind of like de ja vu..

 

Long story short, I graduated college & he still has one year left. We discussed kids, getting married the whole nine. Decided to finally get back together (2months ago) & it all just went to **** from there. He stopped caring about my feelings, my happiness, and did not make me feel secure in being in a relationship with him. He would pressure me to move in & would say things like "I don't think I can be with you if we're not living together" & he didn't want a girlfriend he couldn't see whenever he wanted. Mind you, I live less than 20min away from him & my job is right up the street from his house. His frame of thinking to me was ridiculous & he made me feel so insecure about our relationship.

 

I would've wanted nothing more than to have been able to live with him but the constant pressure, my lack of trust in him and the fear of him possibly breaking up with me if I didn't move in gave me more reason not to. Plus he called me a "distraction" saying how he wanted to have a good last year of college. I really think he has mental issues but I digress.

I feel like he gave up on me too soon & I'm sure he regrets it (now that I look back on my log notes) but I can't allow Him or anyone to toy with my emotions like that. I'm beyond hurt that he chose to give me up so fast that I don't think I could ever go back to him because of the constant fear that he'd do it again.

 

As much as I wanted to fight to be back with him.. I've decided to let it go & let him go. I just got to somehow get rid of these feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and hurt.

 

In time..