JerryinVA Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 I have know this girl for two years. I knew before that in elementary school. In that time, we have dated, broken up, been really good tight close friends, and tried the us thing again. Meanwhile, there has been the "other guy." Her old boyfriend, who she hung out with (rarely) when we were a couple (I was 200 miles away at the time...but I believe her that it was just friends.) Problem is, he never went away, and she never made him. After bitterly fighting about that and other subjects for a year, I left her alone for a few days, and they got engaged! She has said she never feels like she will marry this guy, she has still remained just as close to me...but Friday we had a huge fight..over him. She didn't call me all weekend. I called her Sunday night..she didn't want to talk. I emailed her yesterday, and the gist of the conversation was.. "I really, really need some time away from you. I don't know how long that will be..." She had dinner with me and my folks who were visiting from out of town this past weekend (2 weekends ago)...and my folks said there are obviously some very deep feelings between us, they could both see it. So why does she need time away from me? This is hurting, breaking my heart... Link to post Share on other sites
jerryinva Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 I haven't heard from her voluntarily since Friday night...Although I called her Sunday and Monday...very depressing... Link to post Share on other sites
BlueLP Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 I'm really really sorry, this sounds very hurtful and confusing for you. Let me get this straight, is she still engaged to this guy but says she isn't going to marry him? Something sounds a little strange about the way this girl has both of you guys going emotionally. Either she isn't being completely honest to you about her feelings for this guy, or she made a bad decision that she is regretting and confused about right now. Either way, she needs to process her emotions and figure her own situation out before she can say how you fit into it. I would step back and listen to what she's telling you: <"I really, really need some time away from you. I don't know how long that will be..."> If you've tried contacting her a few times with nothing much on her end, it's a good indication that she means this for right now. Even though you would like to have input on what she does, only she can figure out what she feels. If you keep contacting her, there is a good chance it will only cause bad things for you. So it sucks and it hurts, but take some time away from her. There are an awful lot of posts about giving time and space on this site, I would read them for support. There are many wise pieces of advice about how to deal with a situation like this. Let us know how this progresses.... Link to post Share on other sites
jerryinva Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 One thing that has always puzzled me, is she is always very honest with me, almost to a fault. She mentioned that she might have him move in, because of the impending cicada issue (she is afraid of bugs.) But, not two weeks before that, she told me she could never live with him in her current house, it is too small, and he would need is own room. That doesn't sound like husband/wife to me. I know she is confused. I am sure my giving her grief about him moving in didn't win me any points, and I realize I should have kept my mouth shut... I just don't know how I can fix it, when she won't talk to me... Link to post Share on other sites
jerryinva Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 Ok...at the end of the day, it will have been two consecutive days with no contact, three days total out of the last five. (The other two I initiated contact.) I am really becoming dishearted... Link to post Share on other sites
jerryinva Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 She just called me...but...it was to tell me that there was a message on her voicemail for me (probably from when I stayed there the first few months I moved her, that's why they have her number.) After she gave me the info...I said her name, she paused and said yes...and I said...I just wanted you to know I am sorry and I missed you... that didn't seem to make her happy...she said ok..and hung up. In retrospect...I should have just hang up after leaving the message... Then I got to thinking...why didn't she just email me that? She knows I check it several times a day...and there no chance of having to talk to me... Now, I am more depressed than ever.... Link to post Share on other sites
jerryinva Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 She just called me...but...it was to tell me that there was a message on her voicemail for me (probably from when I stayed there the first few months I moved her, that's why they have her number.) After she gave me the info...I said her name, she paused and said yes...and I said...I just wanted you to know I am sorry and I missed you... that didn't seem to make her happy...she said ok..and hung up. In retrospect...I should have just hang up after leaving the message... Then I got to thinking...why didn't she just email me that? She knows I check it several times a day...and there no chance of having to talk to me... Now, I am more depressed than ever.... Link to post Share on other sites
jerryinva Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 No further contact from her... I was so excited to see she called...then to find out it was only to give me a message...which she could have emailed to me... Link to post Share on other sites
jerryinva Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 She just jumped online to answer my question about the phone call she had on her voicemail...then jumped off...after I said thank you... she said "OK..bye." :-( Link to post Share on other sites
Broli2001122 Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 Ok dude I can help ya some. Man don't you hate it when people just ignore these crutial things? Let's see she calls you to tell you of a message that she easily could have told you of through e-mail, she pops on only to talk to you for like 3 seconds about a question, and you prolly did could by telling her how you feel. I can't tell you what the future holds. All I can say is let time heal this wound. If it don't I can't help ya. We need more chicks on this one though. Link to post Share on other sites
jerryinva Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 Thanks dude...I agree she could have handled it all by email, and then she wouldn't have had to talk to me... but this has gone on for 5 days, the longest it has lasted. Granted, by calling her Sunday, and emailing her Monday, it has really only been 3 days that I have not initiated contact. My dad says he thinks things will work out...if I do what she asks...one of my friends thinks it has been too long. But she said Monday she needed some time away from me...not to go away forever. Arghhh :-( Link to post Share on other sites
jerryinva Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 By now, the natural progression of this would have been she would have called me tentatively to say hi today...and there has been no phone call. No contact. I think she is really trying to distance herself from me. I think our friendship is over. Link to post Share on other sites
calia Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 give her time I think she may be playing hard to get but still letting u know she's there I did that and he's been my husband for 14 yrs and he was married also . If you love somthing set it free if it comes back it was meant to be Link to post Share on other sites
jerryinva Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Well...obviously me text messaging her and asking her if she sent me the message was a mistake. It Obviously wasn't her...and she didn't even answer me. I think I may have done more damage :-( Link to post Share on other sites
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