1Dunno Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Don't know why I'm posting this (already know the answer) but have had a bit of a relapse this weekend. Next week it's the ex's birthday. My situation is that I have contact with her on a semi-regular basis due to working in the same place. Had been thinking about getting her a small present, even though she definitely doesn't deserve one. I don't know what to do. I could be a complete assh#%e and not even send her a text, as I'm sure every other guy will be sending her messages anyway. Please confirm that a present is DEFINITELY out of the question. Should I even bother with a text? If so, just "Happy Birthday"? Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 a present... are you joking! send a txt, just like you would to a friend. be polite. civil. nothing else. Link to post Share on other sites
triphopper414 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 NO gift and NO text. Since you two work together, wish them a happy birthday when everyone else does. It will make you look like you are wishing her a happy birthday as a group removing any personal attachment or any personal touch. Link to post Share on other sites
phn guy Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I say don't text either and definitely not a gift. My exs birthday was last week. I gave her what you should give your ex and that's nothing. Im going on 6 months NC and its still a rollercoaster. Im taking things one day at time. Don't get me wrong I would have loved to text or call her but it would accomplish nothing and only set me back. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 My birthday is coming up too, and it is several days before my ex's... Even if he sends anything or any message (I do not expect him to) I will not send him anything. It sucks, because I am such a loving person, but he doesn't deserve any of my time or thoughts. Does your ex deserve anything from you? Link to post Share on other sites
ccfan Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Well... this tread fits like a glove to me as today is my birthday... and tomorroow is hers (my ex) .... as many people here said, if she has the decency (wich i doubt) of writing a quick answer then i'll reply short and polite wishing her a happy birthday too... But if she does not say a word before the day ends... theres no way i'll write to her thats like saying.. "hey you still have a lot of power over me" this is killing me and i feel so bad to break one full Year of NC but we have to remain strong. OP DO NOT GIVE HER A PRESENT , just say when you see her in a casual manner say: congrats and thats it... i know many of us in these special days of the year are hoping for that text of that message from our exes telling us that they have changed but sadly that hardly ever happens... Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 My birthday is coming up too, and it is several days before my ex's... Even if he sends anything or any message (I do not expect him to) I will not send him anything. It sucks, because I am such a loving person, but he doesn't deserve any of my time or thoughts. Does your ex deserve anything from you? Same here. My ex's bday is coming up, and mine follows not long after. I am in contact with him (kinda against my will so to say, since we are in the same tight knit crew). I plan to say nothing, even though I do care for him (ugh!)...he doesnt deserve any attention from me, or regard. He had none for me, so I would just rather not. But it is against my nature to be cold to someone but oh well. I dont expect to hear from him on mine! So my vote is no gift, no text! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1Dunno Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Thanks all for the replies, appreciate your opinions.[ You're all right of course, a present is completely out of the question. I'm still torn between just sending her a brief, polite text, for the purposes of maintaining civilness between us. I'd love not to even send her a text, but I guess it will come down to how I feel on the day :-\ Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 sorry i didnt read the back story on this. but i have a different take on this. i say do what your heart desire. say happy b day or don't or buy something impersonal if you buy something at all. like a clock. gift at this time probably arent appropriate. but if you give anything...dont expect anything back. i am of the mindset.. to be the authentic you. but a good human being you. not a jerk or $$, but good meaning....just a decent human being. its easy to live with your self like that. also, when we worry too much what they will think and say and how they react.....we still in a sense give them control. if you want to do something nice ...as long as its not outlandish and stalkish, then do it. dont let her change you. you change you for the better. and you will always be happy with yourself no matter her response. as long as you dont expect anything. no of course if a person is really disrespectful to you, its not appropriate to buy them a gift. you can still be a decent person yourself. but never take abuse. and keep moving forward in your life, too and accept that they are not the same person anymore...and do things for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
HollyHoliday Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 NO gift, NO text. As you said, she doesn't deserve it. It is funny you say this, because it was my ex's birthday last week and I was pretty beat up about it. We will never see or talk to each other again, but still, it hurt to think that we would of likely been spending the day together. But then I realized that I am starting to like what I am doing instead, especially because it is leading to the advancement of my life and career. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 Interesting thread as the same situation is coming up for me soon. Also, we are still friends, albeit distant ones. I don't hold any grudges against her or anything like that, it just simply didn't work out (I sadly just developed such strong feelings and it hurt a lot). With that in mind, a simple "happy birthday" text seems okay. It's more friend to friend and polite. Obviously if things were different, say cheating was involved and the break up was nasty, then no way would I send anything, but if there's still a friendship there then just be the mature one and wish her well. I do totally agree though that any contact should be done for how you feel about it, not because you expect or want a response from her. If it feels right to you, then do it, if not then don't. Link to post Share on other sites
SillyS Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 I guess everyone is different. My ex and I broke up in July, and his birthday was in June. So I got him things in June, but wasn't able to give them to him on his birthday so I mailed them to him in August. I didn't have to do that, but I got those things for him when we were together. Then my birthday was 2 days ago, and I didn't get a message or even a simply happy birthday anything. Obviously this won't be a problem next year, but it really bothers me that he couldn't even do that. Before we broke up, we were together for almost 2 years, and before that we were friends for some time as well. I understand it's over, but wow, there goes trying to be civil with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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