My dad disowned me..Where do I go from here?

[shelbel27]

I have been disowned by my dad....I am a mother of 2 lovely daughters and have been married for 8 years. The problem seems to be that my father is jealous of my in laws. My oldest daughter is the first grandchild of my in laws and they have always been very close to her. They spoil her rotten and spend a lot of time with her. My parents have an older granddaughter, who is my niece (my sisters daughter). They have the same type of relationship with her. She is the queen!!!

 

In the past we (my children, my hubby, and myself) have had many Sunday barbecues and outings even vacations with my in laws. I love my parents dearly, but they no longer are close with me or my siblings since we have been grown and out on our own. My hubby is half Jewish and I have learned these types of families are close. I am the one who always had to call my parents, bring my girls by for them to see, etc. They have never made the effort. Though they drive clear to Tx. to see my niece a couple of times a year. I live less than 5 miles away!! I always made sure they got 1/2 of holidays and included them in all that i could.

 

It started with a complete misunderstanding. It had to do with my daughter and my in laws. It's a long story. He called and left a message on my answering machine a year ago. I called him back to confront what he had said. He hung up on me and that was it. I tried to let it blow over. Just recently (last week) he got intoxicated and sent my mom with all of my girls' baby pictures to give back to me. Completely devastated I am not sure where to go from here. I am thinking I need to read one of Dr. Phil's books. What is it called? Self matters? One thing I am learning is that I will never put my kids what he is putting me through!

[Papillon]

Well, who knows what he's thinking? Chances are he isn't.

 

I think maybe you should maybe catch a plane go and visit your dad, unanounced. There is nothing that a good, honest heart to heart, a fierce hug and a kiss won't fix. If you love your father then this will no hardship for you, in fact, you should look forward to that.

[supermom]

I am so sorry you are going through this! Sounds to me like he is taking it out on the girls, giving the baby pics back and all. I am a mother of one, but if my family did that to me....ooooh! I don't know what I would do, but I wouldn't beg for forgivness.

 

There is nothing wrong with the relationship your children have with your in-laws. I can't belive your father/parents would be so immature about the whole thing. You should remind them that that is how they treat your neice as well....and maybe they should start paying more attention to your kids.

 

Maybe you should write him a long letter, even if you don't send it. Get your feelings off of your chest!

 

I totally feel for you and hope it all works out soon!

[shelbel27]

This started in March of 2003. I went to visit 3 or 4 times. I did see him once. We did chat very briefly, but was very dry and awkward. The last time I visited was on Halloween. I brought the girls over in their costumes. My parents were not home. I have a key to their door (I feed their fish and check on their dog when they are out of town) so I let myself in. We waited for around for a while. My mom finally came in. My dad had dropped her off and left to visit a neighbor. He didn't go home until we left! I think a part of that was embarassment since my hubby was with me. My dad wants the world to think that our family is a bowl of peaches when in actuality we had a very disfunctional family. What I have always assured my parents of is that my hubby had a rough childhood as well. A little different though. His parents love him unconditionally and they never hold grudges!

[nativity]

Shelbel, I have nearly the same story you do. I'd love to chat with you.

[shelbel27]

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through some of the same stuff....I know how miserable it is. I would love to chat.