Not sure how I feel anymore : /

[LynnieBear]

Okay, so this might get confusing, but I'm going to make it as clear as possible.

 

I have this friend that I liked A LOT for the first 2 years of knowing him. He has stated he doesn't like me ::sad face:: Yet, he continues to pursue a friendship with me and have very deep, close, personal conversations with me. It's only been just recently that I have sort of gotten over him as far as a romantic relationship is concerned.

 

My concern is...

 

I knew a guy for 6 years and always hinted that I wanted to go out with him and he always turned me down. Until finally one day... he asked me out. Basically, he had dated girls and had "played the field" and all of a sudden he was single and finally took the hint and asked me out. Well, I went out with him and then ignored him after! lol I just didn't "feel" it.

 

Well... I am about a bazillion times closer to this guy than I ever was to my friend of 6 years. And I've made a big deal out of liking him. Like, a big deal. I think that's partially why I turned him a way a bit.

 

Well... what if a few years from now, or even sooner than that, he decides he has changed his mind and wants to give things with me a shot? I mean... and you can disagree with me on this all you want, Idc, but I'm of the stance that [straight] men and women make horrible friends. Terrible. I'm also under the stance that most men do not stick around girls they do not like like that. In other words, I don't fully believe him when he says he doesn't like me like that.

 

Being that I've made it absolutely clear how I feel and how strongly I feel to boot (because I did at some point), if he ever did want to try things out with me I'd feel so bad if I changed my mind like I did with the other guy. I really care about this guy. He's the best [guy] friend I've ever had, and quite possibly one of my closest friends.

 

Idk if any of this will happen, but it's all I've wanted to have happen for 2 years. Like I said, it's only been recently, like within the past couple of months, that I've sort of mellowed out a bit with my feelings. That was really only because he gave me no choice in the matter, though.

 

But basically, all I'm saying, is if I keep pursuing this and flirting with him and stuff, what if he reciprocates at one point? I mean, he's aware that i've done a really bad job at keeping it just "friends" even though he said that's all he wants, yet he still sticks around.

 

I think apart of me thinks he is afraid of being hurt which is why I REALLY don't wanna hurt him. He's been hurt in the past and I think he sort of has this defense mechanism with girls that he pushes anything serious away from him before he has a chance to get hurt. What if I'm that girl that hurts him???

 

Idk what to do lol . I've kind of tried to stop flirting so much, but I can't help it. I just automatically "go there" when talking to him. Our conversations just... flow... and I have a hard time not being flirtatious.

 

so anyway... I don't really know what my question is or what the solution is, but I guess the main thing I'm concerned with and asking here is...

 

WHAT IF I GET MY WISH???!!! lol, like that saying, "be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it"

 

what if I get what I want and I'm disappointed? after making such a huge deal?!!

 

lol

 

that's the best way i can describe how I am feeling at the moment. and I don't like it : (

[Floridaman]

Well... what if a few years from now, or even sooner than that, he decides he has changed his mind and wants to give things with me a shot? I mean... and you can disagree with me on this all you want, Idc, but I'm of the stance that [straight] men and women make horrible friends. Terrible. I'm also under the stance that most men do not stick around girls they do not like like that. In other words, I don't fully believe him when he says he doesn't like me like that.

You can't wait for him.

He's made himself clear he's not intersted in you more than being just a friend.

 

Being that I've made it absolutely clear how I feel and how strongly I feel to boot (because I did at some point), if he ever did want to try things out with me I'd feel so bad if I changed my mind like I did with the other guy. I really care about this guy. He's the best [guy] friend I've ever had, and quite possibly one of my closest friends.

(

 

If he wants to be friends, and you're fine with that, than don't expect more.

 

If he eventually comes around and does want more, that's fine too, but please don't waste another minute of your life waiting for him.

 

Go out and pursue other guys or let other guys pursue you.

Don't let your dating life be contingent on his feelings (or lack thereof) toward you.

Don't put your life on hold for him.

[Rabid Ferret]

This sounds too much like what I went through with the few women in my life. I eventually made it clear I was interested in them, but they shot me down. Yet bent over backwards to make sure I knew they desperately wanted to keep me around as a friend. Conversations always seemed to border on flirty, even going so far as talking about our preferences in sexual situations.

 

But it was all a waste. They never "realized they wanted me too". And I wasted years of my life waiting for a relationship that was never going to happen. There was always another guy trying to date them when they dumped their boyfriend, always another male taking the lead and pulling them into another relationship. I only got to spend time with them when they didn't feel like being in one.

 

And if I tried to put myself in a situation where a girl I wasn't interested in told me she liked me, and hung around me all the time waiting for me, I'd probably end up thinking of her as a "last resort" if I was desperate for a relationship and needed some validation. ( Not a good guy, here. ) But I think most guys would probably think the same on some level, even if they never actually went through with taking advantage of the girl.

 

And you don't deserve that. You should find a guy who is interested in you. Don't waste time waiting for this guy. You'll just end up hurting yourself. Good luck.

[ovarriart]

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