LilThalie Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Are emotional unavailable people attracted to people who are in the same position? I feel like this pattern repeats for me. First of all, I'm in no way ready for a new relationship right now myself. It's been almost 3 months since the ex an I broke up, I'm managing. Sometimes I still miss him, but overall there are a lot of good things happening in my life right now. When I met my ex, I was not ready to commit to him at all for some personal reasons and he was for sure emtionally unavailable because he had just broken up with his ex-girlfriend. Now I'm wondering why I was so stupid to even get together with him. It was doomed from the start so to speak. During the last week I have been talking to a guy quite a bit whose situation is similar to the one of my ex. In fact, he broke up with the girlfriend the day he met me(before he met me, just to clarify). I feel like much of the connection I have with him is a result of the emotional unavailability. Conversations that evolve around what is really important in life, how you cope with break-ups etc.. It's been interesting and I certainly like talking to this guy. So, I guess this somehow made me think that emotionally unavailable people look for and find each other.. Is it crazy to think like that? Have some of you had similar experiences? Link to post Share on other sites
triphopper414 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 LilThalie: You are dead on. I do believe that emotionally unavailable people are attracted to other emotionally unavailable people. I think humans can pick up on vulnerabilities. I would never again date someone who just out of a relationship. Ever hear of the concept rebound or fallback girl? If you want to break your pattern, don’t go out with this guy!!! Wait til you are really ready to be in a relationship. If you just jump into relationship after relationship, you will get the same results and end up in heartbreak. Personal example: I met a great guy, and I had been broken up with my ex for about 2 months and still feeling pretty crappy and I was not looking for a relationship so I just made out with him, but not was expecting anything and ended up liking him because we really connected. Later on, I found out that he likes to date several women at once a big indicator of emotional unavailability. There was some drama and we still talk--casual acquaintances. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilThalie Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 I'm sure not going to get anything started with this guy. Just hanging out sometimes to talk about stuff, difficulties, problems, improvements. It feels kinda good to have someone to talk about this stuff since I'm in a new city and all my girlfriends are thousands of kilometres away. It feels natural so far, but god I'm not going to make the same mistake again. This will be platonic!! Link to post Share on other sites
Kageytn Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 It is very true emotionally unavailable people are attracted to emotionally unavailable people. I have a ton of reading. Like attracts like. I have a huge problem with intimacy and I have dated men that have been commitment phobes. I can hide out in that relationship. I can pretend I am functional and I want emotional intimacy and they don't. They have the problem. I don't. I realized, after this break up, I have never even really dated. I just bounce around like a little random atom hiding out in sexual affairs, FWB and long term relationships with commitment phobes. I have been widowed for 8 years and spent four years in a toxic relationship. The rest was spent grieving and FWB's. When my therapist and I decide I am ready, I am going to actually date. Take it slow-get out, make some friends but figure out why you are attracted to him and how to stop the cycle from repeating. Link to post Share on other sites
AmericanHoney Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 (edited) I am pretty sure I am currently in that kind of relationship right now.The funny part is I am not a EU person at all. The guy I am seeing is very EU and I happened to stumble across this thread after I posted something. He sees me when he wants to not when I want to. The funny part he was never like that when we started dating but slowly he became more and more EU. Edited September 27, 2011 by AmericanHoney Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilThalie Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 I am pretty sure I am currently in that kind of relationship right now.The funny part is I am not a EU person at all. The guy I am seeing is very EU and I happened to stumble across this thread after I posted something. He sees me when he wants to not when I want to. The funny part he was never like that when we started dating but slowly he became more and more EU. Oh dear, this sounds so familiar to me. My ex bf used to be the same. In the beginning of our relationship he was extremely attentive and just really sweet and caring. When I wanted him to come around, he would make time in his busy schedule just to see me for a couple of minutes. He chased me for quite some time as I wasn't even particularly interested in him. When I finally gave in to him(getting more serious so to speak), he dropped the bomb on me and told me that he just broke up with his ex that they still talked on the phone regularly. Looking back I should have walked away in that very moment. But I was thinking with my heart and he really made me believe that he worked his way through his issues from his old relationship. Then slowly and steadily things got worse up until to a point where we both couldn't take it anymore. Keep your chin up! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you'll somehow get out of your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Paper Roses Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Yep. I'm emotionally unavailable as are every man I have ever been attracted to. Seems like the 'available' men bore me. Probably why I'm single again, eh? Link to post Share on other sites
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