Why do OM/OW keep on entering into poisonous affairs?

[RickFox]

I applaud your honesty in this post. I think this IS true for many. It is why experts encourage the BS expose the affair.

 

Why? When it is no longer a secret thrill, many and affair goes.....pfffffffft and ends within weeks.

 

Yup, and that's why I believe it was nothing but a thrill for my xMW cause she was a puff of smoke soon after and hasn't bothered to say a word since.

[siuys]

Reading through in many of the great threads in LS I understand that the odds of a MM/MW to leave their M are as much as winning the lottery.

 

Despite these odds, OM/OW just keeping on entering into these difficult A.

 

Why?

 

Hope, denial, naivety, ignoring red flags, fantasies, idealization of him, believing what I wanted was what he wanted too, unrealistic expectations... it was my first, and will be my last, affair.

[heartinlove]

You are making lots of assumptions. In my case not only did the guy lie about his marital status, but he saw me more than he did his wife. She lived in another state.

 

This question has been asked in many forms of different parties: to the betrayed spouse, why stay? To the WS, why cheat? I've been on these boards and I don't see the OW as the only person with issues. I mean I have been a BS and OW and I find myself asking BS who have reconciled how they know he's not cheating. Because from my own experience and from what I see here, even after DDay, the MM/MW continues to cheat. I'm thinking why, after seeing your wife, kids in turmoil, do you go right back and do it again?

 

In fact, if you use LS as a guide, it appears that the WS only stops when the OW/OM ends it with NC.

 

2 great posts mzdolphin. Ive noticed that too. I think that alongside that often used phrase "Married men never leave" should be "Married men always come back".

 

What keeps them in their confused space is indecision. Its usually the OW or OM that cant take the pain anymore that finally gets strong enough to go NC.