Your view on male virginity vs male use of prostitution

[Floridaman]

The whole goal is to be able to have sex with women, not become friends and/or truly understand them.

The ultimate goal maybe, after a relationship is formed, but I'd focus on finding a relationship before searching for sex.

 

If you find a woman you can relate to who wants to share her life with you, you can experience both.

 

Believe me, I experienced the hazards of going for sex first. It can kill what could have been a great relationship.

I'm sure the vast majority of guys who posted here have female friends already.

Somedude,

I never really had many female friends.

Oh, I had women I tried to date who would say they just wanted to be friends, but they weren't.

 

Like you, I was pretty much a loner through most of my 20s.

Another regret.

 

My job took me town to town, so as I started making friends, would move.

 

Though I dated, wasn't great at it, had a couple of LTRs but was very frustrated.

A blind date was what saved me from being alone in my 30s.

I then asked her out to a real date (first date was a double date) and we went from there..

Edited September 28, 2011 by Floridaman

[TheBigQuestion]

For what it's worth, I share very few viewpoints with the likes of Elysian. However, there is one thing that I'm pretty sure he's 100% correct about: Going to women for advice on how be more successful with women is usually an exercise in futility. Most will only give canned advice that ultimately has no use or meaning. It's kind of like asking a fish how to catch fish. I also don't think that men are in any better position to give advice to women on how to form relationships with men or sleep with them or whatever it is they seek. Your best bet is to ask someone who has been successful. If being a player is what you seek, ask a player how he does it and shadow him for a while. If you want to be in a relationship, find a guy who has been in a long-term relationship, ask him how he keeps it working, and how it all started.

[fortyninethousand322]

For what it's worth, I share very few viewpoints with the likes of Elysian. However, there is one thing that I'm pretty sure he's 100% correct about: Going to women for advice on how be more successful with women is usually an exercise in futility. Most will only give canned advice that ultimately has no use or meaning. It's kind of like asking a fish how to catch fish. I also don't think that men are in any better position to give advice to women on how to form relationships with men or sleep with them or whatever it is they seek. Your best bet is to ask someone who has been successful. If being a player is what you seek, ask a player how he does it and shadow him for a while. If you want to be in a relationship, find a guy who has been in a long-term relationship, ask him how he keeps it working, and how it all started.

 

Twice I've gotten advice from a woman on how best to proceed with a girl I was interested in. Both times things failed miserably. Granted it's only 0/2 and I've been equally bad going it on my own. But still, I tend to agree with you.

[TheBigQuestion]

Twice I've gotten advice from a woman on how best to proceed with a girl I was interested in. Both times things failed miserably. Granted it's only 0/2 and I've been equally bad going it on my own. But still, I tend to agree with you.

 

It's a matter of perspective. Sure, women on this board will find it to be insulting and condescending because honestly, if you Google "hilarious displays of female righteous indignation," LS should ideally be the first search result that pops up. It doesn't change the fact that people in most circumstances do NOT have a thorough understanding of what turns them on and what they value the most in a relationship. Many will just parrot the qualities in a mate that society expects them to value rather than what actually feeds the flames of attraction. There is often a disconnect, if not outright contradiction, between what a woman says she wants, what she thinks she wants, and what she actually wants (the latter of which is a bit more subconscious than the first two).

[Wolf18]

Just a little anecdote, when I lived in a country where prostitution was legal, regulated, and affordable for 6 months, I felt so relieved and not desperate at all. It really is an amazing safety net for those of us (the majority of men) who aren't constantly getting bombarded with woman attention.

 

I had pretty and charming (regardless if it was for money) women that I could have sex with for 50 bucks, it's not long term companionship, but you know what, it healed that crushing feeling I had on the inside that I am a 22 year old man in my prime completely missing out because I was born in the wrong century. Paying for it and getting it isn't worse than not getting anything at all, anyone whose going to argue for this is either a woman or a man who isn't honest.

 

 

Hookers are awesome, period. I didn't have to spend all my time and energy trying to crack the code of getting women to sleep with me and instead was able to be myself, develop interests, and have fun. Any man who is physically or socially unattractive to women ought to visit a country with legal , regulated prostitution, just to see how awesome it is if you don't believe me.

Edited September 29, 2011 by Wolf18

[Floridaman]

There is absolutely no chance that a 55 year old male virgin can be completely content with his life. What kind of shape would your self-esteem be in if you were a 55 virgin?

 

People love to give moral advice while sitting from their throne, but if you were in that situation you would absolutely hate it.

She's not sitting on some throne and providing dictates.

KathyM has some valid points and is certainly entitled to present her ideas here just like anyone else.

 

Did you take what she said as a personal attack against you?

 

I agree with her in that casual sex and visiting prostitutes never helps a guy.

I personally experienced the first of those (2 separate times, my only sex 19-29) so I know firsthand what she's speaking about.

Having casual sex or visiting a prostitute isn't gonna help a lonely single guy and will often leave a guy feeling even more lonely.

[Floridaman]

Twice I've gotten advice from a woman on how best to proceed with a girl I was interested in. Both times things failed miserably. Granted it's only 0/2 and I've been equally bad going it on my own. But still, I tend to agree with you.

In general terms, what did they advise you?

How would you have done better by yourself or if you'd taken another tact?

 

Wish I'd had women friends who could have offered some perspective when I was single.

Listen to them but maybe don't take everything they say as the best things to do, like advice on anything anyone else give you.

[AHardDaysNight]

Some women are very perceptive.

 

It doesn't change that most of them don't know what turns them on. Otherwise, they wouldn't be in so many bad relationships.

[Wolf18]

She's not sitting on some throne and providing dictates.

KathyM has some valid points and is certainly entitled to present her ideas here just like anyone else.

 

Did you take what she said as a personal attack against you?

 

I agree with her in that casual sex and visiting prostitutes never helps a guy.

I personally experienced the first of those (2 separate times, my only sex 19-29) so I know firsthand what she's speaking about.

Having casual sex or visiting a prostitute isn't gonna help a lonely single guy and will often leave a guy feeling even more lonely.

 

 

Men and women are very different physically and emotionally. We both want companionship and friendship, but for men sex is a pressing biological need that is as vital as eating or drinking water.

 

My experiences with prostitutes didn't leave me feeling lonely, but then again I don't feel lonely in general. I have great friends many would envy, am well-liked by many, and luckily have a very loving family, so I suppose my case is different than a guy who is completely socially awkward and has no friends or social interaction.

 

If you have trouble forming relationships with people in general, then yeah, sleeping with a hooker isn't going to solve your problems. But if you're a normal guy whose got everything except a stable sex partner/female attention, then going to a prostitute will do wonders to clear your mind and realize how overrated it all is.

 

In the end, sleeping with a prostitute is no worse than the guys who go out on the town looking to have a one-night stand, only in the former everyone can experience it not just the top 5% of men. Do most men feel lonely after scoring a one night stand? LOL! Get real...

[Floridaman]

Some women are very perceptive.

 

It doesn't change that most of them don't know what turns them on. Otherwise, they wouldn't be in so many bad relationships.

 

Advice from a female or outside perspective could be valuable.

Am thinking more about approaches and dating ideas.

 

Say they don't like the place you took a woman on your first dinner date, a Dairy Queen or Shoney's.

They tell you that kind of venue doesn't impress a woman. Shows you didn't put much effort into the date or were very cheap. Talkin' from experience here (the Shoneys).

[AHardDaysNight]

Advice from a female or outside perspective could be valuable.

Am thinking more about approaches and dating ideas.

 

Say they don't like the place you took a woman on your first dinner date, a Dairy Queen or Shoney's.

They tell you that kind of venue doesn't impress a woman. Shows you didn't put much effort into the date or were very cheap. Talkin' from experience here (the Shoneys).

 

I have mostly female friends, so I take advice from women all the time.

 

The truth is that every girl reacts differently. A girl who loves McDonald's would be fine with a date that went on there. This is compared to someone who's rich who expects no less than $100 to be spent on her dinner during the date.

 

I remember a girl in H.S. 10 years ago. I had a crush on her, and did ask her out, but was rejected (nicely, she had a boyfriend.) The teacher was talking about economical statistics, and made a comparison to a $70 per person dinner date. Most of the class thought that was too expensive, except the girl, who said "That would be a good date."

 

Keep in mind that she came from the rich part of town, was upper class, and even though she was a nice person, she still expected nice things.

[AHardDaysNight]

Also, to expand on the "dinner date", some girls would find it romantic if you just packed a picnic basket and laid out a blanket or sheet for two on the ground.

 

Others who had a bug phobia would freak out over the possibility of being bitten, or having ants crawling on them.

[Hot Chick]

I just read your first post - didn't have time to read through all the responses.

So if this is redundant, so be it.

 

I know a guy who is a real-life 40-year-old virgin. He has a lot of bitterness toward life. I think he would be better off getting a prostitute. I think that would help him release his inner anger and possibly help his social skills issues.

[Floridaman]

Also, to expand on the "dinner date", some girls would find it romantic if you just packed a picnic basket and laid out a blanket or sheet for two on the ground.

 

Others who had a bug phobia would freak out over the possibility of being bitten, or having ants crawling on them.

The reason I mentioned going to "less impressive" restaurants was bec. that's where I often took women on first dates. Was young and didn't have a lot of money. Plus, didn't have much imagination in dating.

A female colleauge noticed that and recommended I "improve" my dating venues for the young lady I was seeing at the time.

 

Later, in my dating in my late 20s, and particularly with my future wife, when I dated a woman long-term, I tried to mix it up and keep it fresh.

Diddn't always go on dinner dates, though our dates, on the weekend, often involved meals. Spent a Sat. together and did fun things.

 

Our first dates involved meeting at a restaurant downtown and walking around the picturesque city.

Wasn't into going into movies as there's little interaction with your date.

So I don't think we went to many films.

 

Went on a picnic with a blanket in a park. Spent the day there.

Took her to an arts and crafts fair or a Renaissance Festival, etc.

 

Try to keep things interesting so the girl doesn't lose interest. Again, know from experience here...

Edited September 29, 2011 by Floridaman

[AHardDaysNight]

Right now, though, I'm not in the place where I should be dating.

 

I am still in college, just switched majors, although I'm halfway through my classes (long story, but I've taken enough of my required classes that I'm 50% through.) I am out of work, live at home with my mom and elderly grandma (who I'm taking care of, when I'm not at school), and don't have much of a social life. I moved out of my apartment, and moved back home, so that I could be closer to my almost 95 year old grandma (who has some memory and physical problems and needs constant care.)

 

I basically have no income, so I can't even buy a burger by myself, let alone an expensive dinner at a good restaurant.

 

I hope this will change soon. I plan to move out within the next year, once I get a job and get more of my college work done. But the bottom line is, right now I am not in the position to "change it up", because I barely have enough money to spend on the new Peter Gabriel or Paul McCartney albums (coming out next month), let alone an expensive dinner date.

[Hot Chick]

Oh OK, you are pretty young. Do NOT let yourself get to be a real-life 40-year old virgin. Like I said, I know a guy like this and it is not pretty.

 

If you get to about age 28 and are still a virgin, that is about the time to invest in the prostitute.

[AHardDaysNight]

Oh OK, you are pretty young. Do NOT let yourself get to be a real-life 40-year old virgin. Like I said, I know a guy like this and it is not pretty.

 

If you get to about age 28 and are still a virgin, that is about the time to invest in the prostitute.

 

Hot Chick, I AM 28. Will be 29 in less than a month.

 

I just am an older college student.

 

Irregardless, prostitution is illegal here, so I don't want to be arrested. Like I've said a million times before. Plus, I want a relationship, and I have no money for a hooker, anyway.

 

If I had money for a hooker, I'd have money for a dinner date!

[Floridaman]

Oh OK, you are pretty young. Do NOT let yourself get to be a real-life 40-year old virgin. Like I said, I know a guy like this and it is not pretty.

 

If you get to about age 28 and are still a virgin, that is about the time to invest in the prostitute.

Seeing a prostitute is never a good idea.

Most feel worse than they did before.

 

So a guy goes to a whore.

All he's done is lose his virginity.

By paying for it.

Big deal.

Anyone can do that.

 

Like he's gonna brag to his children or close friends that he paid a woman???

 

He's still back to Square One.

No relationship. He'll still have all these lonely feelings, like I did in my 20s after a couple of casual sex incidents.

 

The solution is to work on gaining a relationship, not visiting a hooker's bed.

 

If a guy gets with the right woman, he can have a relationship AND great sex.

Edited September 29, 2011 by Floridaman

[Sanman]

Lol, I do have to laugh at the women here who are calling all the guys who visit prostitutes losers. Guys who visit prostitutes are roughly the same demographics and for similar reasons to women who do FWB. Both are easy access to sex for people in a dry spell, who are too busy for a relationship, or who just haven't found anyone in a while. The joke is that you ladies are dating the men who so disgust you. All the guys I know that have admitted to seeing prostitutes are regular guys who have plenty of relationships. A friend of mine visited a hooker after he and his gf broke up since he couldn't find a ONS. I'm sure more guys I know will when I get to that age when you have young kids and your wife does not want to have sex for months. Sometimes guys are already have the relationship and are just looking for sex. The difference is that most guys will simply never tell you that or any of the other things you women don't want to hear. It is just like the fwb or threesome in college you don't want to admit to because you are a 'good girl' to your bf. While I am sure some virgins will lose it to a prostitute, they are usually better equipped to go without sex than guys who have had it before and are used to it. Additionally, most of the virgin guys I know are too good. They are the ones who never drink and always followed the rules. They would never think of breaking the law. The types that would visit a prostitute already banged the drunk girl at the frat party. Think Charlie Sheen or Tucker Max types.

[AHardDaysNight]

^ I agree somewhat, Sanman. Most of the men who aren't "nice guys" or "religious" are out there banging prostitutes.

 

When you think about it, it is quite easy to get to 28 and never been kissed, had sex, or been in a relationship. Girls are scary, man! They're moody, competitive, mean to guys who they view as ugly, they're mean to other girls who might be better than them, they have periods and generally are unstable.

 

That being said, they are beautiful and while flawed, I'd rather date a girl than a guy. I suppose that's why I'm straight, lol!

 

I see two contradictory things being thrown my way. I'm being told that hookers are dirty, and that I shouldn't see a prostitute. Oh wait, I'm almost 30, so I should see a hooker...but you wouldn't date me afterwards. So am I relationship material as a virgin, or after I see a hooker?

 

It's really confusing reading these responses. Half of you are divided on whether or not a 30 year old virgin should see a hooker, or even whether it is healthy to even see a hooker!

[Wolf18]

Seeing a prostitute is never a good idea.

Most feel worse than they did before.

 

So a guy goes to a whore.

All he's done is lose his virginity.

By paying for it.

Big deal.

Anyone can do that.

 

Like he's gonna brag to his children or close friends that he paid a woman???

 

He's still back to Square One.

No relationship. He'll still have all these lonely feelings, like I did in my 20s after a couple of casual sex incidents.

 

The solution is to work on gaining a relationship, not visiting a hooker's bed.

 

If a guy gets with the right woman, he can have a relationship AND great sex.

 

I think you'd feel lousy if your sex life is about being able to brag to your friends rather than actually being satisfied.

 

I could care less what the world thinks of my sexual activities. I practice a normally christian sexual life (IE I think things like sodomy are disgusting) and sometimes when I'm having a dry spell and there's no women interested in me I will sleep with a hooker.

 

IF you want to impress your buddies just do what most guys do: make **** up.

 

Lol, I do have to laugh at the women here who are calling all the guys who visit prostitutes losers. Guys who visit prostitutes are roughly the same demographics and for similar reasons to women who do FWB. Both are easy access to sex for people in a dry spell, who are too busy for a relationship, or who just haven't found anyone in a while. The joke is that you ladies are dating the men who so disgust you. All the guys I know that have admitted to seeing prostitutes are regular guys who have plenty of relationships. A friend of mine visited a hooker after he and his gf broke up since he couldn't find a ONS. I'm sure more guys I know will when I get to that age when you have young kids and your wife does not want to have sex for months. Sometimes guys are already have the relationship and are just looking for sex. The difference is that most guys will simply never tell you that or any of the other things you women don't want to hear. It is just like the fwb or threesome in college you don't want to admit to because you are a 'good girl' to your bf. While I am sure some virgins will lose it to a prostitute, they are usually better equipped to go without sex than guys who have had it before and are used to it. Additionally, most of the virgin guys I know are too good. They are the ones who never drink and always followed the rules. They would never think of breaking the law. The types that would visit a prostitute already banged the drunk girl at the frat party. Think Charlie Sheen or Tucker Max types. [/Quote]

 

So true. The guys who respect women the least are those "life of the party" types that just want to have fun and women are all chasing. Prostitution is used by all demographics though, popular guys, disabled guys, unpopular guys, ugly guys, etc.

 

Women tell us how wrong it is to judge a woman by her past, but it's ok to judge us for ours. Sometimes women will judge a man even for his LACK of a past. The idea of a woman becomming my girlfriend having sex with another man, no matter how long ago it was, is always disgusting to me, yet I don't judge them for it. And yes, women do some pretty despicable things when they're unsupervised, stuff that would make even the most avid whoremongerer blush.

[Mangomonkey]

17 pages strong. wow. What kind of thread did i make.. At the very least its an eye opener. Somewhat. not really.. oh well

[AHardDaysNight]

Wolf, while I disagree with you on many aspects, I do agree with you on this:

 

Women tell us how wrong it is to judge a woman by her past, but it's ok to judge us for ours. Sometimes women will judge a man even for his LACK of a past.

 

Let's say the roles were reversed. A girl reveals that she's a virgin to her boyfriend, and he dumps her. She comes on here and cries all about how she was unfairly judged.

 

How many women would call the man names, or say that he shouldn't have dumped her? How many would have blamed the victim (the woman virgin?)

 

There are more older male virgins than female virgins, so my scenario is unlikely to play out. But let's just say it happened. Would the female virgin be the victim, or would the boyfriend who dumped her be the victim?

 

Let's reverse it again. Let's say that an older virgin tells his girlfriend he's a virgin, she dumps him, and he comes on here and complains about it?

 

How many instances have we seen, even in the past week, about the bitterness that men experience over this? How can you state that things are equal?

 

Feminism, my ass. I am all for equal rights, but they should be equal.

[OnyxSnowfall]

The joke is that you ladies are dating the men who so disgust you.

 

Ehh... I highly doubt this.

 

A friend of mine visited a hooker after he and his gf broke up since he couldn't find a ONS.

 

So they broke up because he couldn't find a ONS? Wow, she let a catch get away (I'm being snarky... I get what you were trying to convey but... the catch part still applies).

 

It is just like the fwb or threesome in college you don't want to admit to because you are a 'good girl' to your bf.

 

My boyfriend knows my dark side... past and present. I prefer finding out SOONER rather than later if someone can accept me... and I prefer finding out if I can accept someone sooner rather than later, too. It's in both of our best interests to know. I value openness and honesty, at times to my own detriment. It is what it is.

 

Additionally, most of the virgin guys I know are too good. They are the ones who never drink and always followed the rules. They would never think of breaking the law.

 

Too good? Really?

[OnyxSnowfall]

Women tell us how wrong it is to judge a woman by her past, but it's ok to judge us for ours. Sometimes women will judge a man even for his LACK of a past. The idea of a woman becomming my girlfriend having sex with another man, no matter how long ago it was, is always disgusting to me, yet I don't judge them for it. And yes, women do some pretty despicable things when they're unsupervised, stuff that would make even the most avid whoremongerer blush.

 

Heh you have a point.

 

It's unfair... so by all means, judge a woman based on her past... if it truly matters to you. Or wait until you encounter a woman who can reciprocate your ability to remain nonjudgmental to the past.