Your view on male virginity vs male use of prostitution

[AHardDaysNight]

Charlie Sheen pisses me off. If that's what it takes to be a successful dating man, I'd rather be a virgin.

 

Teen sexbunnies or not!

[KathyM]

Responding to this since it was unfortunately quoted again by someone else:

 

 

 

No, funny how it DOESN'T work. Funny considering how women claim to care about emotions, and do care about emotions inside their own mind, but go after the players that use them for sex. "Making a real emotional connection with a girl" = loser who will be alone.

That's not true. Most women do want an emotional connection. They don't want to be used. They want to be valued and feel loved. They don't want to feel like they've been used.

[Cracker Jack]

Well, it's definately not healthy to see one, that's for sure. You are risking your health if you go to them. It's not worth it. And as far as if women would date you if they knew you were a virgin, all of the women I know would not hold that against you. They would think you were saving yourself for someone special. All of them would never give you the time of day if you ever did see one. Most women would be repulsed if they knew you did that, and would think you were likely diseased and pathetic. You seem like a nice guy. Don't lower yourself to that level.

 

Honestly, I'd never go for a prostitute. I just can never see myself doing it, but I can understand why some resort to it.

 

Anyway, to my Q: wouldn't the bold apply to a guy who's sexually inexperienced, too? Maybe not "repulsed", but perhaps weirded out? I'm sure seeing a prostitute would disgust them more, but I think it's tough either way.

[LynnieBear]

Responding to this since it was unfortunately quoted again by someone else:

 

 

 

No, funny how it DOESN'T work. Funny considering how women claim to care about emotions, and do care about emotions inside their own mind, but go after the players that use them for sex. "Making a real emotional connection with a girl" = loser who will be alone.

 

Caring about emotions doesn't mean we don't care about your face and if we don't want to look at it, no amount of emotions is going to help.

 

What I mean is, the "players" tend to be attractive. The less a man cares about his appearance, the more he cares about emotion. The second a good looking guy knows he is good looking, he turns into a player because he can. Women let them get away with it.

 

I would be about safe to bet there are far more girls men are attracted to than men girls are attracted to. I'm sorry, but the majority of you are ugly.

 

Repeating what I said earlier, only in a different way.

 

No amount of emotion is going to fix your bear gut, or balding head. Get hair plugs and lose some weight and then maybe emotion can come into play.

 

Being a "nice/good guy" is no excuse to "let yourself go".

 

Being an "attractive guy" is no excuse to be a player.

 

Women don't have the distinction, because most women care about their appearances. It's the difference between the sexes.

[LynnieBear]

Because when a woman "primps" it's actually because she enjoys it. The better looking a guy dresses or tries to make himself appear, the more he just cares about himself, his "reputation" and "getting laid" etc.

 

Men don't enjoy primping like women do. For women, this is just something we do. Not every woman, no, but just like not every guy is a "player, hot guy" not every girl cares that much about primping.

 

Most girls do, though. Just like most guys don't.

 

It's not attractive to look at for us females.

[LynnieBear]

It's very rare to find a good looking, "nice guy".

[LynnieBear]

I mean, because, when thrown 18 million females, it tends to go to guy's heads. This doesn't happen with girls. That's why you see girls getting 18,000 messages and only responding to maybe, 2 or 3 of those (I'm speaking extremes here).

 

If men were thrown 18,000 willing participants for sex, they'd jump on it in a hear beat. Girls aren't this... horny. Or that attracted.

 

I believe it's this way for a reason.

 

The world would be WAY more overpopulated than it already is if this weren't the case. And people would stop finding "the one" and getting married, because they'd be able to get anything they want. Or anyone they wanted.

 

Girls are pickier because guys are uglier.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Girls are pickier because guys are uglier.

 

is simply quackers.

[In A Rut]

I'd say women are far more attractive then men, but that's because I'm attracted to women, not men. Also I'd be amazed if Lynnie Bear isn't a troll of some sort.

 

If this thread has shown me one thing is that people participating in this take things way too seriously. Visiting a prostitute is not the worst thing in the world. I wouldn't visit one because I'm frightened of catching a cold, nevermind catching a sexual transmitted disease especially the ones that show no symptoms. I'm a virgin and it doesn't bother me, I don't think it's important and it doesn't define who I am, so I am not going to declare that I have yet to enjoy hot passionate sex with a woman because I don't feel that's important, just as I don't expect a woman I get with to discuss her sexual history with me, it's none of my business. As long as she is STD free that's all I'm worried about.

 

I'd like a relationship with a good women and if a man is jaded and bitter then he should visit this forum because women like KathyM and Disenchantedly Yours are women that are good women and no man or woman should ever let a few rotten apples sour the apple cart. There's lots of brilliant women in this world, you just have to get out there and find one. There's no reason why men like me, Somedude81 and a AHardDaysNight (Rolling Stones are better btw) can't find a good woman. You just have to have a fun attitude to causal dating and you just have to not take life too seriously. You only live once, so make the most of it. You never know how long you have on this planet so just seize the opportunities that present themselves to you.

[OnyxSnowfall]

I didn't mean to suggest that you did so immediately, but rather that he initiated physical interest in some way and maybe tried to have sex and waited if you preferred otherwise? What if he didn't try to initiate contact like many of these guys do thinking that getting to know you as a friend is the way to go?

 

If he didn't show any kind of physical interest, I would have lost interest yes. But I don't think he would have made any kind of move if I hadn't indicated I wanted him to by touching him and letting him know I was interested in more first.

 

The very first time we touched, which could have been construed as simply "friendly" by others, is when I hugged him... although very closely and somewhat tightly. If he had pulled away from that, or if he had ended it quickly, rather than settling into it and brushing my hair aside gently before complimenting me... then yeah, I probably wouldn't have felt like he was truly interested (unless I detected he was nervous... I probably would have translated that into interest). He played with my hands lightly afterwards too, but it didn't escalate into further exploration / anything sexual...

 

many months later, I crawled up on his lap and wrapped around him randomly and that's when he first kissed me. Everything after that involved us both taking turns at quelling some of the heavier make-out sessions and the like (we had agreed to wait until we knew one another before becoming intimate / until I felt we both loved one another)... buuuut, that was long after our attraction towards one another had been exceedingly clear... would have been hard to confuse the rotating cessations as any kind of rejection on either of our parts.

 

I think there are many women who want to be heavily pursued / chased... but I confessed my attraction to my current lover first, all the reasons surrounding it... and touched him after he was aware of my developing feelings towards him before he ever made any move or verbal statement that he was romantically attracted to me too.

 

If a man is not responding to a woman's touch at all, of whom he is actually interested in being touched by and with whom he desires to touch (at least potentially in the future), then I don't think it's wise to withdraw completely. Some indication should be made... and then if the man wants to hold out, there should be communication regarding expectations / hopes / boundaries etc...

 

But, I don't think it's necessary for a man to always have to make the move first. Shrug. It depends on what they're looking for.

 

...boils down to who you want to be with and who you really are.

 

Playing games and lying are counter-productive to those ends.

 

IF you're just trying to get someone into bed, and there is no after-thought of how compatible you two are in other aspects etc --- I guess go right ahead... but it's still sleezy.

 

If you want to end up with someone who has good character and or someone who will be a good fit for you, I do think it's best to uphold your own character and truth. So what if the majority isn't intrigued --- perhaps majority doesn't have good values / wouldn't fit well with you etc anyway.

 

Vying for sexual encounters and a relationship that will include (hopefully near life-long / long-term) ones do indeed involve varying and separate tactics though...

Edited September 29, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall

[ChessPieceFace]

That's not true. Most women do want an emotional connection. They don't want to be used. They want to be valued and feel loved. They don't want to feel like they've been used.

 

Of course they "want" that. But the confident player who knows the tricks of manipulation will win 98 or 99 times out of 100. And why? Because women don't care how men feel, they only care how men make THEM feel. Thus, the only important part of the emotional connection is one-sided, woman to man. How the "successful" men usually achieve this emotional state in the woman is through acting like the confident alpha male, and most of those guys are also the pigs I mentioned.

 

I'm sorry reality flies in the face of your noble beliefs about your own motivations. It's not an easy thing to realize that your behavior is being driven by primal instincts and that what you believe about yourself isn't true. I don't expect you to agree. Most women never will see the truth in what I'm saying.

 

Caring about emotions doesn't mean we don't care about your face and if we don't want to look at it, no amount of emotions is going to help.

 

Hilarious. Actually you're also wrong here, since plenty of ugly guys get women, they just have to be better players/manipulators. Additionally, I'm not unattractive. So stop assuming things you can't possibly know about individuals on the net, makes you look foolish.

 

What I mean is, the "players" tend to be attractive. The less a man cares about his appearance, the more he cares about emotion.

 

Almost had it right, then you took a hard left at the end. Try "the less a man WORRIES about his appearance, the more confident he feels and thus the better player he can be."

 

The second a good looking guy knows he is good looking, he turns into a player because he can. Women let them get away with it.

 

Also nonsense. All good looking men are players? What a laugh. There's plenty of good looking men that don't have a clue about women and have little or no success as a result.

 

I'm good looking enough to have had a few girls in my life fawning over me, and I sabotaged it every time because almost all of my actions and my personality are the exact opposite of a player. I actually read a note some girl passed to another girl in high school about me, saying I was "really hot." My total lack of self-esteem still has trouble believing that that happened but yep, it did! So, get a clue please.

 

I would be about safe to bet there are far more girls men are attracted to than men girls are attracted to. I'm sorry, but the majority of you are ugly.

 

More hilarity. Again you're right about the first part and terribly wrong about the conclusion. Men are attracted to a wide variety of women, though some "hot" women have a much easier time. It seems physical attractiveness does have enough variety for most women (and men) to have a decent chance in that respect. The REASON most of the women in a room will be swooning over a few guys in that room is NOT looks, it is that those few guys are alpha males. Has very little to do with looks. Has everything to do with the base, animal qualities guiding their confidence and personality.

 

No amount of emotion is going to fix your bear gut, or balding head. Get hair plugs and lose some weight and then maybe emotion can come into play.

 

LOL. So far from the truth. Also reported.

Edited September 29, 2011 by ChessPieceFace

[irc333]

That all depends, there are some higher class women that use prostition seasonally , fly to vegas, for some extra money on the side.

 

And go back to their accounting job or whatever when they're done.

 

I've seen interviews done on MSNBC where average, straight of the mill dot his

 

 

Prostitution: after volunteering with some inner city charities, I think there is a lot of harm in using a prostitute. Often these women, and men, are in low socioeconomic classes, and can be dealing with mental/emotional/addiction problems. As for as how I view a man who uses a prostitute, I don't really understand it, but I'm not really familiar with people who do (or that I know of). I don't want to judge harshly, but I certainly don't think highly of it.

 

 

Virgin: definitely admirable, although, not the type of relationship I would seek out, yet wouldn't shun it. Being that my sexual experience is greater than one, and even a few more beyond that , I might personally find it uncomfortable.

[Sanman]

That's not true. Most women do want an emotional connection. They don't want to be used. They want to be valued and feel loved. They don't want to feel like they've been used.

 

See, now this is an assumption I disagree with. All of those women having fwb relationships and ONS are looking for emotional connections at that moment? That seems counter-intuitive to me. Perhaps they just want sex with a willing and easily accessible partner. But then they would also be disgusting and immoral people who should not date. You make it seem as if all women are so chaste and honest. From my experience women like you and Onyx are not the average woman.

[AHardDaysNight]

If I met a woman who appreciated men for who they are, not what they want them to be, I'd be the richest man in the world.

 

Oh, and In A Rut, I like the Stones, too. Got all of their albums. I prefer The Beatles, though. Also like The Who and The Beach Boys a lot, too.

[Eeyore79]

Yeah, but you can't disagree that women have come on here and thought about or have dumped virgin men.

 

I would argue that a woman who cares so much about your virginity obviously doesn't value you as a person. I have previously been in an LTR with a virgin, and his virginity was never an issue, though he seemed quite worried about it. A mature woman who likes you as a person shouldn't be bothered by your virginity.

 

Worry not. I've already taken myself out of the dating market, so no worries. No woman will have to be saddled with my sorry self.

I really think this is an excessive response to virginity which, as I have said, really isn't such a huge issue as people make it out to be.

 

I see two contradictory things being thrown my way. I'm being told that hookers are dirty, and that I shouldn't see a prostitute. Oh wait, I'm almost 30, so I should see a hooker...but you wouldn't date me afterwards. So am I relationship material as a virgin, or after I see a hooker?

 

I think it depends on the woman. Some women won't want to date a virgin - others, like myself, wouldn't mind in the slightest. Some women wouldn't care if a guy had slept around and been with hookers - while others, like myself, would prefer a decent clean guy who only had sex within the context of a relationship. Personally I'd prefer a virgin to a guy who had been with hookers. But you should do what suits you and your personality - maybe think about what type of woman you'd want to attract and whether she'd be the type of girl who'd prefer a virgin or a guy who uses hookers.

 

He's still back to Square One.

No relationship. He'll still have all these lonely feelings, like I did in my 20s after a couple of casual sex incidents.

 

The solution is to work on gaining a relationship, not visiting a hooker's bed.

I have to agree with this. Losing your virginity won't help with finding and sustaining a relationship, which I think is what most people really want. A better approach is probably to work on improving your relationship skills, improving yourself, and finding a girlfriend.

 

The joke is that you ladies are dating the men who so disgust you. All the guys I know that have admitted to seeing prostitutes are regular guys who have plenty of relationships.

So basically you're saying that men are liars who deceive their girlfriends, who wouldn't want to date them if they knew the truth? And this reflects badly on women how? You seem to be saying that men are lying douchebags and innocent women are being taken in by their lies.

 

I'm sure more guys I know will when I get to that age when you have young kids and your wife does not want to have sex for months. Sometimes guys are already have the relationship and are just looking for sex.

If a guy has sex with a hooker because his wife isn't up for it right after giving birth to his child, then he is a complete douchebag who obviously doesn't love his wife. In this situation we should pity the wife and hope she finds out and dumps his cheating ass. This is not the sort of thing that most normal decent guys do.

[Wolf18]

Girls are pickier because guys are uglier.

 

 

Men are uglier than women because women are neurotic.

 

Red haired women can be hot, red-haired men cannot. Asian women can be considered attractive, Asian men cannot. Short women are beautiful and cute, shorter than average men are hideous deformities.

 

Women get affirmitive action beauty, if you were held to the same standards as men you'd all be ugly too. But luckily for you, men are too horny to care.

[AHardDaysNight]

Very true, Wolf. There just seems to be only one "type" of good looking man.

 

There are many types of good looking women.

[Wolf18]

The result of the selective breeding the women of hundreds of thousands of years did for so long; our bodies are 200.000 years old, and women are still attracted to the men their great-great-great-grandmothers were crazy about .

 

I have good news for you. You are not going to return to a hunter's body, but you can imitate their aggressiveness and their self-centered love and narcissism. Women eat that **** up, bro!

 

You know, I've heard all the evolutionary biology arguments and still think they're nonesense. The truth is, men used to pick women and women could either love it....or love it . Whether through intelligence, brute force, or a combination of these, the men who rose above other men got to bring the women back as trophies, that's really all they are.

 

I don't think women are like this because they can't help it, I think they are like this because they feel entitled. Myself as a man could easily be fixated on the leggy blonde d-cup women they claim we want, but I'm able to find a variety of women attractive.

 

Woman put up mental blocks and train themselves to associate red-hair with "EWWW" or being 5'7 as "GROSS", they want to keep their eyes on the prize and be the envy of all other women. It's about vanity really . They think attraction is all about their sexual fetish for guys that look like they're from a romance novel.

[In A Rut]

Very true, Wolf. There just seems to be only one "type" of good looking man.

 

There are many types of good looking women.

 

Most women are average looking, what makes them look better is comestics and plastic surgery.

 

Take make up off of a woman, fake tan, extensions and adds on and you're left with an average woman.

 

Men don't have the luxury of foundation, mascara. Have you ever seen a natural looking Halle Berry or Cameron Diaz?

[In A Rut]

 

Woman put up mental blocks and train themselves to associate red-hair with "EWWW" or being 5'7 as "GROSS", they want to keep their eyes on the prize and be the envy of all other women. It's about vanity really . They think attraction is all about their sexual fetish for guys that look like they're from a romance novel.

 

I'm 5'5 and I attract women.

 

Height is only a problem to other people, it's not a problem for me and women reject me because of it, oh well plenty more fish in the sea. I love being my height and wouldn't swap it for the world.

[Wolf18]

That's another thing ^ . Women have nothing to brag about ,all their beauty is artificial.

 

If I could wear make up, stuff socks down my pants, wear padded shirts (to make me look more muscular) and platform shoes I'd be a 10 out of 10 too. Women judge us on an even harsher physical criteria than we judge them, yet they get to cheat.

[Wolf18]

I'm 5'5 and I attract women.

 

Height is only a problem to other people, it's not a problem for me and women reject me because of it, oh well plenty more fish in the sea. I love being my height and wouldn't swap it for the world.

 

 

You must be very $$pecial then.

 

I agree it shouldn't be a problem, but if youre going to say the vast majority of women don't care then you're wrong. They might "tolerate" it to an extent if you have some amazing talent, they are morbidly obese, or you have lot of money, but even then they will never fully accept you for you.

[Calutaxi484]

I'm 5'5 and I attract women.

 

Height is only a problem to other people, it's not a problem for me and women reject me because of it, oh well plenty more fish in the sea. I love being my height and wouldn't swap it for the world.

 

Haha yeah I feel the same way! I'm 5'7 which isn't tall for a guy, but I don't see it as a problem either.

 

On the original topic I don't think guy virginity really even matters. A lot of guys here definitely put too much stock into worrying about it. It's a whole different animal for a woman losing her virginity.

[KathyM]

Honestly, I'd never go for a prostitute. I just can never see myself doing it, but I can understand why some resort to it.

 

Anyway, to my Q: wouldn't the bold apply to a guy who's sexually inexperienced, too? Maybe not "repulsed", but perhaps weirded out? I'm sure seeing a prostitute would disgust them more, but I think it's tough either way.

It's all in how you present it, dear boy. If you are apologetic and acting like no one has ever been interested in you, then they'll start to wonder. If you present it that you have never met the right woman to take it to that level, and you consider sex to be an act of love, then I venture to say most women would find that very endearing and worthy of respect. Of course, you would have to back up that philosophy with your actions, and hold out that aspect of your relationship until you did love the person.

[In A Rut]

That's another thing ^ . Women have nothing to brag about ,all their beauty is artificial.

 

If I could wear make up, stuff socks down my pants, wear padded shirts (to make me look more muscular) and platform shoes I'd be a 10 out of 10 too. Women judge us on an even harsher physical criteria than we judge them, yet they get to cheat.

 

Why do you care about all of this? I think you're wasting your time obsessing over women. Why not just live your life independently of women if you have such a problem with them?

 

Why not accept that there are bad women and good women in this world? Too many men waste their lives obsessing over women, trying to figure them out, trying to second their every move, trying to control and manipulate them and whatever else. Why not just appreciate women? I don't mean treat them as Princesses or someone special, just treat them as human beings.

 

Rather than trying to understand what women want and how they behave, I'd rather focus on what I want and how I behave. My life is about me and I am content on being single and I enjoy being able to improve myself, learn and discover new things about myself and learn new things about the world and life and I don't need a woman for that. If I end up with a woman it's because I want to be with her, not because I feel the need to be with her to complete me, I am already complete.