Your view on male virginity vs male use of prostitution

[Floridaman]

This person is still defending her "honor" and her "choices"... but more relevantly --- "prostitution". It's a little wee bit different than the melody you're choosing to sing for her...

 

Did you not read this:

 

"There is nothing wrong with buying or selling sex, as long as both parties approach it with the right mentality involving both mutual respect, and leaving strong emotions at the door [which doesn't define most of prostitution anyway --- and the detached outlook can be extremely damaging as well]. . . . The only thing wrong with it, is that it doesn't sit well with some people"

 

Regardless, you don't know what type of life they're truly leading now... but that's even besides the point...

Good point, OnyxSnowfall.

Should have read her long posting more closely.

 

You're saying she's changed. Maybe she is no longer engaging in prostitution, but when she comes on here to defend and promote it, then her attitude about it has not changed. I'm judging the behavior as being destructive to people. And not being remorseful about it and justifying it does not make me feel respect for the person. I saw first hand the damage done to a marriage through a prostitute. The man I interviewed for the research project I did, the husband of a woman I am friends with, gave me an insight and perspective that made it more real.

Okay, Kathy, will defer to you. You're right. She's still defending it.

Sorry.

 

Read the other post she started, where she's dating a culturally and religiously conservative Jew in her college class (an unlikely potential dating partner) so assumed she had changed or left that field.

Curious if the guy she's with knows of her past... and how he reacted.

 

Maybe the eternal optimist in me wants things to be better and can see value in someone who genuinely changes.

[fortyninethousand322]

That's basically what I meant. By being open to hookup's, doesn't mean that one is no longer open to having a relationship.

 

Look at it this way. If I really wanted to, I could learn Pick Up, start going to bars or clubs and maybe get some one night stands from random girls. I could do that in addition to my quest to find a girlfriend.

 

But the issue is that I have no desire to have sex with strange women. Although doing so could probably get me some experience with women and maybe I'd end up getting a girlfriend in the process.

 

Yup that pretty much sums it up for me too. I posted as much in a thread a few weeks ago (or maybe it was a thread I started, I can't remember now). And isn't that the tragedy of it? Like, we're the guys who actually WANT relationships and not just play women and yet we're the ones who have the biggest obstacles in actually doing so (and in fact our stubborn preference for relationships seems to be a liability rather than an asset). It's extremely depressing and actually feeds into the bitterness I sometimes feel.

 

But, if MrLonelyOne's post is accurate (which I suspect it is) I guess I really have to assess whether or not I should open myself up to other stuff and stop being so picky. It's just hard to get myself to want casual sex and casual relationships. I feel like I'd just be sort of an empty shell doing so.

[somedude81]

There's actually going to be a PU lair meeting in my town tonight and I'm deciding if I want to go or not.

 

Honestly I don't. But it may be something that I should just do.

 

How the hell did wanting to be in a relationship turn into a liability, sigh.

 

I guess it all boils down to, beggars can't be choosers.

[Floridaman]

I have no desire to have sex with strange women. Although doing so could probably get me some experience with women and maybe I'd end up getting a girlfriend in the process.

I wouldn't count on that.

 

Good relationships aren't based on sex.

 

As you're not a player, you'll likely won't do well in that venue

(talkin' from experience here).

Women who meet and have sex with lots of guys at the bars generally aren't the type of women you (or I) would do well with, anyway.

 

Q:

How did those experiences with escorts feel?

Did you leave feeling better, like you were loved?

Or that you were now a "man" bec. you weren't a virgin anymore?

 

 

SomeDude, it's not that I'm unsympathetic, but believe you CAN find that relationship you want if you put more effort into it -- and go into it with the right motives.

Edited October 20, 2011 by Floridaman

[somedude81]

I wouldn't count on that.

 

Good relationships aren't based on sex.

Though actually getting some sex is better than nothing. Also I could learn how to communicate with women in way that they respond to. And hopefully use that on women I'd actually want to date. Instead of getting turned down by those women.

 

As you're not a player, you'll likely won't do well in that venue

(talkin' from experience here).

The whole point is to learn how to be a player. Doing so could only help me with the girls I really want. At least I hope so.

 

Women who meet and have sex with lots of guys at the bars generally aren't the type of women you (or I) would do well with, anyway.

I wouldn't imagine any sort of a future with them.

SomeDude, it's not that I'm unsympathetic, but believe you CAN find that relationship you want if you put more effort into it.

I've put in tons of effort and I've gotten nothing. I'm 30 years old and shouldn't be in this situation

 

I've gotten to the point that it's so bad I'm considering suicide.

 

I figure it's better to try everything else first.

[somedude81]

You've got to be serious? I don't think you need a woman half as much as you need counselling.

Been there, done that.

 

Please see my thread

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=289781

 

If you want to discuss that issue further.

[Floridaman]

Though actually getting some sex is better than nothing. Also I could learn how to communicate with women in way that they respond to. And hopefully use that on women I'd actually want to date. Instead of getting turned down by those women.

 

The whole point is to learn how to be a player. Doing so could only help me with the girls I really want. At least I hope so.

 

Originally Posted by Floridaman

Women who meet and have sex with lots of guys at the bars generally aren't the type of women you (or I) would do well with, anyway.

I wouldn't imagine any sort of a future with them.

Then why waste your time with them?

 

Originally Posted by Floridaman

SomeDude, it's not that I'm unsympathetic, but believe you CAN find that relationship you want if you put more effort into it.

I've put in tons of effort and I've gotten nothing. I'm 30 years old and shouldn't be in this situation

 

I've gotten to the point that it's so bad I'm considering suicide.

 

I figure it's better to try everything else first.

That's not good, Somedude.

You don't need to consider that.

 

Let me put you on the spot:

How did your earlier experiences make you feel?

You've posted how you lost your virginity in non-committed, casual sex.

(You posted the situation, but may not want to reveal it here).

 

Did you leave feeling better, like you were loved?

 

What did that accomplish other than end your virginity?

 

 

Wouldn't you rather experience a real relationship with a loving woman?

They're out there, SomeDude, as I've related.

 

I dated older virgin and less-experienced women when I was 28-30, as I posted.

These weren't homely girls. There wasn't anything wrong with them.

Some may have been shy and unlucky at love like me (and you),

but they were attractive and good women.

 

You just need to look for these women in the right places, like at

-religious and other singles groups,

-online dating,

-civic groups,

-professional functions

-through social activities you get involved in with your friends.

 

Can't emphasize the importance of being more social and doing things with friends and coworkers.

One of your guy friends one time brings a sister, a female friend or cousin who you might be able to date, or he knows a woman he thinks might be good for you to meet.

 

Or a new woman starts attending that church singles group and meets the group for lunch afterward. That gives you the opportunity to talk with her...

 

That's how I met a woman I dated in my late 20s, at an after-work group get together at a restaurant one night. One of my female colleagues brought a friend... We dated 3 mos. Of course, she dumped me, as always, but still, I got lots of dating and kissing out of it...

 

The woman I married, met her through a blind date set-up by a mutual friend

WHEN I WAS 30 !!!

 

So I definitely know how you feel. I too tried the bar scene. Big mistake.

 

Please focus more on the relationship over the sex. You will do better that way.

Edited October 20, 2011 by Floridaman

[somedude81]

Then why waste your time with them?

My previous post explained that.

That's not good, Somedude.

You don't need to consider that.

Actually, it's more like contemplating than considering. Though it is still a thought in the back of my mind that pops up every now and then.

Let me put you on the spot:

How did your earlier experiences make you feel?

You've posted how you lost your virginity in non-committed, casual sex.

(You posted the situation, but may not want to reveal it here).

 

Did you leave feeling better, like you were loved?

 

What did that accomplish other than end your virginity?

I've never had casual sex.

 

What I've done was scrapping the bottom of the barrel to get sex when I was desperate for it.

 

Getting casual sex with a girl I was at least attracted to would have been 1,000 times better.

Wouldn't you rather experience a real relationship with a loving woman?

I hope you know how insultingly obvious that question is. Right now I'm extremely angry because of the whole girl issue, but I'll be nice and just say, "yes."

 

 

 

They're out there, SomeDude, as I've related.

I dated older virgin and less-experienced women when I was 28-30, as I posted.

These weren't homely girls. True, some may have been shy and unlucky at love like me (and you), but they were attractive and good women. Not "leftovers" (okay, one had been engaged earlier).

That doesn't do me any good. I don't care how inexperienced a girl is.

 

You just need to look for these women in the right places, like at

-religious and other singles groups,

-online dating,

-civic groups,

-professional functions

-through social activities you get involved in with your friends.

 

 

Can't emphasize the importance of being more social.

One of your guy friends one time brings a sister, a female friend or cousin who you might be able to date, or he knows a woman he thinks might be good for you to meet.

 

Or a new woman starts attending that church singles group and meets the group for lunch afterward.

 

That's how I met a woman I dated in my late 20s, at an after-work group get together at a restaurant one night. One of my female colleagues brought a friend... We dated 3 mos. Of course, she dumped me, as always, but still, I got lots of dating and kissing out of it...

 

The woman I married, it was on a blind date set-up by a mutual friend.

 

Please focus more on the relationship over the sex. You will do better that way.

Meeting women is not my issue.

 

Getting them to want to be more than my friend is.

 

And no, my choices are not relationship or sex. Right now I have nothing, I don't have a choice to make.

[Mrlonelyone]

49322 and sumdude

 

Playing the game starts before you sleep with the woman. Look for a woman who is interested and possibly vulnerable in some way amd take advantage. Look for a woman who's just argued with her BF and when BF isn't around DO NOT talk to her about it like a friend come on to her. Look for a woman who's father just died and offer to be her daddy and give her a spanking! We see women come here and report on how prince charming played them, even when they were told they were getting played every single day. Men who are just about that forward with them and they respond to it.

 

That's the problem you are looking for a girlfriend. Don't. It hasn't worked for you. At your age relationships are never really all that good and are almost always based on raw animal sexuality.

 

When you are under 25 the kind of relationships you are looking for just don't happen that much. Now when you are more like 35 by that point you will be good relationship matterial, but will you be bitter about not having had fun and having to clean up the life of a well worn woman? Probably.

 

For your long term mental health stop trying to be Mr. Relationship. Forget about having a relationship so much and just hit on all the women that interest you.

 

I know many people hate to hear this BUT IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT PROBABILITY AND STATISTICS...IT REALL IS A NUMBERS GAME. The guys who get laid aren't doing so because they are so smooth, more than likely they get turned down most of the time. They just ask and ask and ask different women out, and get in their pants.

 

Now keep on pining for a RLship it will not happen the way you want it to until you are much older. Young women these days have no reason to hang it up and get serious with anyone until they think that if they wait too much longer they won't be able to have a marriage and children. (The social pressure to do so dose not kick in until close to 30 now a days.)

 

TL;DR Love is a battlefield. As a man who's into women live by this maxim from Nguyen Van Thieu: Don't listen to what the <s>Communists</s> women say, but look at what they do.

Edited October 20, 2011 by Mrlonelyone

[AHardDaysNight]

If I had to resort to manipulating women, I've lost everything that I respect about me being a man.

[Mrlonelyone]

On some level women want to be manipulated a little.

 

Good girls aren't supposed to want sex....even the biggest slut...the town bicycle want's to think she's a good girl. (I hear them talk when they think no one with a Y chromosome is around trust me.)

 

So when you are coming onto the woman who just argued with her BF she can blame her cheating on the bastard that tricked her into giving him a BJ in the parking lot of Denny's.

 

So when you are offering to spank the woman who's father's funeral she just attended... she can blame her sexual "mistake" on the bastard who tricked her into bed.

 

For as sexually charged as society is...it still stigmatizes women who admit openly to just being horny and wanting to 4uck in order to blow off steam or for the sheer joy of sex. Some women go out and get drunk and have one niters just to give themselves some cover..."their not a slut they were drunk and he took advantage."

[fortyninethousand322]

49322 and sumdude

 

Playing the game starts before you sleep with the woman. Look for a woman who is interested and possibly vulnerable in some way amd take advantage. Look for a woman who's just argued with her BF and when BF isn't around DO NOT talk to her about it like a friend come on to her. Look for a woman who's father just died and offer to be her daddy and give her a spanking! We see women come here and report on how prince charming played them, even when they were told they were getting played every single day. Men who are just about that forward with them and they respond to it.

 

That's the problem you are looking for a girlfriend. Don't. It hasn't worked for you. At your age relationships are never really all that good and are almost always based on raw animal sexuality.

 

When you are under 25 the kind of relationships you are looking for just don't happen that much. Now when you are more like 35 by that point you will be good relationship matterial, but will you be bitter about not having had fun and having to clean up the life of a well worn woman? Probably.

 

For your long term mental health stop trying to be Mr. Relationship. Forget about having a relationship so much and just hit on all the women that interest you.

 

I know many people hate to hear this BUT IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT PROBABILITY AND STATISTICS...IT REALL IS A NUMBERS GAME. The guys who get laid aren't doing so because they are so smooth, more than likely they get turned down most of the time. They just ask and ask and ask different women out, and get in their pants.

 

Now keep on pining for a RLship it will not happen the way you want it to until you are much older. Young women these days have no reason to hang it up and get serious with anyone until they think that if they wait too much longer they won't be able to have a marriage and children. (The social pressure to do so dose not kick in until close to 30 now a days.)

 

TL;DR Love is a battlefield. As a man who's into women live by this maxim from Nguyen Van Thieu: Don't listen to what the <s>Communists</s> women say, but look at what they do.

 

This is actually a bit eye-opening and the kind of brutal honesty that I like. I'm not looking for a relationship that's SERIOUS serious right now, just like I said earlier someone cool to do stuff with and have sex with. If that eventually turned into marriage serious great if not then it would be a good experience to share with someone. Now in light of what you're saying is there any middle ground between a bunch of casual hookups and a committed relationship? Or do I just have to suck it up (pardon the pun) and do the casual thing? I mean if there's really no choice then I guess I know what to do. But I'm just curious.

[Floridaman]

I've never had casual sex.

What I've done was scrapping the bottom of the barrel to get sex when I was desperate for it.

 

Getting casual sex with a girl I was at least attracted to would have been 1,000 times better.

 

Originally Posted by Floridaman

Wouldn't you rather experience a real relationship with a loving woman?

 

I hope you know how insultingly obvious that question is. Right now I'm extremely angry because of the whole girl issue, but I'll be nice and just say, "yes."

SomeDude, was not trying to be disrespectful to you.

I've been in your shoes so I know what it's like, the pain, the rejection.

Originally Posted by Floridaman

They're out there, SomeDude, as I've related.

I dated older virgin and less-experienced women when I was 28-30, as I posted.

These weren't homely girls. True, some may have been shy and unlucky at love like me (and you), but they were attractive and good women. Not "leftovers" (okay, one had been engaged earlier).

 

That doesn't do me any good. I don't care how inexperienced a girl is.

Only posted those experiences of mine to show you there are women out there looking for "less experienced" guys like us and that it's not "too late."

 

Meeting women is not my issue.

 

Getting them to want to be more than my friend is.

 

And no, my choices are not relationship or sex. Right now I have nothing, I don't have a choice to make.

Okay. That better clarifies it.

 

You need to ask them out right on the spot, during first meeting (after some conversation).

Close the sale.

You've posted how you thought you shouldn't ask them out at first meeting, but do that after you feel you've gotten some rapport, as I've posted to you in other threads.

 

Get them to meet you for lunch or a visit to an art gallery, ballgame or some other relatively "non-threatening" simple date.

 

Time's a wastin'.

Summon up courage and make your invitation before some other guy gets the idea.

Don't delay your invitation until you see them again. They may consider you "just a friend" by then.

 

 

 

And no, my choices are not relationship or sex. Right now I have nothing, I don't have a choice to make.

 

 

If I could get you a date, set you up with a woman that might work well with you, I promise I would.

I know what you're going through and was glad someone set me up with a gal.

 

Even if it were a woman I had dated in the past -- things don't always work out, but am always happy to "forward" one to you that might work. Friends introducing friends to friends usually works well...

 

You have friends here, like KathyM and others, that only want the best for you...

Edited October 20, 2011 by Floridaman

[KathyM]

Good point, OnyxSnowfall.

Should have read her long posting more closely.

 

 

Okay, Kathy, will defer to you. You're right. She's still defending it.

Sorry.

 

Read the other post she started, where she's dating a culturally and religiously conservative Jew in her college class (an unlikely potential dating partner) so assumed she had changed or left that field.

Curious if the guy she's with knows of her past... and how he reacted.

 

Maybe the eternal optimist in me wants things to be better and can see value in someone who genuinely changes.

We don't really know if she has stopped the behavior or not. I've read that some people finance their education through prostitution, so who knows? We do know that she is justifying and promoting it on this site, so to me, that is not someone who has genuinely changed. I would feel very sorry for a very religious guy, or any guy for that matter, who was unknowingly dating a prostitute or former prostitute. Such dishonesty is so unfair. From the sound of her posts, I rather doubt she told him the truth. Hopefully, she has been honest with him. In any case, I'd like to bring this thread back to the general subject of virginity vs. using a prostitute, and not discuss a particular person. btw, I tried to respond to your PM, but my time had expired after preparing a long response to you, so my lengthy response did not go through. I'll take it as a sign that I went into TMI about my history, and will leave it at that.

[KathyM]

@49322

 

Yes and no. What you have to realize, that many only conciously figure out latter, is that "relationships" at that age are almost never serious. In the moment they feel powerful and strong and very serious but...that is just an immature young adult brain, caught up in a flood of dopamine and other love chemicals our brains release.

 

There are two things you could do.

 

1.) Knowingly play the game, don't act like a man who's in a serious relationship or who wants a serious relationship....but tell any woman you end up having sex with that you are serious about her while not being serious at all. In short play the woman. The hard truth is that, planned or not, the woman at that age is likely eyeing or even screwing some other guy.

 

2.)Go for older more mature women. Not like 50's or even 40's....just women in their late 20's and especially 30's will have a much more mature perspective. Yes they want a hot guy, but if you are less than 25 and hitting on a woman of 30-35 she will be flattered that you are interested. If you are really compatible for a relationship all the better because you will be equally mentally mature and into such a relationship.

 

This second option happens in many cultures where men of means and status typically trade in older wives for younger more desirable women. The younger less resourceful or experienced men seek out such women. Both the man and woman gain what they want for a time.

 

That's a time wasting venture you are advocating there. Suggesting that men become players and lie to women, telling them they are serious about the woman, but only saying it for the purpose of getting sex? That's pretty dishonest and unfair. I would think most men would feel bad about themselves if they were such selfish jerks who manipulated women. I know there are plenty of guys out there like that, but it is not something to aspire to. It's dishonest and manipulative. And then you're advocating for a young guy to look for much older, desperate women, who'd be flattered to have any attention from a younger man. That's only going to waste a guy's time on pursuing that dead end relationship, rather than spending his time on pursuing a relationship that he truly wants for the long term. He'd also be using these older women rather than looking for who he really wants. Not a good plan. Just a waste of time and energy, which uses and manipulates women.

[KathyM]

If I had to resort to manipulating women, I've lost everything that I respect about me being a man.

Thank you for saying that.

[Floridaman]

Originally Posted by AHardDaysNight

If I had to resort to manipulating women, I've lost everything that I respect about me being a man.

 

 

Thank you for saying that.

That's what a lot of players do... manipulate women.

 

Guys, please notice I've not recommended you become players, PUAs or do other non-constructive things to get women.

Sure, you might get to take a woman to bed you meet in a bar, but you'll still be missing the relationship, which you desperately want and what I still think is best to focus on.

 

Not sayin' don't be forward in your approaches and try to initiate conversation with women, just do it for the right reasons and have the right motives.

 

Only posted some of my disastrous experiences to show what can happen when you don't do it the right way.

Sure, I got some sex but look at the cost.

 

"Experience" isn't the most important thing in the world anyway. Not every woman wants to date a player or someone that's not responsible in their dating and sex...

[KathyM]

SomeDude, was not trying to be disrespectful to you.

I've been in your shoes so I know what it's like, the pain, the rejection.

 

 

 

Only posted those experiences of mine to show you there are women out there looking for "less experienced" guys like us and that it's not "too late."

 

Okay. That better clarifies it.

 

You need to ask them out right on the spot, during first meeting (after some conversation).

Close the sale.

You've posted how you thought you shouldn't ask them out at first meeting, but do that after you feel you've gotten some rapport, as I've posted to you in other threads.

 

Get them to meet you for lunch or a visit to an art gallery, ballgame or some other relatively "non-threatening" simple date.

 

Time's a wastin'.

Summon up courage and make your invitation before some other guy gets the idea.

Don't delay your invitation until you see them again. They may consider you "just a friend" by then.

 

 

 

 

 

If I could get you a date, set you up with a woman that might work well with you, I promise I would.

I know what you're going through and was glad someone set me up with a gal.

 

Even if it were a woman I had dated in the past -- things don't always work out, but am always happy to "forward" one to you that might work. Friends introducing friends to friends usually works well...

 

You have friends here, like KathyM and others, that only want the best for you...

I would love to mentor these guys and introduce them to women I know, but I doubt they live in my area, and I'm a little cautious about meeting people from websites. But if I had met them in RL, I'd be happy to facilitate. All of your suggestions though, Floridaman, have been very good. Especially the ones about meeting women at religious events. Now THERE will be a group of women who are not going to judge harshly if a guy is not experienced, and they'll most likely be more interested in a relationship rather than some short term thing. And they'll also be more willing to see a guy for all his inate qualities and his good spirit rather than judging him solely on his looks or sexual experience. I know a man who, when in his 20s, went to a religious retreat solely for the purpose of meeting dating prospects. He was not very religious at the time, but he did end up with a wonderful woman from there, whom he later married, as well as a spiritual faith he never had before. So it was a win for him. Worth a try, for sure.

[Mrlonelyone]

Nguyen Van Thieu: Don't listen to what the <s>Communists</s> women say, but look at what they do.

 

 

They say don't be manipulative. They say they want a good man who wants a relationship.

 

Then what do they do?

 

They choose scumbags with no money and spend all they have on them.

 

They choose marry guys like this one * who have a trackrecord of spousal abuse.

 

They choose the wrong thing all the time.

 

The self same women that make all those bad choices will tell you to be like the kind of man that they never reward with sex.

 

Let me make this clear I am not saying to be like John Wayne Bobbitt. Don't abuse women.... Just don't try to be that good nice guy either. Go and buy that hooker, buy two get that virgin stank offa ya. While a woman who finds out about it won't be thrilled they will end up judging that less harshly than if you are a virgin over 25. (i.e. wondering if your gay, if they will measure up to what you expect :rolleyes:etc etc.)

 

TL;DR: There is an old saying in science. Don't fool yourself because your the easiest person to fool. Let me put it this way... so I can't get repremanded for it...If you wanted to know how to pick up or start a Rlship with a transsexual I would be the one you should not listen to. Understand?

 

@KathyM

 

Yes women at religious events can will and do judge men who lack experience with women IF those men are over a certain age.

Edited October 20, 2011 by Mrlonelyone

[KathyM]

Nguyen Van Thieu: Don't listen to what the <s>Communists</s> women say, but look at what they do.

 

 

They say don't be manipulative. They say they want a good man who wants a relationship.

 

Then what do they do?

 

They choose scumbags with no money and spend all they have on them.

 

They choose marry guys like this one * who have a trackrecord of spousal abuse.

 

They choose the wrong thing all the time.

 

The self same women that make all those bad choices will tell you to be like the kind of man that they never reward with sex.

 

Let me make this clear I am not saying to be like John Wayne Bobbitt. Don't abuse women.... Just don't try to be that good nice guy either. Go and buy that hooker, buy two get that virgin stank offa ya. While a woman who finds out about it won't be thrilled they will end up judging that less harshly than if you are a virgin over 25. (i.e. wondering if your gay, if they will measure up to what you expect :rolleyes:etc etc.)

 

TL;DR: There is an old saying in science. Don't fool yourself because your the easiest person to fool. Let me put it this way... so I can't get repremanded for it...If you wanted to know how to pick up or start a Rlship with a transsexual I would be the one you should not listen to. Understand?

 

@KathyM

 

Yes women at religious events can will and do judge men who lack experience with women IF those men are over a certain age.

Nope, they value a man who has a good spirit. Case in point: my sister, a religious woman, recently dated a man who was a 55 year old virgin. Very admirable man who she was in love with and they dated for some time, but he didn't have the time enough to devote to the relationship that she wanted, so she left him, reluctantly. Now she's serious about another Christian man whom she has dated exclusively for a while now. They are talking about long term and getting very serious. They are celebate with each other. I know Christian virgins in all age groups. They value a person, and would consider a guy's lack of experience an asset and not a negative.

[Floridaman]

All of your suggestions though, Floridaman, have been very good. Especially the ones about meeting women at religious events.

 

Now THERE will be a group of women who are not going to judge harshly if a guy is not experienced, and they'll most likely be more interested in a relationship rather than some short term thing. And they'll also be more willing to see a guy for all his inate qualities and his good spirit rather than judging him solely on his looks or sexual experience.

 

I know a man who, when in his 20s, went to a religious retreat solely for the purpose of meeting dating prospects. He was not very religious at the time, but he did end up with a wonderful woman from there, whom he later married, as well as a spiritual faith he never had before. So it was a win for him. Worth a try, for sure.

The first adult relationship I had @26 with that 30 y.o. virgin I posted about, met her at the Methodist church singles group.

She was shy, I was attracted to her and asked her out.

We dated 6 mos. and almost became engaged.

 

So like Kathy says, you can find goood women in those groups, church and other singles groups.

 

In those days, during the late 80s when there was no Internet, I had to call various churches to see if they had singles-specific programs, classes, as I felt I needed to get out of my apt. and start meeting people. I hadn't really been going to church that much either.

 

You'll typically find the large churches in your city (Methodist, Baptist, Lutheran, etc.) tend to have singles groups, so focus on the bigger ones. I lived in a city of 100,000 then, so was fortunate to have found such a group. The church I attended before that didn't really have singles activities.

 

You don't have to believe everything they say in a particular church, but it won't hurt you to attend and you could benefit from the social experience.

[Mrlonelyone]

Nope, they value a man who has a good spirit. Case in point: my sister, a religious woman, recently dated a man who was a 55 year old virgin. Very admirable man who she was in love with and they dated for some time, but he didn't have the time enough to devote to the relationship that she wanted, so she left him, reluctantly. Now she's serious about another Christian man whom she has dated exclusively for a while now. They are talking about long term and getting very serious. They are celebate with each other. I know Christian virgins in all age groups. They value a person, and would consider a guy's lack of experience an asset and not a negative.

 

 

Here is what I take from that parable. Please don't take this personally this is the net and it seems dubious.

 

A Christian woman and " a man who was a 55 year old virgin. ". Ok she gave him a shot.

 

he didn't have the time enough to devote to the relationship that she wanted

 

A plausible excuse for leaving him for a hotter sexier more sexually interested man.

 

They are celebate with each other.

 

RrIiiiight

 

Something she may tell you so that you won't judge her for having sex out side of marriage, perhaps, or one of them is dipping on the side?

 

I don't know your sister and I'm not calling her or you a liar...but we hear people swear and say that's the case in their relationships here on LS all the time. Then a few months or even days latter someone finds out they have been lied to or cheated on.

[Cracker Jack]

Nope, they value a man who has a good spirit. Case in point: my sister, a religious woman, recently dated a man who was a 55 year old virgin. Very admirable man who she was in love with and they dated for some time, but he didn't have the time enough to devote to the relationship that she wanted, so she left him, reluctantly. Now she's serious about another Christian man whom she has dated exclusively for a while now. They are talking about long term and getting very serious. They are celebate with each other. I know Christian virgins in all age groups. They value a person, and would consider a guy's lack of experience an asset and not a negative.

 

While those women are indeed nice, aren't they still very much in the minority?

 

Also, aren't religious events usually for....religious purposes? The majority of men and women I know that attended these events weren't there to attract anyone.

[Floridaman]

aren't religious events usually for....religious purposes?

The majority of men and women I know that attended these events weren't there to attract anyone.

Cracker, that's what some may think. An assumption.

Imagine many go to singles events for social reasons, to meet new people, find a mate...

 

These events are usually get-togethers, dinners, Sunday a.m. classes, etc. Not intensive religious training or anything.

 

Haven't you heard women in the past say they went to college to graduate with their degree in MRS....?

 

Just like any other function/ activity, not everyone attending is so enthusiastic or into the event, but may be there for other reasons..

Edited October 20, 2011 by Floridaman

[KathyM]

Here is what I take from that parable. Please don't take this personally this is the net and it seems dubious.

 

A Christian woman and " a man who was a 55 year old virgin. ". Ok she gave him a shot.

 

he didn't have the time enough to devote to the relationship that she wanted

 

A plausible excuse for leaving him for a hotter sexier more sexually interested man.

 

They are celebate with each other.

 

RrIiiiight

 

Something she may tell you so that you won't judge her for having sex out side of marriage, perhaps, or one of them is dipping on the side?

 

I don't know your sister and I'm not calling her or you a liar...but we hear people swear and say that's the case in their relationships here on LS all the time. Then a few months or even days latter someone finds out they have been lied to or cheated on.

I understand your skepticism, but I do believe I know my sister and I hear every detail of every relationship from her, both the good and the bad. This woman could have any man she wanted and has men hitting on her all the time. She has a lot going for her--beauty, intelligence, talent, financial resources, and a good personality. She has chosen to remain celebate and has dumped men who would not respect that. Men who had a lot going for them, and she had a great relationship with, but if they didn't respect that perspective, they were dumped. She didn't leave the virgin because he was a virgin. She greatly admired that about him and always raved to me what an honorable man he was. He just had too many other things going on in his life and she was looking for someone who had more time to give her, so she reluctantly ended it. He was just as handsome, if not moreso, than the guy she is currently with who is also celebate. There are people out there who can control themselves, believe it or not, and who want to live a Godly life. I know many of them.