Self Development Challenge

[PelicanPete]

I was contemplating whether to add this to the break up forum or the self development forum, but I felt it will serve most beneficial to coping since it is essentially the middle-ground.

 

I have a challenge for all of you. Whether you're a dumpee or a dumper, an advicee or an advice giver, or dealing with emotional trauma of any kind, this will help you. But first, I want to lay some ground work

 

Living life:

 

Something along the lines of every 3 seconds, a person dies. There life has stopped in its tracks forever. They will never be able to see the people they love or do the things they enjoyed ever again. They will never be seen again. Who's to say you aren't next? There is no reason why this isn't you. It's chance, luck, and completely random. Because of this, this very well could be you 3 seconds from now. You could be next. Really take this idea in. Think about today. What have you done today? What if this is your last day on earth? If you really absorb this idea to its entirety, you will stop procrastinating to become a better person. You will start making more constructive decisions about your life and what you want to do with it. How do you want to be remembered when you die? The person who survived day to day life, or the person who inspired and motivated and pushed towards their goals. Time is running out, and your deadline could be 50 years from now, or even tomorrow. With this in mind, don't you want to be the best you can possibly be?

 

We have essentially won the lottery in terms of our life. We ARE the lucky ones. We take for granted what so many others could only dream of. There are hundreds of thousands of people that would probably trade places with you in a heart beat if they could. Because of this, I feel it is important that we at least try live to our fullest potential, and appreciate what we have. Because one day, we might not be so lucky.

 

Keep a JOURNAL

 

I cannot stress this enough. Writing things down is your #1 tool towards growing. Simply by getting these thoughts out of your head makes them a reality. Writing down what you want to accomplish acts as a strong foundation for actually getting them done. Is there a quality about yourself you don't like? Write it down.

 

Ill share a personal example. I've always been a nice guy, and often my kindness was taken advantage of by other people. After my ex broke up with me for another guy, I was sick of who I was. Looking through my journal, I must have wrote down every entry that I HATED being a doormat, and that I MUST be more assertive. Guess what happened. Eventually, I stopped being a doormat. I stopped trying to please other people. Before I knew it, I got a job where I deal with haggling customers everyday. I've been given dirty looks, sworn at, even threatened by pissed off customers trying to get me to bend the rules for them, but I'm proud of myself. I'm no longer going against my own standards for other peoples approval. All of my co-workers like and respect me, and because I hold my ground, so do most of my customers .

 

So with these two concepts in mind, whether you are heartbroken or not, I invite you to try this exercise with me. All you need is a piece of paper and a pen. Typing it out does not have the same impact as writing.

 

1. Write down qualities you like about yourself

2. Write down traits you want to incorporate into you

3. Describe the type of person you want to become

4. Describe how you want other people to see you

Brief Example

1. I like that I am optimistic and cheerful

2. I want to become more sarcastic and witty

3. I want to be a resilient and emotionally strong person

4. I want be a motivational and inspirational to other people

 

 

Once you've answered those questions, I challenge you to re-write this list every morning when you wake up. Simply by doing this creates a more conscious and sub conscious awareness towards achieving these goals, which will cause you to take steps towards completing them. So often I find myself getting side-tracked from my real goals, which only leads me to become frustrated and unhappy with myself. I know I'm not the only one, and I know there are other people out there that want to become better people.

 

I'm going to be doing this and evaluate my progress over the next month, but I thought perhaps other people want to join in. If you want to join me, just leave a post and say so! You can even post your list and we can all motivate and support each other. Since it could turn very personal, you can always just share what you feel like sharing

 

I encourage anyone and everyone to give it a try and join in. There's nothing to lose from giving it a try. I'll be writing out my list later tonight, and starting the challenge tomorrow morning.

[sleepykitten]

Thanks for posting this pete, I will do this, anything positive helps I already keep a type of gratitude journal and notice that it definatly changes my mindset from feeling down to feeling lucky.

[PelicanPete]

Thanks for posting this pete, I will do this, anything positive helps I already keep a type of gratitude journal and notice that it definatly changes my mindset from feeling down to feeling lucky.

 

You've got the hang of it sleepy. Glad to see you on board! Our progress will run parallel, and I'll definitely be buggin' you to stick with it , whether it be through this thread or PM.

 

I must say I'm a bit surprised. I thought there would be more people that would give this a try, considering all of the response from this thread. This is a important step to make those changes a reality my friends.

 

I developed my list while I had some free time at work tonight which I'll share with the thread.

 

1. I like that I am intelligent, understanding, patient, and strong

2. I want to become more resourceful, logical, assertive, stronger, and better at speaking my mind

3. I want to be more of a mans man, who builds himself and lives fully around his terms and beliefs and takes pride in who he is

4. I want other people to see me as a wise and inspirational person that deserves respect.

 

Every morning I'll take a few minutes to write this out to reflect on what is important to me and what I want to achieve, and the goal is I will sub consciously and consciously make more choices to develop these qualities inside of myself.

 

Once again, personal development IS THE ONLY WAY to truly move on from a break up.

 

Cheers guys. sleepykitten I look forward to hearing from you

[LelouchIsZero]

I must say I'm a bit surprised. I thought there would be more people that would give this a try, considering all of the response from this thread. This is a important step to make those changes a reality my friends.

 

I actually jumped a bit when I saw this, so I'm quite surprised as well.

 

I'll definitely give it a try, as I've slacked off a bit -- in regards to the things we've been talking about .

[sleepykitten]

Heres mine

 

I like that I am kind, funny (sometimes) and patient

I want to be more intelligent and assertive.

I want to be less of a people pleaser, more able to be emotionally self sufficiant and secure.

I want others to see me as strong, successful genuine and honest.

 

This was harder than i thought, i found it difficult to write down the qualities i like in myself and found myself feeling really upset. I cant take a compliment and get choked up when i try to think of good stuff to say about myself....wierd, but quite telling I think, maybe my self esteem is still pretty low?

[silly_panda]

Nice... This is something like 'your words becomes your flesh'... You are who you think you are...

[sun_moon]

1. I like these qualities that lead to my strength of character: integrity, loyalty, hard work, and compassion.

 

2. I would also like to incorporate better follow through (finishing what I started), feeling less discouragement, and being more trustful with the opposite sex.

 

3. I want to become a more positive and confident person.

 

4. I want people to see me as a confident, smart, independent woman.

 

 

I hope more people join this challenge.

[PelicanPete]

Heres mine

 

I like that I am kind, funny and patient

I want to be more intelligent and assertive.

I want to be less of a people pleaser, more able to be emotionally self sufficiant and secure.

I want others to see me as strong, successful genuine and honest.

 

This was harder than i thought, i found it difficult to write down the qualities i like in myself and found myself feeling really upset. I cant take a compliment and get choked up when i try to think of good stuff to say about myself....wierd, but quite telling I think, maybe my self esteem is still pretty low?

 

That's a great list . I'm also glad to hear it stirred up emotion inside of you. It wants to get out, and you're opening a gate for it. This has the potential to really help you. It may even serve as a form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

 

Nice... This is something like 'your words becomes your flesh'... You are who you think you are...

 

Thanks for your comment panda. This leads nicely into what I wanted to further talk about.

 

It's important to realize how we perceive the world is entirely subjective and depends on the individual. Person X may automatically judge a rainy day as crummy weather because of developed neurological pathways in their brain, while Person Y may see any rainy day as a beautiful day from their own neurology. Even though we all may lead similar lives, our chain of thoughts and perceptions may be completely opposite from one another. There is no single reality, we create our own isolated realities. Our entire sense of consciousness is deeply subjective, from our sense of logic to our opinions. There are infinite amount of ways a persons consciousness could function, but all we can really imagine is our own.

 

Because basically all of our perceptions are based off of our neurology, in order to develop new perceptions, characteristics, and qualities, all we need to do is take steps in developing the neurological connections of those traits we want to possess. Another important step is awareness, which I just covered

 

To use moving on from a break up as an example, as long as your neurology still incorporates your ex you will never move on. Time generally helps people move on because over time people are usually exposed to new experience which may result in new thoughts, perceptions, and judgements. Their thoughts and neurology changes from when they were in a relationship with their ex, therefore they no longer feel sad because they no longer associate those emotions with that person. So wouldn't it make more sense to directly work on re-wiring your brain to get over your break up?

 

This is what this challenge is essentially doing. It's directly tweaking your brain for it to run how you want it to. This takes little discipline, all you need is the courage to embrace change.

 

However we're going to stay at step 1 for a few more days. I think I've said enough for one post. I look forward to hearing from you guys

[sleepykitten]

Am really looking forward to doing this, bought a journal today and wrote my list out. Thanks for taking the time to write all this, i think its so valuble and i embrace anything that will help.

[Viv]

I'd like to join in too

 

I like that I'm kind, loyal, intelligent and fun.

I want to become more optimistic and confident.

I want to be a very active and self-sufficient person.

I want other people to see me as positive and strong.

Edited September 26, 2011 by Viv

[betterdeal]

Be, you're a gentleman and a scholar!

 

My list

 

I like that I am funny, intelligent, thoughtful, inventive

I will lose weight

I will be myself

I will run a marathon by the time I am 40

[sleepykitten]

Ok, have written out in my journal what you wrote in your first post and then my list. Am feeling so much more positve already! Quick question, may be a bit silly, but when you say re write this list out every morning, do you write the same list or change it, and add to it?

[Kageytn]

I NEED this challenge. I'm on a quest to improve myself, love myself and fill my emotional void myself. Thank you so much!

 

I like:

My intelligence

My sense of humor

My empathy

 

I would like to:

Love myself more

Have less anxiety

Gain my power back

 

I want to be the type of person that:

Doesn't seek approval from others

Fills my own emotional void

That trusts people and seeks emotional intimacy

That doesn't repeat the patterns of my childhood with my partners

 

I want to be seen as:

An emotionally healthy person

A woman of value and integrity

A woman that loves herself

 

This is great

[PelicanPete]

First off! sun_moon, betterdeal, Viv, and Kategyn, welcome aboard! I'm glad you could make it! The more people that join, the more people are motivated to stick with it. Strength in numbers after all, we can all better ourselves together.

 

Ok, have written out in my journal what you wrote in your first post and then my list. Am feeling so much more positve already! Quick question, may be a bit silly, but when you say re write this list out every morning, do you write the same list or change it, and add to it?

 

Your recent posts brought a smile to my face sleepy. I'm glad you're already feeling an improvement!

 

To answer your question, you can modify your list as much as you want for it to fit your needs. We're still on the first stage, so you have a few days to let your list evolve. Your ideas and goals are allowed to and probably will change within the next few days, but then again you may already firmly know what you want. Don't feel discouraged if your ideas change a lot within the next few days, all that shows is that your growing and progressing already

 

So just to review, you're physically writing down your list every morning. Try to do it while you're eating breakfast, laying in bed, or sometime in the beginning of the day where you have minimum distractions. All it takes is 5 minutes. After its written again, take a minute just to reflect on what was talked about in previous posts. We only live once, who's to say your day is closing in? If you really think about it, death makes life worth living. Think about yourself obtaining these goals, and how much comfortable you will feel living your own definition of yourself. Also reflect on reality itself being completely subjective, and that you have the ability to mold your own consciousness. You hold the power to make yourself anything you want to be. It's equally important to take a minute and reflect on these ideas after writing down your list.

 

And if you EVER feel the need to write anything, DO IT. Don't hold back, get it out of your system and write it down. Have you ever read an amazing fable, and question how the author could ever come up with such a captivating plot and interesting characters? The only difference from an author, a poet, a musician, and other artists is that they express their ideas. Don't be afraid to write things down .

 

To make a long post longer, I'm already experiencing progress towards one of my goals. I went to the gym with a friend of mine this afternoon, and we scheduled from now on to go to the gym 3x a week together. I also noticed today I have more of a drive to get things done, and I'm not just wasting my time on things that aren't productive.

 

So! Keep it up guys and stick with it. We probably have a bunch of different time zones, but I'll be wondering if your list has changed at all on day 2.

 

And finally, the more people we get doin' this, the better! Everyone's welcome to join, just go ahead and post your list

 

------

By the way, Lelouch. Please post your list if you feel comfortable sharing. Don't be procrastinating already

Edited September 27, 2011 by PelicanPete

[PelicanPete]

Anyone online? Did you remember to write your list out again this morning?

 

I noticed myself modifying my list a bit when I re-wrote it this morning. I wasn't really thinking about it, I was more feeling it.

 

For those of you who love to read, a book I ordered on self development finally came today. It's called "The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey. I haven't read it yet, but I heard good reviews about this book. It looks like it has a relatively easy reading level, and it's got over 300 pages with some graphs, lists and T charts in it. Even though I ordered it because it was cheaper to, I think you can just get it at Walmart or something.

 

Anyway, anyones welcome to join. Think we're going to take the next step on Saturday, so keep writing your list every morning and see if it grows or evolves to better explain you.

[sleepykitten]

Hey pete, am here its half nine in the eve in the Uk, but yes did my list this morning and added a few things to it. Was a great start to the day, had a bit of a temptation to breal nc, usually would wallow in it and smoke and stay in, but instead went to boxercise and an hr later felt totally different!!looking forward to the next step on sat, am out that eve but will check in sunday moning.

[Graceful]

Okay, okay. I know when I'm being pressured, P-Pete. I can take the hint.

 

I have Covey's book. It's what you call a "classic" at this point in time. And it's very good. I'll just pop over to my bookcase and give myself a refresher.

 

Okay, I have to get ready to leave for yoga class in a few minutes, but I'm in.

 

Do I really have to confess my list here, though?

 

That makes me accountable, you know. OH, the pressure, the pressure.

 

Great job, friend.

Grace

 

 

Anyone online? Did you remember to write your list out again this morning?

 

I noticed myself modifying my list a bit when I re-wrote it this morning. I wasn't really thinking about it, I was more feeling it.

 

For those of you who love to read, a book I ordered on self development finally came today. It's called "The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey. I haven't read it yet, but I heard good reviews about this book. It looks like it has a relatively easy reading level, and it's got over 300 pages with some graphs, lists and T charts in it. Even though I ordered it because it was cheaper to, I think you can just get it at Walmart or something.

 

Anyway, anyones welcome to join. Think we're going to take the next step on Saturday, so keep writing your list every morning and see if it grows or evolves to better explain you.

[sun_moon]

Oh I already forgot this morning, and its now 5pm. Oops

[Kageytn]

I did mine! In my therapy session, we discussed what I want for my future. Thanks to this thread, I knew! We discussed this assignment and my goals. I left feeling great.

 

My homework is to love myself and treasure what I like about myself.

 

I'm suppose to see my ex tomorrow-dinner and tutoring. I want to cancel but I don't want to deal with the fallout. So, I think I'll go but not schedule another session. I was in a very dark place last week. I dont want to be there again. I'm scared saying no to tomorrow will put me back there.

[PelicanPete]

Hey pete, am here its half nine in the eve in the Uk, but yes did my list this morning and added a few things to it. Was a great start to the day, had a bit of a temptation to breal nc, usually would wallow in it and smoke and stay in, but instead went to boxercise and an hr later felt totally different!!looking forward to the next step on sat, am out that eve but will check in sunday moning.

 

That's great sleepy . Keep strong and don't give into the familiar. I'm glad you're feeling better, you're doing awesome so far! I know you'll succeed with your goals at this rate.

 

Okay, okay. I know when I'm being pressured, P-Pete. I can take the hint.

 

I have Covey's book. It's what you call a "classic" at this point in time. And it's very good. I'll just pop over to my bookcase and give myself a refresher.

 

Do I really have to confess my list here, though?

 

Ah Grace! Pressuring you? I have no idea what you're talking about, this is obviously a pressure-free zone ! It is a pleasure to have you aboard though.

 

And no, you don't have to post your list. Just make sure to write it down every morning. I will be pressu- .. reminding you.

 

 

I did mine! In my therapy session, we discussed what I want for my future. Thanks to this thread, I knew! We discussed this assignment and my goals. I left feeling great.

 

My homework is to love myself and treasure what I like about myself.

 

I'm suppose to see my ex tomorrow-dinner and tutoring. I want to cancel but I don't want to deal with the fallout. So, I think I'll go but not schedule another session. I was in a very dark place last week. I dont want to be there again. I'm scared saying no to tomorrow will put me back there.

 

I'm thrilled this helped you in your therapy Kage! That seems like very positive homework. I'm proud of you!

 

I wish you the best with meeting your ex tomorrow. Write your list again when you wake up, remind yourself of what is important, and go in stoic and strong. Don't put up with anymore BS! You don't deserve it.

 

Oh I already forgot this morning, and its now 5pm. Oops

 

LOL. I just started crackin' up when I read this. It's alright sun_moon, I almost forgot about it the first day, but I accidently stepped on my journal which made me remember.

 

I also planned on reading a lot of that book this afternoon after I finished with all my homework. Sprawled out on my bed and only 3 pages in the prologue, my eyes felt strained and I decided to rest them for a few minutes. Next thing I know, I wake up from my nap and the suns going down

 

Were only human! Just make sure you write it out again tomorrow morning. Your list may change like you are.

 

 

Betterdeal, Viv, Lelouch, where art thou? I know you're out there. I'm not pressuring you, but don't make me PM you . I'm not letting you give up on your goals.

[sun_moon]

Ok ok I'm glad you got a good laugh!

Just to show that I can start something and finish it, which is by the way one of the things I would like to change....

 

I added a task reminder for every morning to pop up after my alarm, so if I forget and/or have early day or late day at work, I will be either writing it in my office or in my bed before I get ready for work.

 

I will revisit this technique if it doesn't work for me.

 

How do you like them apples???

[Kageytn]

I am getting ready to journal. I woke up feeling panicky and it's because I'm suppose to see the ex tonight. I just text and cancelled. I feel empowered.

 

I'm teaching today. Im happy about that...

[sun_moon]

Ha! I remembered today. Its 9.30 am here. Ok I'm done writing my 4 bullet points, off to finish getting ready for work!

[Viv]

Ooops, I decided to spend my morning (and the rest of the day) wallowing in self-pity instead

 

Promise to do better tomorrow! Thanks for reminding me

[PollyIvy]

I like that I am lively, direct, and open.

 

I want to be more focused, organized, peaceful.

 

I want to become a woman who really truly loves and is loved.

 

I want others to see me as empathetic, wise, and joyous.