Hopeless Battle

[Future Divorced Man]

Wow! Thats all I can say after reading a lot of this material.Just when you think you have it bad you suddenly realize it could be way worse. I like many here am confused and dazed at my lifes recent events. In a nutshell 6 years of marriage to a women who looking back was never happy with me and anything I did.I searched high and low on how to please her and what I did wrong! All along I thought I was doing something wrong and I started to believe all her Hype.I'm selfish. I'm controling I have a big ego, I'm cheap I'm a liarETC ETC. There comes a time where through complete exhaustion where you just give up, there is nothing left at all. Now that I am here at this point in time I realize that it really doesn't matter one bit what I have done, sometimes people just are unhappy and you can't help them, they can only help themselves.

So here I am waiting for my wife to divorce me, the person whom you thought was the be all and end all.Often I look at her and see a confused hurt little girl! I can no longer try to repair her, I have nothing left for me and I have to get on with my life before I become totally useless.

This is the toughest time I have had to deal with in my life, sometimes I cry and often I am cold without emotion. I realize that I must for both of us carry through and end this.

Like a lot of you I hate going home for I know it is just another fight waiting to happen, I can't even imagine what plate I put away wrong or what smudge mark I left on a door handle.

I hope someone gets strength through my letter , you have to stand up for yourself and your beliefs.

If your in a no win situation grab the bull by the horns and do something for youself, gain control on your life.

 

Good luck to all, I will post on how I stand up to the tough times ahead and how I adhere to my own advice.!

[oscaroc]

i am in the same situation as far as being able to help your spouse. Your absolutly correct you have to start taking care of yourself.

[gordies]

Originally posted by Future Divorced Man

Wow! Thats all I can say after reading a lot of this material.Just when you think you have it bad you suddenly realize it could be way worse. I like many here am confused and dazed at my lifes recent events. In a nutshell 6 years of marriage to a women who looking back was never happy with me and anything I did.I searched high and low on how to please her and what I did wrong! All along I thought I was doing something wrong and I started to believe all her Hype.I'm selfish. I'm controling I have a big ego, I'm cheap I'm a liarETC ETC. There comes a time where through complete exhaustion where you just give up, there is nothing left at all. Now that I am here at this point in time I realize that it really doesn't matter one bit what I have done, sometimes people just are unhappy and you can't help them, they can only help themselves.

So here I am waiting for my wife to divorce me, the person whom you thought was the be all and end all.Often I look at her and see a confused hurt little girl! I can no longer try to repair her, I have nothing left for me and I have to get on with my life before I become totally useless.

This is the toughest time I have had to deal with in my life, sometimes I cry and often I am cold without emotion. I realize that I must for both of us carry through and end this.

Like a lot of you I hate going home for I know it is just another fight waiting to happen, I can't even imagine what plate I put away wrong or what smudge mark I left on a door handle.

I hope someone gets strength through my letter , you have to stand up for yourself and your beliefs.

If your in a no win situation grab the bull by the horns and do something for youself, gain control on your life.

 

Good luck to all, I will post on how I stand up to the tough times ahead and how I adhere to my own advice.!

[gordies]

You say it all so well!! I have been in a very similar situation! My husband and I have been together for four years. It has been a very difficult four years! We have a son that is two now and I thought things had started to get better when we had him.. Little did I know they would get worse. We've separated twice in the last year. He is very controlling and insecure. He can be mentally and physically abusive. Our situation now is almost impossible, but of course I've tried forgiving him and holding on to hope that this time it will be better! I have two older children from my first marriage and I know they want nothing more to do with him. He was never mean or hurt them, but did enough damage to me! We are currently separated and had no contact for the first two months. We have now been seeing each other again without my children or family knowing! It is very difficult! I do love him so very much, but he has done some horrible things to me and has problems with Alcohol and drugs which enhances his abuse and in-securities! He says he loves me and is trying to change! How do I know?? Can I trust him again? Sometimes I feel like I'm just afraid to let go! He is somewhat like your wife.. He has never been happy... I've bent over backwards trying to make him happy, help him feel secure, and show him how much I love him. I never went to visit any of my friends and even put distance between my family because it was always a hassle at family events.. My family is very close and we have lots of friends.. He was always accusing me of being a family friend or anyone that just happened to be at a family event.. We talk everyday on the phone, but for the most part argue about everything that is wrong in our relationship and who's fault it is. Sometimes we see each other a couple of times a week sometimes not for a week or two.. We are married and this isn't the way it is suppose to be.. Am I just holding on to false hope or afraid of being alone? I'm just lost and confused right now and feel like I will never get past this part in my life.