a girl i like. (shy guy of course)

[shyguy72]

well there is this girl that i really like. she is on my bus. usually i have lacrosse or something so i'm not on the bus and just get a ride home with a friend, but when i am on the bus it pretty much happens like this.

 

she goes to a different school, so they get picked up first. the bus pulls up at our school, i get on and glance over at her and she looks back at me. this must have happened like 40 times (40 seperate days of course). it's like our 'daily tradition' now to give a quick glance. it almost seems like a game of who will look away first.

 

anyway, being the shy guy i am i just walk past and sit down and talk to my friend for the rest of the ride home. i don't know why i am so shy now because i think when i was younger i was less shy and i would consider myself pretty good looking so its not like she would be repullsed by me or anything, but i don't know what it is. i just can't seem to get up the confidence to talk to her. i almost did it today but i just can't seem to do it. i've noticed her CDs though and it seems like we are into the same music so we have 1 thing in common but i am just too shy to approach her.

 

i was reading this forum a bit and it seems like a lot of guys have a problem of being shy. i was at a party last friday with a friend. (it just so happened to be a party of the same school that the girl goes to. she wasn't there though.) anyway, there were a few girls there who i was glancing at and noticed they glanced back but then i just think to myself, "well if this happening so often then it obviously doesn't mean anything and she just so happened to glance over."

 

it is pretty frustrating because you really want to talk to these girls and just can't seem to do it. any help would be appreciated.

 

thanks,

-j0hn

 

PS: As much as i hate it, i think i am too "nice." Bet the girls hate that 'eh?

[Bobbie]

hmmm.

My advice is to print youself some email/ phone cards and to give the lady one.

 

The card, I said the card....

[Red Flag Rick]

one complaint i have heard over and over from my str8 female friends is that a guy who seems interested in them will not take their cues and initiate small talk. it appears that this little cutie is waving green flags at you every day. i bet her arms sure are tired. one thing we do know - she is patient.

 

at some point, we all have that feeling that we will be rejected, and as you see from perusing this board, you are not alone. so it may not be your low self-esteem as much as it is your fear of being rejected... who knows... could be both...

but one thing's for sure:

 

if you smile and say hello to her tomorrow, she will not snap your head off. it will stay perched on top of your bod, the earth will continue to rotate on its axis, and courtney love will still need to bathe more often.... these are just simple truths that you must remember.

 

i was mr popularity all through school - a gay ferris bueller - but one day i found myself faced with a disorder that had been building up and eventually it became so bad that it prevented me from doing things like going to the mailbox to get my mail because i thought people were staring at me all the time and judging me... kept me from doing a lot over the years after i recognized the severity of it.... malls, fairs, and most public places were certainly out of the question... and retrieving my mail at night sure did seem silly, so after years of suffering, i went for help. after lots of therapy, one of the best reality checks that helped me was to realize that the world would still keep turning, even if someone thought i looked silly or whatever... and i would still be the same person, regardless... in fact, after i worked through my situation with this disorder, i realized that i was not really so important that i captured the world's attention at all times, and people were not peeking out of their windows to gawk at me as i nabbed the newspaper. so the entire bus will not come to complete quiet and screech to a halt if you stop and say hi.... it is just not that big of a deal.

 

but it took me putting myself in my uncomfortable situations to enable me to move forward... my therapist forced me to go to the mall with her... we walked around and she talked me through my crazy concerns... she made a friend of mine watch me as i went to the mailbox in the daylight hours... as i found out sooner rather than later, it wasn't the big deal that i had built it up to be, and i actually had the power to change the way i thought about myself and my disorder.

 

and the key word is enable. you need to enable yourself by deliberately placing yourself in a situation that feels uncomfortable to you, and over time, it will become familiar - the power of the fear will diminish and your power and confidence will increase.... and then you will have conquered your fear and that increases your value, or your self-esteem... so the uncomfortable leads to the comfortable.

 

you are probably a great guy, but remember - you are not the first one to approach a girl, and i bet you won't be the last... so it is not the big deal you are building it up to be... you are not approaching someone cold turkey - she has already given you the "go ahead' (40 times!!) and every day she probably wishes that this is the day you say hello to her...

 

so go for it - she is smiling back, and if a girl smiles back, that means something. girls are smart enough to know how to flip that hair and give a glance so a guy will come-a-callin', so take her cues as a green light and tell yourself that tomorrow, you will say hello.

 

and tonight, spend some time in front of the mirror... check your teeth, make sure your fingernails are clipped and clean, think about what you are going to wear tomorrow so you can get up and not freak... and in the morning, jump on the bus and smile and say hello to the little hottie.

 

make sure you look nice, but remember that dating a quality girl has nothing to do with how one looks - it has everything to do with how real a guy is... girls are tired of games and players... and yes, "nice" guys have just as much of a chance as anybody else. from hearing my girl friends all these years, i believe they have the best chance... what you perceive as your weakness, is actually your strength - don't forget this.

 

so don't think of a line - just remember to be yourself. women want to hear a guy express their thoughts out loud - many guys do not know how important this is....

a female is looking at a male and thinking about how he stacks up as a dating partner and marriage material - and a guy? well, we know what guys are thinking... so dare to be different - be honest with her - say hello and joke about how long it took you to work up the nerve to speak with her... if anything, she will be flattered, think, "awwww...", and will want to pinch those precious cheeks of yours. so use your shyness to your advantage - a quality female loves a humble, sincere fella... remember - these are marriage qualities and they matter to girls... so do clean fingernails, clean shoes, a bright smile, and deodorant.

 

chicks dig a guy who is not afraid to show his emotions and feelings... the "bad boy" persona is so 80's and it is definitely out of style... women want a real man, and today, a real man is someone who can express himself, be a gentleman, and show a girl that he understands the true meaning of respect. so say hello and introduce yourself.. and ask her what her name is if you do not know it... if you know it, say hello and use her name.... we all like to hear our names spoken by others...

 

use the CD angle - stop and say hello to her and say that you noticed she likes polkas, just like you do... or whatever the music is... or say hello and ask her if she is groovin' on that Barry Manilow cd she has because you don't have that one and you're thinking of getting it.... (even if you do have that cd, you don't have it... right??? riiight...) ... just anything to get the ball rolling and then you are home free... oh - if you know what style music she likes, make her a cd and give it to her - what a thoughtful way to get her attention... even if you say hello without the homemade cd, remember that you can always give her this little gift later on... always remember - it is the small things like this that show women you understand what the deal is... guys who pat themselves on the back because they can remember their girl's birthday, definitely don't get it. girls expect a guy to know that, so always give them the unexpected...

 

dude. y'all have glanced at each other 40 times... 40 days...

 

moses spent 40 days in the wilderness - i bet you feel like that old coot and i know you are just itchin' to get to the promised land ... and the promised land is just sitting there waiting for you to say hello. so at least say hello to her tomorrow. this is your homework. and report back - if the world is still turning and if courtney still stinks, you can do a little bit more the next day.

[shyguy72]

you seem to have nailed this one on the head rick. nobody wants to be rejected, especially not in a public place where you think, or know that other people are watching/listening.

 

it's always "breaking the ice" that is difficult. theres tons of girls i am friends with and i have no problem talking to them and hanging out, but its just breaking the ice with a new girl that you like seems difficult. most girls you meet are through friends so you are in groups and it's just a different atmosphere, but when you are the one trying to approach, well it's a little much if you don't have the confidence.

 

i may not be in the bus tomorrow so it may have to wait until monday. i'll write back though after i do talk to her.