How do I stop analyzing everything?

[Kanika]

Hello,

 

I have a major problem with over analyzing things and it is causing a lot of problems in my life right now. I tend to think about things constantly - and worry about making the wrong decision that by the time I do decide what to do - I'm not satisfied anyway because I've burnt myself out over analyzing the whole situation. Does that make sense?

 

And I do this with everything, my relationship, my job, my family, day to day stuff...it is extremely frustrating and annoying. I recently quit my job...still not sure if that was the wisest decision but what is done is done...and even though I am no longer working there I am STILL over analyzing what was done before I quit, what led me to quit, everything they told me, what i told them, etc, etc...when I really don't want to be, I just want to move on so why do I keep analyzing it?

 

Same with arguments between my boyfriend and I ... even if we talk them out and come to an agreement ... I still tend to think about it again later and question everything from every possible angle I can think of...which only ends making things worse instead of better.

 

I am now at my wits end about this. I've considered going to the doctor, I've spent the last couple days doing a lot of research online about it but haven't found any really helpful tips...a lot of people mention that book "The Power of Now", which I have bought and attempted to read...but I find it really hard to accept. I think the notion of CONSTANTLY living in the now - being grateful for the sound of the wind and the birds in the distance and all of that - is a little too cheesy/unrealistic for me. (and I am even over analyzing why I think that way about the book...is that too cynical? does that mean i am depressed? am i helpless if this book cant help me?)...

 

I think the main reason I do this is because I have been hurt in the past, made my fair share of mistakes with my life already, I've recently turned 25 and my life is definately not at the point I thought/wanted it to be at at my age...so I question everything in my life because I am afraid of getting hurt again, failing again, and not accomplishing what I want. I've come to realize now that doing all this thinking, worrying and over analyzing is only hurting me more.

 

Does anyone else feel this way? Any suggestions/tips would be great.

[denise_xo]

I think the notion of CONSTANTLY living in the now - being grateful for the sound of the wind and the birds in the distance and all of that - is a little too cheesy/unrealistic for me. (and I am even over analyzing why I think that way about the book...is that too cynical? does that mean i am depressed? am i helpless if this book cant help me?)...

 

My sympathies. I used to be like this, quite badly so. I still have set backs but in general I've put most of that behind me. I think you can, too.

 

As for your comment to the Tolle book: You're certainly not helpless if that book doesn't help you, but I think you are misunderstanding the concept slightly. I had the same reaction when someone introduced me to similar ideas about fifteen years ago and I thought they were telling me to stop thinking but it's not really about that. Personally I'm not that into Tolle (I know many people are, though), but basically you can find similar ideas in different packaging and the trick is to find an approach that resonates with you. But to repackage it slightly: Human beings don't live through thought and analytical thinking alone. In fact, when we try to do so, things often go a bit wrong, as they have with you now. Part of redressing that is in letting go of some kinds of mental activities/ some thinking patterns, and replace them with a tuning in to your body (including your emotions and your 'gut feelings'), and to the here and how that surrounds you. It's not an either/or scenario and it doesn't mean that you should constantly live in the moment in the sense that you will never be oriented towards the past or the future, or reflect upon the present. If you want a more 'scientific' take on the topic, you can try reading Antonio Damasio 'The feeling of what happens' - there's plenty of research out there which supports different kinds of thought-body-emotion linkages.

 

I've found that the following things have helped me overcome the kind of thinking patterns that you describe:

- physical exercise

- being in nature

- yoga

- meditation

- counselling

- some periods of medication to treat accompanying depression

- dance

- reading literature that have resonated a bit more with me than Tolle does

 

In general, I would advice you to get some therapy (seeing you doctor as you suggest is probably a good idea), and to do something physical. In addition to it being physical, it should be something that helps you to shut out streams of thought. Dance is good in that way, because it usually requires (at least when you're still learning/ before it becomes routine) to concentrate on what you're doing with your different body parts and if you stop doing that and start thinking about other things, you will mess up the dance. In other words, do things with your body that force you to stop thinking.

 

Good luck to you and try to tackle this head on - I'm sure you have good chances of getting out of these thinking patterns.

[Kanika]

Thanks for the reply denise. It's nice to know that someone has been through and overcome a similar problem. I love your suggestions and will definately give them a try - I love the dance idea - I'm also looking into kickboxing to allow me to get my frustrations out at the same time.

 

The last few days have been a bit of a roller coaster. I have really been trying to alter the way I think...which is a lot of work! I found a really helpful list of 'Thinking Errors That Troubled People Make' online that seems to be helping quite a bit. It's using the TEA (Thought, Error, Analysis) Form method...so you have a thought in your head, you go to the list of errors and pick which one(s) you're using, and then through analysis you will realize where you are going wrong. I am definately realizing that I am making a LOT of those errors on the list...but it's also really tough to actively analyze every thought that comes into my mind. At times I feel like I'm literally going crazy - that in a way my mind has control over me...because I don't want to think/over analyze as much as I do but I can't help it...or that I'm talking to myself...a lot..trying to understand/change my thinking patterns.... which is a scary thought to me (losing my mind/going crazy) but I am hoping that will fade with time.

[denise_xo]

Kick boxing sounds like a really good idea. I think any martial art is useful because they tend to focus on body and mind simultaneously.

 

I'm going to google that list now, it sounds interesting. Glad to hear you're making progress, stick to it and I think you will feel better Half the job of overcoming such issues is facing it head on.