If I'm quiet and don't talk a lot, Why Do I offend people???

[briansoap]

(I'm 27/MALE/MUSICIAN, my girlfriend is 24/artist/college)

 

we've been together 5 years...

 

I'm pretty good with conversation, sure I'm a bit shy, but I can

operate and function normally. But i'm not much of a talker and if i'm

amongst a group of guys talking about something that bores me

or has no interest to me, I just stay quiet by nature simply cuz I just have

nothing to say....But I notice it tends to make people uncomfortable and

a few times people have thought that I was rude or in a bad mood or whatever,

but that has never been the case. Yet they tell me " You don't talk much do you?"

 

I'm very nice, polite to others, help people out, confident, so is my girl,,Just not much of a talker unless

it's a fun or meaningful subject or unless I really enjoy the person.. My girlfriend is the same way, Only

worse than I am(if this is all a bad thing)...She can't stand being in crowds or us going out with friends

that she doesn't know. It makes her uncomfortable because she feels she doesn;t

know what to say. She HATES HATES HATES being told "Boy, You sure don't talk much"

or "How come you never talk?" I hate it too. It just brings attention to the situation and makes

you feel dumb.

 

Don't get me wrong, Were perfectly normal, nice people...We're not mouses who hide in a hole

everytime people talk to us, But I'm just curious..

 

DO WE HAVE A PROBLEM or what? I don't think we do. So what!! if we don't have tons

of friends...We enjoy each other and each other's families and close friends we have..

So There's nothing wrong with us, is there????

[DerangedAngel]

So There's nothing wrong with us, is there????

 

I'm inclined to say no.

 

I'm one of those people that asks "You don't talk much, huh?" And I get the evil glare from Mr./Mrs. Shy. Usually, I'm not trying to get in their space, or annoy them, point them out, etc. What I'm trying to do is encourage them to say something. Let them know that I want to know what they think about things, too.

 

If you're confident that you're not much of a talker just because you don't have much to say, and not because you're unable to speak due to some phobia, or have social anxiety, then I think you're just a normal... untalkative... dude.

 

More opinions?

 

-Deranged

[faux]

I love good conversation, and try to engage in it whenever I can. I am silent, however, when it comes to personal issues. I, too, experience moments in social situations where I will prefer to listen, and do not have much to contribute to the discussion at that time. These are the moments where I notice others feel uncomfortable. I believe that they may think I feel that I am better than them, somehow, perhaps too good for their kind.

 

People tend to become uncomfortable around others who do not say much of anything.

 

I do not see anything wrong with you, but your girlfriend seems more stressed in social situations. I recommend trying to enter into more conversation than you normally do, or contribute things more often. It is good to become involved in discussions when you do not know things. People often love to teach, and the more that you ask, the more you will learn. You will connect and feel comfortable among new people.

 

No one should worry about having to say the right things, as no one, no matter how well he prepares, ever knows "what to say". If you simply keep to yourself at certain times, and can function normally around people in social situations then I would say there is nothing to worry about. It sounds as though things are a bit more serious with your girlfriend, however. If she is quite uncomfortable going out in public or with people she does not know, then perhaps there may be a problem there.

 

I don't have "tons of friends", but I do have quite a few people that I talk to every week. I recommend involving yourself more in conversation. It isn't very hard at all to engage strangers in conversation. There is always a 50/50 chance that you will have a nice conversation or make a friend, or find that the person is disinterested, busy, or untalkative. You have a one in two chance of something great happening, and I think those are good odds.

 

Take the chance a bit more often; it really will make a difference. Everyone always has something to say

[briansoap]

Thanks Guys,,

 

It's not as bad as it seems(or maybe it is) but my girl is worse than I.

 

She's always worried about what others think about her or if she's going to

say the wrong thing and As much as I try to encourage her, She can't

overcome it.

 

I'm more inclined to start up a conversation, even though i'm a quiet one.

I'm not a mouse. I'm pretty well liked and have friends, but am just quiet.

I can enjoy a day out by myself going here or there, record shopping, doing

my own thing. But i do enjoy going out with people and having fun.

 

I've been trying to break my girl out of her shell and away from those fears she

has.

 

Any ideas on how I could achieve that without changing her too much?

[dudesomewhere]

I'm like you brian...it's my belief that those that are quiet and maybe even shy but confident are looked on/at as arrogant or something. I walk tall but keep to myself. I don't like parties or any type of crowd. Lesser people look down upon you when you don't try to fit in or succumb to peer pressures.

 

Keep being who you are and don't give in. I'm trying to date someone who does feel the need to fit in and does feel dumb when she can't...it makes things so hard, but what can I do eh?