"I love you, but I don't like you"?

[Thieves]

Is it possible that after 7, 8 months, I've been in denial? Maybe I'm just rambling but.. is it possible to love a person but not actually like them as a person?

 

I was reading this book I bought the other night about a man and a woman who are lifelong friends, but the woman has liked him for a long time. The man has too, but he basically takes her for granted 95% of the time. There was one part in the book where, after many years their friendship starts to fall apart and they fight half the time with him being an arrogant jerk. She tells him one night crying that she loves him, but she doesn't like him anymore. And then she breaks off the friendship. I didn't feel sad, but something clicked for me when I read that part and I thought about it for a long time.

 

Something just clicked. I don't know what I'm feeling, but it's different. I know I've been doing my best to move on but I've also been quietly wondering in the back of my head (my heart?) if he would answer that one email, etc. But then I ask myself, why? And I realize I've been waiting on a person that I maybe don't even like that much. I mean I love him, I probably always will. He has good qualities. Charming, funny sometimes, kind, considerate.. sometimes? But can I truly say I like him as a person, a friend?

 

Do I really like this person who took me for granted for over a year? Who I was there for in the beginning, middle, all the way to the damn end... yet he never seeemd to be thankful. And always seemed to want to rub his success with girls and everything else in my face. He knew I'd be there for him at the drop of a hat if he needed me. But could I say the same for him? Sometimes it felt like he just wanted me 'around' for no real reason. Because honestly, as time went on it felt like he was turning more into a jerk that I talked with occasionally. Turning more into someone I didn't really like half the time. Even when we were 'friends', I was secretly upset with him a lot. The truth is I do love him, but I don't know if I can like him anymore even if I wanted to because of the pain he's caused me for so long.

Edited September 26, 2011 by Thieves

[CSer]

That's how I feel about my ex gf, I love her, but at the sametime I dont like her as a person anymore.

[Ajax]

This is the realization I came to a couple months after my ex left me. Gosh, it's been over a year! Anyway, I realized that I care about her and would be crushed if anything bad were to happen to her, but I certainly don't like or respect her anymore.

[radiodarcy]

Thieves, you and i are once again in the same boat! i too am close to 7 months NC and have been thinking about this a lot as well. i pretty much feel the same way you do.

 

as time goes by and the anger starts to fade, it gets harder for me to conjure up the bad times and the good times have started to find their way in. random stuff that i long forgot about comes back to me. and while i feel that familiar old twinge; it's not enough to make me feel inclined to reach out to him.

 

i just accept those memories for what they were: the past - - but at the same time they help me understand why i will always love him and why i will always carry that good part of him with me.

 

but i also remind myself of how quickly those good times changed to bad. and how those good times very likely won't come back. which makes me sad. but - - it also makes me glad that i'm past those bad times as well

 

going back to being his friend (a-hem - - doormat) just isn't worth it anymore.

[antinko]

Hm, love and hate are very difficult to differentiate between sometimes. Personally, I cannot love anything which I dislike.