cavedweller Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 DS, He is feeding you a line of bull s****t. And, you are falling for it. my 2 cents Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesertSunshine Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 I asked him "what if your wife does suddenly asks you if you are seeing someone, would you tell her then, since she had suggested you have an affair?" He said he wouldn't, because its better off she doesn't know....stupid me, didn't ask at the moment "why not" because I was thinking maybe due to her "pain" he didn't want to give her the additional pain and left it at that, perhaps? .. or is deeper in the back of my mind, I just don't want to know and be in denial of the situation. Another question I asked, was "lets say she does find out that you were seeing someone, would you continue in seeing me if she does tell you not to anymore, would you still?" He said, he would but "it would be our secret" I thought, that is quite strange..right? or just plain wrong. Several weeks ago after he indicated he had "fallen in love" with me, I did question him that "how is it possible to love 2 women ... or is it possible?" He said it is possible, as he is living proof it is possible. I am thinking I should let it be and just move on as some of these just doesn't make sense or plausible answers in my mind, but then there is this other side of me of the "curiosity" ..... He tells me I am the "total package" for him as a woman. I thought, gosh, I would think that would be your wife, right. She should be the total package, as you not only married her, but she is "unselfish" and did suggest you have an affair too, now what other wife would do that? I honestly have a tough time still believing that. I certainly don't need the added drama of the situation. Why me. Ugh. Thank you so much again for all the feedback, truly have been helpful in trying to make me see things from the other side of the fence. Link to post Share on other sites
country_gurl Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 I asked him "what if your wife does suddenly asks you if you are seeing someone, would you tell her then, since she had suggested you have an affair?" He said he wouldn't, because its better off she doesn't know....stupid me, didn't ask at the moment "why not" because I was thinking maybe due to her "pain" he didn't want to give her the additional pain and left it at that, perhaps? .. or is deeper in the back of my mind, I just don't want to know and be in denial of the situation. Another question I asked, was "lets say she does find out that you were seeing someone, would you continue in seeing me if she does tell you not to anymore, would you still?" He said, he would but "it would be our secret" I thought, that is quite strange..right? or just plain wrong. Dear DesertSunshine, This man is a pathological LIAR. *IF* his wife of 20 years really was the one to encourage him to join a Dating Site so that he could find someone to have an intimate relationship with, does it make any sense that he would need to keep this a "secret" from her? Why would someone keep secret what their spouse encouraged them to do? He is a liar.....and although you are understandably questioning the blatant 'red flags', you are still buying it. Again I ask.............as you met him on a Dating Site: 1. What did his profile list his marital status as? 2. What did his profile indicate he was seeking? (dating? relationship? intimate encounter?) 3. Willing to bet that his profile did NOT include a picture of him Just can't understand WHY you would have been open from the start to investing your time/heart and body with a man who apparently told you that he was only looking for sex because he wasn't getting it at home. Why is that all that you aspire to have in your life, to be someone's play-thing and mistress? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesertSunshine Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 1. What did his profile list his marital status as? 2. What did his profile indicate he was seeking? (dating? relationship? intimate encounter?) 3. Willing to bet that his profile did NOT include a picture of him -- His profile status was married, seeking friendship/relationship/intimate encounter -- photo was included on his profile site I had responded I wasn't interested in a "married" guy as it "was too much problems if the wife ever found out" that is where he indicated his wife wanted him to pursue only a "sexual relationship". He initially did mention that his wife indicated she doesn't want to know if he did find someone. Link to post Share on other sites
country_gurl Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 I had responded I wasn't interested in a "married" guy as it "was too much problems if the wife ever found out" That's an interesting "reason" you initially gave him for not wanting to be involved with a married man. Most would have explained that it's just morally wrong to get involved with a married man but your focus seems to have only been on the fact that it would be a lot of hassle if the wife found out. Interesting. But anyway, you obviously fell for his BS and here you are. I think maybe you 2 deserve one another though I feel immensely sorry for his wife who is now being exposed to STDs and has a lying, cheating dog for a husband. It is mind-blowing to me that there are really women out there who are so desperate for male attention that they'll willingly become a mistress. So sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesertSunshine Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 We communicated for 2 months non-sexually as a "friendship" and didn't think and wouldn't think that it would have gone beyond it. I do feel for his wife and have regrets and know in my hearts heart its not something I would want upon me. There are 2 sides to every story and his wife is the missing side, but which now, I don't want to be a part of anymore to know. Figured a reason why I wanted feedback so in the early stages of the MM before it got any deeper in the "affair". Trying to get a clear head ... and know its time to move on. Tough as it may be to have wasted the last 3 months, thinking back on it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Three month is NOTHING compared to 20+ years of marriage and kids. He IS lying to you and I hope you see this? Realistically and in your mind you know this but I'm reading between the lines here, it's almost like you're still doubting us and wanting to believe all that he tells you (emotions and heart ruling your gut and mind).. He will LIE and tell you what you want to hear (sweet nothings, you're the whole package..Yet not enough for him to leave his wife and divorce).. He's selfishly playing you because he has one thing set in his mind. HIS happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 why didn't he hire a prostitute if he was just looking for sex? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 1. What did his profile list his marital status as? 2. What did his profile indicate he was seeking? (dating? relationship? intimate encounter?) 3. Willing to bet that his profile did NOT include a picture of him -- His profile status was married, seeking friendship/relationship/intimate encounter -- photo was included on his profile site I had responded I wasn't interested in a "married" guy as it "was too much problems if the wife ever found out" that is where he indicated his wife wanted him to pursue only a "sexual relationship". He initially did mention that his wife indicated she doesn't want to know if he did find someone. I'm curious...how did you make the transition from not being interested...to now being involved with him? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 We communicated for 2 months non-sexually as a "friendship" and didn't think and wouldn't think that it would have gone beyond it. I do feel for his wife and have regrets and know in my hearts heart its not something I would want upon me. There are 2 sides to every story and his wife is the missing side, but which now, I don't want to be a part of anymore to know. Figured a reason why I wanted feedback so in the early stages of the MM before it got any deeper in the "affair". Trying to get a clear head ... and know its time to move on. Tough as it may be to have wasted the last 3 months, thinking back on it . Good for you! As someone else said, 3 months is a drop in the bucket compared to years and years. Instead of dwelling on "wasted months", think of it as a lesson learned and thankfully you've only allotted this man and situation 90 days! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Look, Im laughing at my ex H - not you but: One of the OW my x was seeing was under the impression that I was in a wheel chair. I run everyday. And that I wanted him to see other women because I could not fulfill him in that way. We had sex almost everyday. And that the only condition was that I never find out about it. Yeah, thats what he was banking on. He used that particular story just the one time. Apparently not many OW bought it. MWHAHAHAHA Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 What was your intention in getting sexually involved with a married man, yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 since he expressed that his wife gave permission - don't see him one more time until she tells you in person! since he said it's HER idea - meet with her - tell her you two are "in love" and that he told you she said it's ok to steal time with her hubby. Link to post Share on other sites
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