Going through a quarter life crisis, trying to make the right decision. This is long!

[HollyHoliday]

Spent four years up at school in Boston. Wasn't sure if I was going to stay after graduation but I wanted to try. With my degree in Communication/Public Relations, I knew that finding a job in this economy would be hard, but I didn't think it would be near impossible.

 

 

Then, my own relationship completely fell apart. It was a classic Grass is Greener breakup, and I shouldn't of been surprised because I knew all along he wasn't a "good" person and was selfish. He even told me that breakups just don't bother him that much, and that it would be so much harder for me than it would be for him. While he was the only one to cry during our last month, I am still pretty sure that he is just fine now and doesn't even think of me. But to me, that is dysfunctional, and I don't want someone like that. I said I wanted NC whatsoever, and even though we ran into each other about three weeks after the breakup, I asked how he was doing, and left it at that. It pains me because he was the first person I dated who I was REALLY attracted to, but the reality of who he is as a person isn't going to change, and it isn't something I want. It also happened right after we flew across the country to visit his family and I stayed with them for two weeks, and my own family coming into town for graduation. Thankfully, he never met them, but it just added so much embarrassment to the situation. I will never speak to him or see him again, and I am glad for that.

 

 

Even so, after the breakup I fell into a deep depression. I went back into therapy and discussed the option to be put back on medication, all while loosing 20 pounds in two months. Since he had asked me to move in with him I didn't have a place to stay anymore, and I was just such a wreck and worried about finances I decided to leave Boston completely and move back to Georgia, in with my parents who are getting a divorce but still on good terms.

 

 

I moved away from Georgia because I did not like living here, so I feel like I am in a bind. While I am working on the mental health part, it is now time to decide what to do about my future.

 

 

The one option that I may have is that my older sister lives in San Diego. I am originally from Southern California, and I absolutely love it there. My mom may also move out there after the divorce is final, but she is going against her own battles so I feel like I may have to push her in order to do it, even though she says it is really what she wants. However, it is expensive and I don't think the job market for me could be any better out there, especially with my lack of experience. My school loans also start up in December, so I don't think it is the best thing for me to move out there now. While I really don't want to be attached to anything here in Georgia, I am considering getting a temp job or something so that I can save some money and make my next move. But even finding some type of job here causes me great anxiety.

 

 

Also, the exboyfriend's family is from about 20 minutes north of San Diego, and it really pains me since we were just there to visit them and everything. I just don't want to have to think of him or running into them, I just want to be away from him 100%. I know with time it will happen especially since I knew it would never really last because he was too cold and selfish, but it still hurts.

 

 

To add, I actually haven't started back on medication yet because of health insurance problems, but hopefully that will be squared away next week. However, I have no mental health insurance to begin with, so it has been a huge burden on my savings.

 

 

In a nutshell, I am an emotional wreck, I have no idea where my career is going, and where I should be. Any insight here would be greatly appreciated.