Author Coupedriver Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 I just spent 2 hours with my counselor and another 2 hours walking in the rain..Why the walking..? So no one can see me crying....I sent her my good-bye letter,told her to take care and give her daughter an EXTRA big hug tonight.I told her I wanted no reply...PLEASE dont send one.I told her 1 day I hope we can sit down and talk...Not soon...but maybe in a while.If she felt she didn't want to,that's ok.Adeles song keeps playing almost where ever I go....its so heart breaking.... I finally went to church and asked God to forgive me,and I am sorry.I know I haven't been the best person to be around but please give my the strength to be better.I told him I can't do it without him and I hope he stays close and lends a hand when I need one.I found a few you tube videos regarding prayer and one called... "Everything happens for a Reason" which I have watched several times...pretty powerful.Can someone PLEASE post it for me..?!?? I am pretty sure I will need to check myself back into the Hospital as the last few days haven't been very good...feels like I am sliding back.I need to re-start again....I know I cant do this forever.Hopefully a better me will come out and find someone who really DOES deserve my love and guide me along this bumpy road called life.I have always needed help...I think because sometimes I really don't understand life.I think some people "GET IT" but I have always felt one step...behind.I need to go take a hot shower and call my counselor back,she knows why and I promised her I would. Link to post Share on other sites
Dmoney28 Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Hey whats up Coupe, i read through most your post in LS. Bro, i will be honest..it sounded exactly like me a few years ago. I know exactly where you are comming from. I knew the sleepless nights, tryng to make sense of her thoughts and actions. Going to old places we hung out at, just to get a brief nostogia of the good times in my life. I remember walking so far...so far until i ended up on the otherside of the city. I remeber walking the mall and watching other couples enjoy each other. My friends and family thought i was a nutcase. I remeber watching my cell like a mother hen, just in case she txt or called. I was a slave to my own sorrow. The void in me could not be described in words. Unfortuanalty you just have to weather this storm. You have made very good progress towards healing. Getting rid of anything from that old relationship is key. I mean really...even if you guys got back together, all that old s**t was from that broken mess...you would have to start anew anyway. Keep busy bro...thats important. Boxing is a very good idea. I was into muay thay during my relationship, but after the breakup...i was a beast in my fight camp. Anything to distract the mind. Allow her to leave your system in your own time. Dont let anyone say " damn, its been long enough ...get over it." These people most likely never had loss like this. we are all diffrent...we all heal according to our own time table. This may see harsh..but you have to picture your ex, as non existent...she has to be a non factor in your life. Over time, you will grow comfortably indiffrent towards her. Soon she will be just a person who occupied a limited time in your life. Once you get to that stage, you will begin to look at other women...and they way move, walk and smell, lol. then you will get a second breath..to pursue them. Now you will have experience form the previous relationship. Experience to be a good partner..and not to put up with the Bull. Good luck and god speed ...it does get better. PS..that one adele song is evil, lol, j/k i thinks its a pretty cool song Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 omg that adele song. we all can hear that playing in our minds. it marks the time...so perfectly, it's appropriate, and kinda speaks to us. coupe. i dont know what the story is. i have deleted some messages. but yet i see u cant get thru. i will delete more tonight. i am terribly sorry. dmoney has some good advise. and it's good because its genuine from the heart of a man who has been there..i can see. and its good to know, he got to the other side. because it is possible. we have to work on it, be open to it and yes, even pray on it. i believe that much. i am a woman, but i am here to say the rain will stop. hes right we just all have to weather the storm. but we will dance in the rain, splash in the puddles and spin our umbrella's because we will BEAT this!!!! dammit. it is a matter of time. time is sure helping me too. its not easy and not always in out control, but TRY to make less stress in your life too, because this makes you feel you dont need them as much somehow. so think less stress and make it happen and think good things to cancel out the bad. even if you fake it till u make it. think like a pollyanna sometimes to balance the weight of it all. and yes, i truly believe with all my heart and soul God is key too. well reaching out. asking for peace and to help us to be wise as how to get over it. hold on to him and have faith. Psalm 34:18 NIV The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. i dont know the exact meaning of this, but i know when i prayed this to him, i felt a peace....knowing he did care and takes that broken heartedness into account. i think your prayer is a good one. for God to stay close and lend a hand. i have good days and bad. but i dont rush it. i take it one day at a time. because i also try to take this advise as much as possible. believe me i know all this isnt easy. but ii dont think another way is any easier and its even harder...to get weighed down with too many worries. Matthew 6:34 jesus 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. i don't think hes saying everyday is miserable. i think hes saying..it has its own issues. so don't worry about tomorrow. just live in this day. make it as good as you can for u. sorry for rambling. you're actually likely doing better than you think. and youre also an inspiration to others on here. because youre real and honest. just let the good thoughts lead : ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coupedriver Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 I couldn't do it today...I knew last night after the letter was sent what today was going to be like...I just couldn't go to work today...the whole thing..the MISSING thing,crying..( when do you EVER stop crying..?!?!?!??)...the "if only I could sit down and take to you" thing..everything hit at once.Thankfully my boss wasn't there when I called in.I feel like a truck has run over me.I ache everywhere...I walked and walked and walked for so long I don't even remember coming home.How can you hate some one so much and love them so much all in one split second.? Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 yeah i remember that. i did lot of walking. to shake off the stress and frustration and that helpless feeling. believe it or not ..i think it comes with having some contact with them and also of course this is all still way to raw. too soon, coupe. go easy on yourself. and the new n/c is mind boggling too. just ride these waves. you will come to shore. sorry if that sounds stupid, moronic and corny. the truth is you cant fight the against the current. go to a safe place....ride the wave. stay a float hand in there. you did a great thing...taking off of work and resting for the day. balance. keep up the good work. sorry you feel alone today hugs Link to post Share on other sites
PrissyDixie Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 How can you hate some one so much and love them so much all in one split second.? I don't think we do, I think we want to because we think it will hurt less, but the pain is the pain...I haven't been able to read your entire story, but I do understand the pain...I can tell you it does get better, when we allow ourselves to heal! We often lose sight while in pain, that we have an active part in that process; making the wounds scars!! I finally went to church and asked God to forgive me,and I am sorry.I know I haven't been the best person to be around but please give my the strength to be better. I know for a fact He is the only reason I have survived and managed to stay sane through my pain; I hold onto to Him everyday and His promises We love because He first loved us (1 John 4) but Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Is my screen saver so I don't forget it; I display it on my phone to because when it gets the hardest I need the reminders...I know it is hard ~ I've known days where the pain and sadness felt overwhelming, but I also realize I have less of them today then I did yesterday and every decision I make today makes my tomorrow's better...I know you are on the road to that and I know you will get there, as hard as it maybe, love you more!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coupedriver Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 Can the Lord not see this pain..?In everyone of us..? Doesn't he know we all need healing..? Or even help..? I know some of us believe in different things and we all don't have the same faith...I don't want to go down this road anymore...I didn't ASK for this. Link to post Share on other sites
PrissyDixie Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Maybe this page will help http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Believer%27s%20Corner/joy_cometh.htm I believe He hears us and knows all our pain; I have faith that it is all for a reason...we all are different, all I can say is what He's done for me...I know He lifted me out the depths and set me upright...Again,this is my story, I know others have what has worked for them; for me it has been Faith and that is the hardest when we are shattered...I wish I had better answers for you...I do know the mind can convince the heart of anything; the mind is the most powerful weapon ~ hold on there will be days of baby steps and back steps but remind yourself constantly that even if it is ever so slight, you are better today then yesterday...walking and eating and talking it out are all healing things... Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Acceptance is probably the most painful emotion to acknowledge.... It really is like going back to square one... We once had hope we once had denial we once had depression.... it is only when we accept what is once over that we really have the understanding we must move on.... It is a very hard aspect to comprehend...and we all have to deal with it in some way or another and time becomes our best friend because that is the only way we get past it.... and as much as people say "time" we never know how long but we all survive because of time... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts