Getting Tired

[tsunami]

The title sums it up in a nutshell: I've become tired of marriage.

 

Background: I'm 21 years old - yes, young indeed - and my husband is 22. We met at 17 and 18, and got married at 18 and 19 respectively. We have no children, and even though I used to want a child, I've become horrified of the notion of getting pregnant.

 

I love my husband, and my husband loves me - I know this. He's a loving, kind, thoughtful, hardworking guy. Truth be told, he's a VERY good man! And yet, I'm tired of him, and it eats me up to even think so let alone type this up.

 

I'm getting to a point where I just don't want to be married anymore. I want to be single. I have never lived on my own. I went from living with my parents straight to living with my husband. We work, but most of our days are spent in each others' company. We don't really have any friends besides each other.

 

Then there's the sex. It was good...still is - to a point. But for the past year, my appetite for it has declined. Sometimes I try my hardest to get in the mood when my husband mentions the lack of activity, but it's never good at those times. Eventually, my sex-drive improved (slightly) for the last couple of months, but then we're facing a next problem: he comes far too quickly.

 

And I know he's conscious of this, and I've tried my very best to be supportive, to act like it doesn't matter, but...it really has begun to matter. These days, I've begun to feel like it's no use having sex because in the back of my head, I think "it'll end fast anyway." And it's got to a point where I WANT sex but...not with my husband.

 

In the end, I'm feeling like if I don't even want to try to work on our marriage, that I just want to be done with it all and start anew. And I feel awful for feeling that way because I know my husband deserves much better than that.

[carhill]

Advise your husband of your feelings. Listen.

 

Suggest an equitable settlement and sharing of costs.

 

Be clear that your husband will no longer be your friend nor your 'go to' guy. That's over when you have the conversation. You're making a choice. A choice to be single. The security and safety of marriage will end.

 

Enjoy your single life. The 20's is a time of growth and adventure. I think it'll be fun getting your first home or apartment alone. I remember those years well. Being alone now is pretty much the same but I don't have the energy of a 20-something anymore.

 

Welcome to LS

[Reuben Kinkaid]

The title sums it up in a nutshell: I've become tired of marriage.

 

Background: I'm 21 years old - yes, young indeed - and my husband is 22. We met at 17 and 18, and got married at 18 and 19 respectively. We have no children, and even though I used to want a child, I've become horrified of the notion of getting pregnant.

 

I love my husband, and my husband loves me - I know this. He's a loving, kind, thoughtful, hardworking guy. Truth be told, he's a VERY good man! And yet, I'm tired of him, and it eats me up to even think so let alone type this up.

 

I'm getting to a point where I just don't want to be married anymore. I want to be single. I have never lived on my own. I went from living with my parents straight to living with my husband. We work, but most of our days are spent in each others' company. We don't really have any friends besides each other.

 

Then there's the sex. It was good...still is - to a point. But for the past year, my appetite for it has declined. Sometimes I try my hardest to get in the mood when my husband mentions the lack of activity, but it's never good at those times. Eventually, my sex-drive improved (slightly) for the last couple of months, but then we're facing a next problem: he comes far too quickly.

 

And I know he's conscious of this, and I've tried my very best to be supportive, to act like it doesn't matter, but...it really has begun to matter. These days, I've begun to feel like it's no use having sex because in the back of my head, I think "it'll end fast anyway." And it's got to a point where I WANT sex but...not with my husband.

 

In the end, I'm feeling like if I don't even want to try to work on our marriage, that I just want to be done with it all and start anew. And I feel awful for feeling that way because I know my husband deserves much better than that.

 

I'm very sorry, but you still have your youth.

 

Not to sound like an *******, but I truly believe there should be a minimum age for marriage. Well there is already, but it should be older. Much older. I LOVED my high school sweetheart, but I also really liked Quiet Riot. I am damn glad I didn't marry her - and we definitely talked about it.

 

I wish you luck.

[Avihenda]

Restlessness doesn't have to be the end of your marriage. Have you considered that your birth control could be part of the issue? I had this issue when I was in my twenties and I changed to a new b.c. and the problem went away.

 

As a twenty-something you will experience the blahs and want changes. Your husband can experience these with you, if you wish it.

 

Being single can be exciting. Being a young married woman can too, it's all in how you perceive it! Wouldn't it be cr@ppy if you did get a divorce and never found another "good man" like this one? It has happened to a few of my friends...

 

...single men are everywhere. Good men are hard to find.

[tobeornottobe]

Let's cut to the chase. Your post is very clear, you are tired of this guy, and you are ONLY in your 20's. You got married too young and you missed out on a crucial part of your development phase between 17-24.

 

Don't make this too complicated: Discuss this with your husband, get some help, and if you still feel this way 2 months later, get out and get divorced. You will hurt your husband now, but save both of you from a very, very sad future.

Edited September 27, 2011 by tobeornottobe

[Jon Morris]

My wife and I are going through something almost exactly the same. She was 18 and I was 23 when we got married and she feels like she got married too young and didnt have a chance to experience her life yet on her own. She is 29 now and I am 34 and we have 4 kids, and one of them is special needs and will likely require our care for the rest of his life. We are in a completely different situation as the OP because my wife's 20's are essentially over and we have a large family to support. So, what advice does anyone have for us? I dont feel like a divorce is going to make everything ok for us and I feel my wife is suffering from depression or something. We have a great relationship outside of intamcy and I just know that we could no longer be friends if she does this to me and it would make life for our kids and us a living hell that she will regret at some point down the road.