Three months have passed and I can't let go of those last few things he said.

[HollyHoliday]

I was with someone in my college town for 9 months. I was greatly attracted to him, which I let take place of my worries about the type of person he was and the lack of intimacy. Since the breakup I graduated and moved states away and basically left my whole life back there. I'll never go back.

 

I always knew that he was incredibly stubborn and selfish. He himself said that he is very strong headed and will never do anything he doesn't want to. About 6 months into our relationship we got into an argument, in which he said that if we broke up that it wouldn't effect him that much. That breakups never bothered him that much, and that he has always ended all the relationships that he had been in.

 

I was shocked, especially since he said that this was the first relationship that actually meant something to him, and that I was his first real love. He took back what he said, but I could tell that he wasn't lying. That is the type of dysfunctional person he was...he could have these strong feelings for someone, but cast them off as dispensable once things got hard.

 

When we initially broke up, it came to me as a huge shock, but I never cried or begged. He was actually the one to sob uncontrollably for hours. I accepted it in that last conversation and said that I wanted to move on with no contact. It was a classic GIGS, in that he still wanted to talk and everything. I said no, that it wasn't possible. His reason for the breakup was that he wanted to advance his music career and he could only do that with his roommate, his best friend and musical partner. He said that things were "too good" between us, and that he just wanted to spend his time with me instead of playing. And that if he was really going to have a successful career that he couldn't be with me. I said that if he really wanted to be with me he would be able to find a balance with everything. I called bull**** and said that he can't blame things going wrong on me.

 

2 weeks later he said he wanted to try, and I agreed. Again, he cried his eyes out. I have no idea why. It lasted about a month in which he completely changed. We went from spending all of our time together to barely talking at all. Even when we did spend time together, I knew he didn't want to really be there. He even said that we couldn't hang out unless his roommate was working, because they would need to "practice" during that time. It was like he replaced me with this roommate...he said he didn't want to spend all of his time with me, but instead he spent all of his time with someone else. Things finally boiled over and we broke up, with him saying that he "needed to be alone" and that it wasn't fair for me to be in this relationship with him. He was so unbelievably cold, no tears this time. I guess he knew it was right. I just said that if he really wanted it, he would of made it happen.

 

The last few things he said hit me like a hot poker. I can only imagine what my face looked like.

 

"This is going to be so much harder for you than it is for me. Don't do anything drastic."

 

All I can think about is how he is completely fine now, has so much going for him and doesn't have any regrets at all. I on the other hand is going through a quarter life crisis. I think about him constantly, even if I know that I would never want someone like him. It just hurts so much to know that he was likely fine days later.

 

I am moving on slowly, but I know I am moving on. I just hate that for the first two months I lost 20 pounds and cried every single day. Then I was good for three weeks, and now for some reason it is hitting me very hard.

 

Help

[Unrequitedlove]

I am so sorry you have to go through that! It seems to me that over a period of time that you both werent seeing or speaking to each other often, he disconnected emotionally from you to lessen the blow of leaving you again. The first time I was dumped by my ex, he was a wreck and came back to me the next day. It took a month of him distancing himself and not seeing or speaking to him as often to make a clean break from me for good. Stay positive and concentrate on yourself. We all go through rough patches when it hurts us more one day then the day before, but that's the healing process.

[HollyHoliday]

Thanks

 

I hate to say it, but I think that since it was a GIGS breakup, he realized that the grass really IS greener on the other side. He got to do whatever he wanted and didn't have to think of anyone but himself.

 

I know in the long run he won't be able to find someone like me, someone who cared for him and was there for him the way I was. I told him I wanted No Contact at all during the final breakup, but we ran into each other on the street (in which he tried to duck behind a car) but I said hello, how are you, and left it at that. At that point I knew I was moving and I would never see him again, so I didn't think it was worth telling him how much he had hurt me.

 

And thanks for the comment about the healing process, I forgot that it IS a process and that it isn't always going to be consistent.