I suspect he is married..

[Yadda39]

I have been talking to a guy online for a little over a month. After the first week he called me from his mothers house. He said he was over there fixing her water heater. That was the first call. Other than that we only talk on yahoo messenger. We agreed to meet on a Wednesday. We only live about an hour and a half away from each other. We met at a coffee shop and talked for hours. He was wonderful and I really enjoyed it.

 

I guess what got me to suspecting something was the fact that he never offered me his phone number. I never asked for it but you would think he would offer it. Especially since we were going to meet and I might just need to get in touch with him. Anyway, he called me, while I was on my way to meet him, from a payphone. I realize not everyone has a cell phone but I just found this strange. After we met I went home and he called me the next night. He said he had borrowed his friends cell phone to call. Why I don't know.

 

His story is that he has been divorced for 4 years. He has a 6 year old son. His wife had an affair with a Dr. and so they got a divorce. But he also said she had lost her "sex drive" after their son was born so he never got "any". (yeah I know I've heard this story a million times). I just found it strange that she lost her sex drive BUT yet managed to have an affair. He says she is married again and him and her are very good friends. He is also friends with her new husband.

 

This guy is just about everything I would want in someone EXCEPT for my doubts about his honesty. I really want to trust this guy but i'm not completely stupid. Something is just not right here.

 

I hate to just come out and ask him. IF this is not true then, if I was him, I would really be offended. I'm just trying to keep my eyes open.

 

We were planning on meeting again this weekend. Do I need to be concerned? Am I just being paranoid? What other signs do I need to look for? Other than my suspicions everything would be perfect. I really hate to blow this on a "hunch".

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[sportsloving]

If you have plans to meet this weekend, just ask him for a number in case something comes up. But keep in mind, it may not mean he IS married, it also might mean that he has no phone (such as my ex when I left, for six months had no phone service cause it was in my name).

 

Sometimes the state you are living in will have a website that lists the marriage/divorces... but keep in mind that they must have been married in same state before it shows. If nothing, his divorce might.

 

I wish you tons and tons of luck and hope it all works out

[Yadda39]

Hey thanks for your reply...

 

He has been divorced for 4 years and has internet service. I'm thinking he has a phone. But you are right, all I need to do is mention him giving me his number and see how he reacts. I just have to figure out a way to get it in the conversation.

 

I thought at first he was just being cautious.. not wanting to give his number out ..I can understand that BUT now we have met. Maybe he just hasn't thought about it ..I don't know.

 

I did make a big production about the fact that I don't call men. Which would explain him not offering his number but why not call me from his home phone?

 

Thanks again for your reply and best wishes....

[sportsloving]

Cable internet needs no phone line

 

Just when he mentions this weekend, say hey is there a number I can call you at if something happens that I can't make it?

 

Worse case, look up all you can on the internet.

 

I wish you the best

 

P.S. My best friend dated internet (guy friend) and he wouldn't give out his number unless they asked for it, because he figured if they wanted it, they would ask. He wasn't into games and such, but sure didn't want a lot of people calling at odd hours (one burned, twice shy). One lady he met online and met, thought that since they had met and stuff she should call him at odd hours all the time and ask him to bail her out of troubles.

 

I hope it helps

[Pookette]

I just found it strange that she lost her sex drive BUT yet managed to have an affair.

 

That makes sense to me. If she was getting all her loving from someone else, she wouldn't seem to have much of a sex drive at home.

 

Maybe he's a little bit leery of giving you his number because he doesn't really KNOW you?

[Yadda39]

Again, thank you for replying...

 

You may be right.. he may just not have a phone. But, this guy is a structural Engineer. I would think he would need a cell phone in that line of business. He travels alot. Maybe these are questions I need to be asking him. I just have to figure out how to ask them...

 

This is killing me. I'm torn between all the feelings I could quicky develop for this guy and doubting who he is. I think when I see him again I'm just going to lay it all out on the table. I can't invest any more feelings until I settle all my doubts.

 

Thank you for all your help.

[Yadda39]

Originally posted by Pookette

That makes sense to me. If she was getting all her loving from someone else, she wouldn't seem to have much of a sex drive at home.

 

Maybe he's a little bit leery of giving you his number because he doesn't really KNOW you?

 

For a guy who doesn't know me...he has made plans for us to go away this summer. He is the one who is rushing all this. "ohhhh I miss you...I want to see you again"...With all that you would think he would want me to have his phone number...

 

Again, he has not refused to give me his number. That would be a BIg red flag for me. He just hasn't offered it and I have not asked. And I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that he has not called me from his home phone. Not once. Am i to believe that this guy does not have a home phone? or a cell phone?

[Fancy]

I don't know the answer to your question, but I am a strong believer in going with one's gut feeling. I find it a little strange he's always having to use someone else's phone when he's an employed adult.

 

You know his last name, right? Why not call information and see if he has a listed phone number. Here's a site that will help you. Click here Just enter in his name and city and it should come up if he has a listed number. Or better yet, just ask him for his number!

[SoleMate]

I'm even more straightforward...I would just ask, "Are you married?" in a neutral tone of voice. I wouldn't even bother to discuss why I suspected that. (He'll just nitpick your reasoning until you're ready to scream.) Given the items you've listed, I would rather have HIM prove he's single than do any investigation myself.

 

he has made plans for us to go away this summer. He is the one who is rushing all this

Yeah...my cynical side says that it is because he wants to get what he's looking for before the charade falls apart.

 

He says his XW is married again and him and her are very good friends. He is also friends with her new husband.

Since everyone is good friends, you should be able to go out for dinner as a foursome! Suggest this. His reaction should give you valuable data.

[Yadda39]

Originally posted by Fancy

I don't know the answer to your question, but I am a strong believer in going with one's gut feeling. I find it a little strange he's always having to use someone else's phone when he's an employed adult.

 

You know his last name, right? Why not call information and see if he has a listed phone number. Here's a site that will help you. Click here Just enter in his name and city and it should come up if he has a listed number. Or better yet, just ask him for his number!

 

I know his first , middle and last name. I also know the town he lives in. I looked up a number but no names matched his. He did call last night...(again from a cell phone) and said his phone line was out and he could not get on line. So I know there is a phone line somewhere. ha

[Yadda39]

Originally posted by SoleMate

I'm even more straightforward...I would just ask, "Are you married?" in a neutral tone of voice. I wouldn't even bother to discuss why I suspected that. (He'll just nitpick your reasoning until you're ready to scream.) Given the items you've listed, I would rather have HIM prove he's single than do any investigation myself.

 

 

Yeah...my cynical side says that it is because he wants to get what he's looking for before the charade falls apart.

 

 

Since everyone is good friends, you should be able to go out for dinner as a foursome! Suggest this. His reaction should give you valuable data.

 

The first time we talked I asked him if he was married. I got that question out there right off the bat. He has always said he was not. I have even said I think men are scum who try to decieve woman into thinking they are single when they are married. He agreed with me. I wanted him to know this crap would RUIN any chances he might have IF he was lying to me. So yes, we have discussed this.

 

The first time I met him he said that he had been to see his son right before we met. He said his X wife said "Bring her over here so we can meet her" He laughed and told me that he told her NO WAY I'm not going to lay that on her on the first date. So he has already throwed out the idea of me meeting her. I know her name and her new husbands name. I think I may just be being paranoid here...

 

He called last night and I feel a little better about this. I've been on the internet a long time. (since my divorce) and I think I know a little about how people act. I have seen it all. You really have to be careful out there and know what to look for. I think I look to closely sometimes..

 

Thanks for your reply...