Author Johnny85 Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 Thanks In A Rut for all of your help Link to post Share on other sites
fetish1980 Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 (edited) Johnny85, this is long, so sit back. You should have used the pointers i gave you by now. Wake up dude! This woman is not relationship material. She's not the type to allow yourself a chance to get infatuated with. Infatuation = i'll do whatever you want. I'm your slave. At least that's the way you come across to her. She will know that she has you and you won't be a challenge to her. Women are not attracted to guys that they know they can have at the snap of their fingers. I.A.R. is right, and as i've said, she's an attention whore and that's all she likes from you. She's playing you like a yo-yo bro. She has you wrapped around her finger and as IAR said, she's a challenge you will not win. That is UNLESS you man up to her and grow a pair. I don't know the woman, so it's hard to tell if its deliberate or personality with her. Why don't you stop asking yourself and l/s this question and ask her? Like i told you before, you need to call her out on her bullbrap You're going to have to take it to another level because what you're doing right now isn't working. Asking her why she does the things she does in a nice and subtle way would be perfect, just as long as you're not coming across as whining. Something like, " Okay, maybe i'm reading you wrong. But we hang out, you disappear. Should i take this personal or is this just who you are?" I've learned the difference between Bad Boys VS Nice Guys. Do you know why the bad boys often score while the nice guys go home alone? The main reason why is because Bad Boys often exude the trait that women are attracted to... confidence. You don't have to be a bad boy to have that confidence. The key is setting boundaries and letting the person know what you will and will not put up with. Also having the confidence to respectfully tell someone about themselves, even if that means risking a chance with that person or them ever talking to you again. Also, knowing when to walk away also shows that you're confident. What that means, is if she texts you, don't be afraid to either not text her back at all, or simply say, "Is this another one of your disappearing acts?" Or give her a nick name "Here today, gone tomorrow". That way, at least you let her know that she's not fooling you. I'm kind of like you. Out of a realtionship and back in the dating scene. So i've made my mistakes and still learning. I'm starting to think of dating as an art. You have to know what works and what doesn't work. Every woman is different, so there's no universal art form. There is however only one you, and only you know what you don't like. Hopefully, you don't like being put off, lied to, cheated on, or whatever. So make those your boundaries. Your last post was a great start where you said you're not going to text her. You've already begun to peep her hand and see she's about games. So next time, don't be afraid to tell her. good luck and hope it all works out. fetish Edited October 10, 2011 by fetish1980 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Hey All! Just wanted to post an update: I tried asking her out tonight without any luck:( I did a Hail Mary, but nonetheless, I tried. This is the second time I ask her out and she rejected me. If she were at all into me, she would have tried to reschedule. Oh well, you guys were right about her! She won't be hearing from me again!!! Asking a girl out three times after two consecutive NOs would just be pathetic. Thanks everyone for helping me out. I really mean it, thank you;) This is what I sent her: Me: Hey Hey! What did sushi A say to Sushi B? Wasaaa bi! : ) So how's it going? Her: That's funny! Me: Soo shall we go out for a drink? I have another sushi joke to share? ; ) Her: Good still at the work. Me: "You have to help me name: the cops are after a funny, intelligent, handsome and charming guy. I am thinking bar X would be a good hiding spot. lol : )" Her: Right Now? Me: Yup or maybe in 45 min? Her: No, I can't, I am still working on some stuff here. Me: Oh ok no worries Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 You give a woman less than 45 mins notice when you ask her out and you are surprised she said no.. in fact you asked her to go right then and there.. Dude.. She may not sound like she is chasing you but she seems up to you chasing her.. She didn't blow you off or shoot you down.. you never gave her a chance to say yes because she had something else to do... How to recover.. either walk away and learn from this or just ask her out for a DATE. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) You give a woman less than 45 mins notice when you ask her out and you are surprised she said no.. in fact you asked her to go right then and there.. Dude.. She may not sound like she is chasing you but she seems up to you chasing her.. She didn't blow you off or shoot you down.. you never gave her a chance to say yes because she had something else to do... How to recover.. either walk away and learn from this or just ask her out for a DATE. I know - I thought about that; I got caught up in the moment and was being a bit too spontaneous. But this was her second consecutive NO. I am open minded, but when a girl says no twice (without even rescheduling) that means I am not interested. lol Wouldn't it be kinda pathetic asking her out a third time? lol Edited October 14, 2011 by Johnny85 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I know - I thought about that; I got caught up in the moment and was being a bit too spontaneous. But this was her second consecutive NO. I am open minded, but when a girl says no twice (without even rescheduling) that means I am not interested. lol I agree with you about asking a girl out twice and being rejected twice menas she isn't interested..but... The second time shouldn't count dude...almost 100% of women would have turned you or most guys down in those circumstances.. Why not lay it all out there this time.. just text her asking her out for a FORMAL DATE.. "Hey.. how about dinner next Friday?" and if she says no then walk away... You seem to have the right connection for good conversation with her.. you just need to give her a chance. I'm not saying she wants to go out.. I'm saying she didn't blow you off.. you blew yourself off... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Wouldn't it be kinda pathetic asking her out a third time? lol I guess that depends on where her head is at.. if she goes out with you then no.. but if she blows you off another time then it will only look pathetic if she doesn't like you.. which she does... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 I guess that depends on where her head is at.. if she goes out with you then no.. but if she blows you off another time then it will only look pathetic if she doesn't like you.. which she does... Well should I expect to hear from her before I ask her out? I mean, if she liked me, I would assume that she would have said, "thanks for asking tho" or "I would like to see you again tho." Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Well should I expect to hear from her before I ask her out? I mean, if she liked me, I would assume that she would have said, "thanks for asking tho" or "I would like to see you again tho." If you had given her a real chance and she couldn't make it but was still wanting you to chase her then yes she should have offered some concession up to keep you hooked.. but you didn't and she didn't.. You have good conversation dialog with her.. why not in a day or 2 just start up a text conversation then ask her out ? At the very least you will know for sure if she is interested.. guys have it tough sometimes trying to figuring it all out so don't feel bad for being confused because you have no idea where she stands with it all... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Thanks for your advice, Art_Critic. I appreciate it. I will ask her out in a week again. Honestly, though, I can sense when a girl is not into me (even through her texts), and this was not good!!! I am gonna disappear for a week. lol And we'll see what happens. Did you read the entire thread though? I think she is playing major games with me. hehe Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 If she is playing games with you then she is just doing it for an ego boost. You are better to judge that since you are reading her signals... Go for it in a week then call it a day Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Share Posted October 15, 2011 (edited) Maximum props for trying and never giving up, I admire that quality in a person, but you're steely determination to succeed with this girl is misplaced. You're fighting a battle that you cannot win - what you are doing is futile. You can't be that desperate for her that much that you would throw away your self respect and dignity? This girl is running rings around you, laughing at you while doing it and you're just actively encouraging her to carry on. Go for it in a week, two weeks, three weeks, or every week for the next year and the results will still be the same. Thanks In A Rut - You are right: I am very persistent and do not like to give up! When I set my mind to something, it will take a lot before I give up! So I have decided to just play it cool and not contact her for a week and give her some space. I miss her and really like this girl. I am going to be very straight forward with her and tell her that I had a great time with her and I would love to see her again. If she says no, I will move on. Thanks for your input! I will keep you posted. And trust me, it's not as if though what you're telling me is going in one ear and out the other. Quite to the contrary, I know that I may be setting myself up for failure. But I have to try! And if it doesn't work out, so be it!!! Edited October 15, 2011 by Johnny85 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 (edited) I've forgot to ask you. 1. What do you see in this girl? 2. Where would you like to the see this persistance going? A night one stand, a FWB or a Long-term relationship? 1. Likes: She's well educated, sophisticated, liked my other people, hard working, funny, cute personality, she makes me feel good/alive/lovestoned when we are together, she is pretty (not conventionally beautiful, but to me she is beautiful), dresses nicely and stylish, she likes cats (dislikes dogs, lol), she is European, good cook (according to her), charming and not high maintenance like typical American girls who expect the men to pay for everything. I don't mean to offend or generalize but independence is an attractive quality and I believe in sharing before a relationship develops. (she even bought me a beer on our first date.) Dislikes: She's flaky, currently not showing a lot of interest in me, one day she is yes; the next she is no, she cancels dates or plays games (maybe?). I have not heard from her since I last asked her out. I changed my number and sent a group text out with my new phone number. She never responded. 2. I am looking for a relationship with someone I connect with (and we seem to have lots of things in common. But otherwise FwB would be nice (going out, having a few drinks together and being intimate together). I get the feeling that she wanted to have sex on our last date (hence asking me inside, kissing and touching, asking me to have breakfast the next morning, etc) but I never made the move. This made her feel anxious or disappointed somehow. I.e., why doesn't he want to have sex with me? So she felt rejected and is pusing me away for it!!! lol Or maybe she thought I wasn't showing enough experience for her? Any rationality to my theory or am I just completely overanalyzing it? I mean, how do you go from showing tons of interest and showing lots of interest to this? Edited October 16, 2011 by Johnny85 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 So I text her the next morning (Sunday), saying "Good morning." lol We text back and forth for a bit. And it naturally ends. I have not heard from her since, and I don't want to come across as pushy. Will I come across as needy if I text her now? Or should I wait until tomorrow? LOL this shouldn't be so hard!!!! assuming this went down last wknd you are way past the three day rule. you better text her pronto and make up a good excuse like you dog kicked the bucket actually now that i think about it a call is in order, not a txt Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 assuming this went down last wknd you are way past the three day rule. you better text her pronto and make up a good excuse like you dog kicked the bucket actually now that i think about it a call is in order, not a txt Nope that was two weeks ago. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Nope that was two weeks ago. yuo're screwed unless she really liked u Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 yuo're screwed unless she really liked u We went out last weekend (this weekend I suppose she is out of town). She liked me enough to invite me into her house and passionately make out with me (asking me to come over the next morning for breakfast, saying she wanted to spend the weekend with me, etc). I think she even wanted to have sex. However, the next morning, she canceled breakfast and nothing has been the same ever since. Why would she do that? So I am gonna invite her out next weekend and if she rejects me, I am leaving it at that!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 (edited) Hey guys!! I just wanted to give you an update! I called her this evening and asked her out for tomorrow evening, which she responded by saying that Friday was out of the question, for she had a grand opening of her business on Saturday. So I asked her if she wanted to meet up on Saturday, and her answer was pretty much, "Maybe, we'll see." She asked me why I hadn't texted her lately, to which I responded I have been busy. lol I finished the conversation by saying that I would call her on Saturday. After we hung up, I texted her a photo of this cat that came into my house today (I told her I fed it a slice of ham and that it would probably adopt me). BAM!!! No response! I just feel like a complete loser right now. You guys were right, I should never have continued pursuing her. If a girl is interested in you, she will let you know. Edit: she just texted me, by saying, "Yes!!! Very nice haha!!!" Nonetheless, this feeling sucks! I just want to find someone who is into me like I am into her! And not be some pushy guy who tries to impress someone or who comes across as a pushover!!! Edited October 21, 2011 by Johnny85 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I just want to find someone who is into me like I am into her! The secret to the holy grail my friend.... What's the saying "You have to kiss a lot of frogs........" Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 We went out last weekend (this weekend I suppose she is out of town). She liked me enough to invite me into her house and passionately make out with me (asking me to come over the next morning for breakfast, saying she wanted to spend the weekend with me, etc). I think she even wanted to have sex. However, the next morning, she canceled breakfast and nothing has been the same ever since. Why would she do that? Because you didn't have sex with her Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Hey guys!! I just wanted to give you an update! I called her this evening and asked her out for tomorrow evening, which she responded by saying that Friday was out of the question, for she had a grand opening of her business on Saturday. So I asked her if she wanted to meet up on Saturday, and her answer was pretty much, "Maybe, we'll see." She asked me why I hadn't texted her lately, to which I responded I have been busy. lol I finished the conversation by saying that I would call her on Saturday. After we hung up, I texted her a photo of this cat that came into my house today (I told her I fed it a slice of ham and that it would probably adopt me). BAM!!! No response! I just feel like a complete loser right now. You guys were right, I should never have continued pursuing her. If a girl is interested in you, she will let you know. Edit: she just texted me, by saying, "Yes!!! Very nice haha!!!" Nonetheless, this feeling sucks! I just want to find someone who is into me like I am into her! And not be some pushy guy who tries to impress someone or who comes across as a pushover!!! I didn't read the whole thread only some of the messages but as a woman I'd say she thinks you are either not really that into her (no guy is 'busy to call' when he is into someone) or you are not confident enough. It sounds like from your previous post that you turned sex down that was almost offered to you on a plate. I'd say she feels she worked for it harder than you did. Link to post Share on other sites
fetish1980 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I didn't read the whole thread only some of the messages but as a woman I'd say she thinks you are either not really that into her (no guy is 'busy to call' when he is into someone) or you are not confident enough. It sounds like from your previous post that you turned sex down that was almost offered to you on a plate. I'd say she feels she worked for it harder than you did. You should read through the thread because that's not how it happened. This girl is wishy-washy, On one day, off the next. He's clearly been showing her interest but she keeps blowing him off and acting unreliable. Anymore, he would be appearing like a little puppy dog to the girl and believe me, that is not attractive, especially to a girl like this. If it was me, i would have probably found someone else to pursue by now because I don't trust flaky people. It's taken me a lot of disappointment and broken hearts to realize this. If someone is blowing me off, i'll let them get away with it the first time, maybe 2nd, but after a while i'm going to call them out on it or go on about my business. If she sent me a text as to why I hadn't texted her lately, i would've have responded something like, " I wasn't sure if i'd get a reply from you LOL. That's just me though. It may not work for him, but this girl kind of owes some explanation at this point. fetish Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 (edited) On Wednesday, she commented on one of my pictures. Here's the chat: Her: So you are at bar X stealing all of my friends..., I see. (she joked last time we saw each other that I was stealing all of her friends). Me: One of your friends called me today actually. )) Her: Exactly! That's what I am talking about. Me: Well, I can't help it that all of your friends are cool!!! Her: So who was it, X taking you to a strip bar again? Me: Hey, you were there, too, Miss Innocent! Ha Ha Her: I loved it, I am coming back of course Me: Lobster event on Fridays according to X, too good to not go!! lol Her: Of course I didn't get invited. No problem Me: I will call the strip bar and have them deliver an invitation via certified mail, especially for you. Her: Wow, that would be great. Very special Me: I know So I promised I would call her again to set up our tentative/clearly expressed "maybe" plans, but Fetish is absolutely right, for I will just come across as her puppy dog! No more Hail Mary's for me! I should mentioned that she changed her Facebook status to "engaged" and someone asked her about it, to which she responded: "Boyfriend, where? I do what I want!! This boy is playing with my little heart, please disregard." Edited October 21, 2011 by Johnny85 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 If I were to try one last time tomorrow (since I said I would call her) and she says "no", how would a text like this come across to a woman: "I really like you, you're funny, charming, intelligent and ambitious and I have a great time with you, but I am all of those things to, and I want my friends to enjoy my company; otherwise I feel like I am wasting our time asking you out. No worries, though, I just wanted to be honest with you. Ciao!" So what do you guys think about this? Or should I just not contact her anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Don't send anything, Johhny... just let the whole thing die... There will be other times, better times, happy times... Life, it's just life... Link to post Share on other sites
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