norajane Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I freaking hate all this texting nonsense! You are young adults - learn to speak to each other. At the end of a date, kiss her goodnight, and with your arms still around her from the kiss, look into her eyes and ask her when you'll see her again. It's that easy and requires NO freaking texts! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 I freaking hate all this texting nonsense! You are young adults - learn to speak to each other. At the end of a date, kiss her goodnight, and with your arms still around her from the kiss, look into her eyes and ask her when you'll see her again. It's that easy and requires NO freaking texts! This was actually a good learning experience for me. Rule #1: Keep texting to a minimum when setting up a date first date. Rule #2: Set up second date at the end of first date. Rule #3: If you're interested, show her (that way there will be no silly misunderstandings). It is too bad for I thought she was cool and we had a connection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 If you like her, I suggest setting up the next date at the end of each date. And talking about alternatives if one of you can't make the first suggested date and time. All this texting back and forth seems like a waste of time when you could be having these discussions face-to-face. But then I'm old school. To be honest, if I were in this situation then I'd seriously question the interest of the other party and whether they had any room in their life for dating when it's so difficult to get together. But, enough lecturing. You've left her a message and so the ball is in her court. From her perspective or mine? Perhaps both! I think that at this point, it is fair to assume that if she really liked me enough, she would have texted me by now. I know that is what I would have done. Even though she did kiss me, this is really confusing me. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Johnny dont sweat it man. If she does not text you back its cool man. Dont beat yourself up over it. Just learn from it. You actually did the right thing by declining breakfast and not going because you had prior obligations. Just tell her that. Always keep you first. If they do not respect you and your prior obligation, it is THEIR loss not yours. A lot of people are giving you good advice for them but you need to come up with some good advice for yourself. These are your personal boundaries. Not everyone is the same and as you see by the many different reactions given here, you need to create rules for which you date by. Make up rules when you are going to call them after you get their number. When are you going to call them after the first date. Etc. For me I text when I get the phone number the next day. I call always after the first date from that point on. See how I established who I am. I date women at my own pace. I have gotten 6 numbers now in 10 days. Its honestly too much so I have room to disqualify women that are not the type of people that I want to date. I have rules for going out on dates and who pays. First to Third date is always dutch. I make sure they know this before hand. I do not go for the quick lay, I wait 3-4 dates. If she pushes for it on date #2 I push her back and jokingly tell her that we just met and you need to slow down. Make her respect you and your boundaries. You need to be the prize not her. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 From her perspective or mine? Perhaps both! I think that at this point, it is fair to assume that if she really liked me enough, she would have texted me by now. I know that is what I would have done. Even though she did kiss me, this is really confusing me. Both. The texting and not setting up the next date has likely created some feelings of insecurity and therefore unwillingness to invest more than what's necessary. And judging by what you wrote about having a life, I think that at the back of your mind you are not sure about pursuing her because, after all, she did bail on you twice. I think this is why most are advocating directness and assertiveness in moving things along. The texting back and forth creates unnecessary diversion. But kudos to you for remaining upbeat about this. It is a refreshing change on these forums! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 Both. The texting and not setting up the next date has likely created some feelings of insecurity and therefore unwillingness to invest more than what's necessary. And judging by what you wrote about having a life, I think that at the back of your mind you are not sure about pursuing her because, after all, she did bail on you twice. I think this is why most are advocating directness and assertiveness in moving things along. The texting back and forth creates unnecessary diversion. But kudos to you for remaining upbeat about this. It is a refreshing change on these forums! Well I think you bring up a lot of valid points and I think the last few minutes in my car were a little awkward. I moved in for a hug, and she was expecting a kiss, so she kissed me. She asked me out for breakfast and I couldn't come! That must have been really confusing for her. Hmm! I have my reason though. I live with a female roommate, she is very outgoing and bubbly, which give a lot of guys the impression that she is into them. She was recently on two separate dates, where both men tried to kiss her. This made my roomie feel uncomfortable. So I did not want to make the same mistake that these two other blokes had made. I think the bottom line is that if she were into me at this stage, she would have responded to my text. She hasn't! When I go to bed tonight, I will drop these micro analyzing thoughts and move on with my life (granted she does not contact me). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 Johnny dont sweat it man. If she does not text you back its cool man. Dont beat yourself up over it. Just learn from it. You actually did the right thing by declining breakfast and not going because you had prior obligations. Just tell her that. Always keep you first. If they do not respect you and your prior obligation, it is THEIR loss not yours. A lot of people are giving you good advice for them but you need to come up with some good advice for yourself. These are your personal boundaries. Not everyone is the same and as you see by the many different reactions given here, you need to create rules for which you date by. Make up rules when you are going to call them after you get their number. When are you going to call them after the first date. Etc. For me I text when I get the phone number the next day. I call always after the first date from that point on. See how I established who I am. I date women at my own pace. I have gotten 6 numbers now in 10 days. Its honestly too much so I have room to disqualify women that are not the type of people that I want to date. I have rules for going out on dates and who pays. First to Third date is always dutch. I make sure they know this before hand. I do not go for the quick lay, I wait 3-4 dates. If she pushes for it on date #2 I push her back and jokingly tell her that we just met and you need to slow down. Make her respect you and your boundaries. You need to be the prize not her. Thanks Wilson for your kind words. I am going to drop this when I go to bed. If she does not want to hang out again, touche! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 She just responded by saying her phone was dead all evening. She is glad I am eating challenges for breakfast. It is healthy! lol Oh well, I do not know what to say! Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Tell her that you'd like to see her again. Suggest a potential second date idea. Tell her when you are free to meet up and ask her if she's free. If not, ask her for alternative dates and see if any of those are good for you. Try to maintain the momentum rather than going back to the push-pull of texting back and forth. Best not to leave it at an "I'll let you know" which is code for "I may or may not see you again depending on my whims" and also leaves room for procrastination and insecurity to build up. Do not drop the ball. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Tell her that you'd like to see her again. Suggest a potential second date idea. Tell her when you are free to meet up and ask her if she's free. If not, ask her for alternative dates and see if any of those are good for you. Try to maintain the momentum rather than going back to the push-pull of texting back and forth. Best not to leave it at an "I'll let you know" which is code for "I may or may not see you again depending on my whims" and also leaves room for procrastination and insecurity to build up. Do not drop the ball. THIS. Keep it simple and straightforward. "I'd like to take you to dinner on Friday - are you free?" If she's not free, ask "When would you like to go?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 So I just got out of a four year relationship (9 months ago), and the one thing that I have learned from all of this is to be assertive and not to play games. Just be yourself, and if you like someone, just ask them out again. There are no rules if there is a connection, only love fools. Ok That rhymed so I had to include it! I sent her a text message in response to her text: "Hey you! I would like to take you out on friday. " If she likes me, she will go out with me (unless she has other plans, which will mean a lot of back and forth again. She even called her schedule sporadic. We shall see!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
SoulFinger Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Hi Johnny, Way back in April of this year you posted on one of my threads.I remember you telling me you coming out of your 4 year long relationship.I'm happy to hear about your recent date and don't worry too much mate if she likes you enough she will reply and wanting to see you again. Just play it by ear and then act accordingly.Good luck mate..keep us posted;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 (edited) Hi Johnny, Way back in April of this year you posted on one of my threads.I remember you telling me you coming out of your 4 year long relationship.I'm happy to hear about your recent date and don't worry too much mate if she likes you enough she will reply and wanting to see you again. Just play it by ear and then act accordingly.Good luck mate..keep us posted;) Thanks Soulfinger, We are at the stage of setting up a date for Friday, unfortunately over text. I did call but then she texted me back. There is a lot of frustration cause it shouldn't be that hard to set up a movie date. lol I wanted to see Crazy Stupid Love but it is not playing anymore. So I asked ber if there's anything she would like to see. How are you doing Soulfinger? Did it finally work out for you? Edited September 28, 2011 by Johnny85 njn Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Ok so we texted back and forth today and I suggested we go and see a movie, but the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love wasn't playing. So I suggest we just go for a coffee and be spontaneous like last time. She texted me back saying, "Maybe, I don't know yet." I think I am being placed on the back burner here. If she really wanted to go out with me, she would have gone out with me again. I feel like I am being super pushy here (without her reciprocating any excitement). I need to back off I think!!! How should I respond to her text? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Ok so we texted back and forth today and I suggested we go and see a movie, but the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love wasn't playing. So I suggest we just go for a coffee and be spontaneous like last time. She texted me back saying, "Maybe, I don't know yet." I think I am being placed on the back burner here. If she really wanted to go out with me, she would have gone out with me again. I feel like I am being super pushy here (without her reciprocating any excitement). I need to back off I think!!! How should I respond to her text? You're not being super pushy, you've barely shown her you had interest. Just repond with- "okay, well I'd like to see you, but if it doesn't work out, no worries" If this date doesn't come to fruition, consult us here at LS first for the next time.... Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Just repond with- "okay, well I'd like to see you, but if it doesn't work out, no worries" Agree with D-Lish. Her hesitation doesn't seem encouraging. I suggest putting her on the backburner as well and pursuing other opportunities, taking the lessons that you learned from this experience to minimise the issues regarding showing interest and arranging dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Agree with D-Lish. Her hesitation doesn't seem encouraging. I suggest putting her on the backburner as well and pursuing other opportunities, taking the lessons that you learned from this experience to minimise the issues regarding showing interest and arranging dates. She canceled twice before we even had a chance to go on our first date, so she does seem a bit sporadic. So she was already like this before we met. Oh well!! Nonetheless, her hesitation does not appear to be a good sign. I have shown her all the interest in the world, called her and left her a message saying how I had a great time and would love to go out again, sent her a text message this morning saying I would like to take her out, followed by D-Lish's recommendation text. I liked her but this is suppose to make me feel good. Why would she hesitate? She is the one who kissed me. Arrrggg so confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
red shoes Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Sorry you're going through this. Seems like a timing issue. You can't make it, she takes it as lack of interest, you ask her out, by then she probably has other plans or given up on you. I'm having dating problems of my own. The most recent case being a guy that doesn't call or email but only waits until I'm online to talk to me. How bizarre. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I liked her but this is suppose to make me feel good. Why would she hesitate? She is the one who kissed me. Arrrggg so confusing. Could be due to a myriad of reasons. She's not feeling it. She really does have a hectic life and isn't sure about fitting someone else in. She's in a relationship and just wanted an ego boost. She's multi-dating and another prospect seemed more encouraging. She's needs a guy to show a lot more interest than you've shown so far. I think it's worth chalking it up to a life lesson and moving on. She might get back to you or she might not, but if you rely too heavily on the former then you are likely to overanalyse and it may dent your confidence about how you behave with the next girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Thanks:) I am not going to contact her again unless she texts me back. And from my perspective, I have shown her heaps of interest in the last two days. I wouldn't have done this any other way! I think this is it with her. I need to go on another date with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Remember, Johnny, that while you are focused on a girl, she is being hit on by various men at the same time. Sometimes, in order to advance in her priority list, you have to show some eagerness or to be ready to whatever she wishes, lest you miss your chance... of course, you have valid reasons for not being able to meet her requirements, but probably she doesn't see it this way... in her eyes, you weren't available when she wanted it, so maybe another guy took your place in the ladder of her romantic interests... Not always the following is true: "if a girl wants you, she will do everything..." It is more like this: " if a girl wants you and you jumps at this chance, she will do everything..." Not saying this is what is happening in your case, but in my life I've failed epically with two hot girls... you at least have some valid reasons, I neglected them just because I was lazy and fat... ha ha... (I hope this post makes some sense, my English is poor) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 (edited) Thank you Trovador, I feel like I am backed into a corner, and I cannot get out of it. I just want to find someone to feel crazy about. My ex girlfriend has had at least two rebounds and I have had one date since we broke up (which is rather pathetic considering that the girl kisses me and I cannot even get a second date). I am funny, shy (in a good way), educated, foreign, tall, and attractive/cute/alright looking to some women. I just hate playing games. I wish she would just be direct with me. I did show eagerness. I called her (left a message), sent her a text saying I wanted to take her out on Friday, bla bla bla! I was uncharacteristically direct and assertive. Man, this sucks!!! It is moments like this, I miss my ex, and that is saying a lot.... Edited September 29, 2011 by Johnny85 Link to post Share on other sites
watermelonjuice Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Reading this, I appreciate what you've done because I know the backstory. However, if I was that girl, I may not be impressed when you declined breakfast and probably put you at the back of my mind. Though if I wasn't currently dating someone else, I would jump at the opportunity when you asked. At least one more chance at it before I give up on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Reading this, I appreciate what you've done because I know the backstory. However, if I was that girl, I may not be impressed when you declined breakfast and probably put you at the back of my mind. Though if I wasn't currently dating someone else, I would jump at the opportunity when you asked. At least one more chance at it before I give up on you. LOL can you have a talk with her for me? haha jk:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Whenever I play games I end losing... Well, I guess you did what you could, so for now let the dust settle down. At least you had a first date, I am trying to get one with my current romantic interest... but on a pair of occasions I've stopped contacting her because frankly I don't see she will be falling for me soon, I also have lost all hope and have let her go... always, after a day or two, she has contacted me and has implicitly said that I should wait some more... what I am trying to say is that maybe NC creates a void that attract the person you are interested in, but only when you do it with legit reasons, no as a strategy or game... Anyway, time to put all this in the cooler for some time... wish you the best, my friend... Link to post Share on other sites
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